You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 150.
Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.
What, I am so excited. Diamonds, welcome to the 150th episode of the Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast. Can you believe it? I just got off a call with my Lit Clit Club Diamonds . And I am so fired up. It was so much fun. The women in there are amazing. The questions that they ask are just fantastic. And we were talking about my favorite thing and what should also be your favorite thing, the clitoris. Yes, we are continuing to talk about this. I might talk about the clitoris again and again and again for the next 150 episodes.
The first 150 episodes were all sorts of things around women’s sexuality. The second 150 episodes might just be about the clitoris. That’s how interesting it is. That’s how much time we need to spend on it. And that’s what I want to talk to you all today about.
Okay, so the clitoris. And I introduced you to the concept of my friend, Lit Clitty, is just an amazing structure. And we talked about how amazing she was last week. I want to talk to her. I want to talk to you. I want to know what is your relationship like with your clitoris. Do you have a relationship with your clitoris? Is it a perfunctory one? Is it an efficient one where you just stick the vibrator on and then you’re done and you’re like, “Wham bam, thank you, ma’am, and then you’re off? Are you treating your clitoris like a one night stand?
Or are you getting to know your clitoris? Are you getting to love your clitoris? Are you spending time with it? Are you making sure it knows that it is valuable and worthy and wonderful and amazing? We talked about this before. It has over 10,000 nerve endings on this thing, and it only has one function and that is for your pleasure. This structure lives to serve you and to make sure that you have pleasure. And yet we keep this structure shrouded in shame. Even people call it the devil’s doorknob, knocker or something, some ridiculous thing like this.
There’s nothing wrong with the structure. It has not done anything to hurt anyone, and yet it is so powerful that different cultures in different places will try to mutilate it in an attempt to control women. But there’s nothing wrong with the clitoris. It’s a beautiful structure. It’s made for your pleasure. It’s not going to harm anybody and it’s not shameful in any way. I asked women, I asked them, “What is your relationship with your clitoris?” And the answer that I got again and again is, “What do you mean what is my relationship with my clitoris?”
What kind of, I asked them, “Do you have a loving relationship with your clitoris?” And they didn’t know what that question was. So that tells me that we really need to talk about this. And I’d like to talk about Lit Clitty, one, because I like her name. Lit Clitty is so much fun to say, and also because personifying her makes it such that maybe you can connect with her a little bit. I like to use the name, Lit Clitty. Maybe you have some other name that you’d like to use, that’s fine as long as we understand the anatomical structure of the vulva and the clitoris. Go ahead and call it whatever else name that you’d like to.
But the purpose of personifying it is to allow you to think of it and to think of your relationship with your clitoris. I just went on Etsy, isn’t this thing beautiful? It is crochet. And for those of you that are listening to the podcast and not watching it. It’s so beautiful. I have this crocheted clitoris that’s a beautiful salmon pink and then a light pink for the vestibular bulbs. And it’s just gorgeous, and it makes me happy. And it makes me think of Lit Clitty. So when I saw this I was like, “I have to have this. This is so fantastic.”
So I want to talk to you more about your relationship with your clitoris. And I really want to ask some, I wrote down some questions that I wanted to ask. So what is your relationship with your clitoris, what is it like? Is it like a one night stand or is it a loving, connected relationship that’s full of appreciation? Is it like wham bam, thank you, ma’am or is it like I just want to get to know you?
Let me tell you if it’s more like I want to get to know you, the odds that you’re going to have a beautiful sexual relationship and a sexual life throughout your entire lifespan is much higher than it’s just it’s shrouded in shame and it’s something that I can’t really discuss. Maybe take some time to talk to your clitoris. Take some time to ask it some questions. I know that sounds a little funny but take some time to do that. Take some time to write in a journal around your thoughts and your feelings, be aware of what feelings.
If you start thinking about your vulva and your clitoris, what feelings are coming up for you? Don’t try to change them, just acknowledge them and just write them down. Is it shame? Is it curiosity? Do you get happy? Do you get frustrated? Shame is definitely a feeling that comes over so many women when they talk about their clitoris. And so I’m also on this mission to change our relationship with our clitoris and to recognize how great it is. So what would your relationship with your clitoris be like if we valued our clitoris the same way that men value their penis?
Men have a wonderful relationship with their penis throughout their lifespan. It’s right there. It’s one of their first friends. You get to have a BFF in Lit Clitty as well. Can you say that your relationship with your clitoris is the same as maybe your partner, if you have a male partner or your friends, whoever has a penis, is it the same relationship that they have with their penis? And if it isn’t, why is it not? Why are we not as proud about our clitoris? It’s amazing. It really doesn’t get better than that. Why is it that we’re not like, “Damn my clitoris is the bomb.”
I mean if you think about it, you spend five, ten minutes with your clitoris and your day is better. What? You enjoy your clitoris and the oxytocin increases in your life. This structure is so amazing and instead we focus more on the shame. But what if we were as proud of our clitoris as men are of their penis? Now, I’m not telling you to send clit pics everywhere, just like there’s dick pics roaming around. You didn’t hear from Dr. Sonia telling you, now you have to go out and send clit pics to everybody saying, “Look how beautiful my clitoris is.”
It’s beautiful but I’m not encouraging you to send pictures, if you do send pictures, that’s on you. But imagine if we’re so proud of our clit that we are roaming around sending clit pics and saying, “Isn’t this beautiful? Do look at the size of this. It’s fabulous. Did I mention 10,000 nerve endings? What if we did that, that would be kind of fun. What if you went on a date with your clitoris, what would that be like? You’d be like, “Hey, Lit Clitty, want to go on a date? Do you want to hang together? Lit Clitty, what do you want to do today? Do you just want to relax in the bath? Sure, let’s do that, Lit Clitty, what else?
Do you want to go to your favorite restaurant? Do you want to go to a favorite toy store and get a new toy? Yes, Lit Clitty, you deserve a new toy. You deserve a new toy. You deserve a new toy. Let’s go get you a new toy. What kind of toy would you like? Do you want something that’s buzzy or studdy or do you want something slow? Do you want something fast? Do you like something deep like a wand or just a little vibrator? What exactly do you want? Let’s get it for Lit Clitty. Yeah, let’s treat your clitoris.”
What would you want to do to treat your clitoris right? Maybe it’s just maybe you want to rub some estrogen cream all over that, if you’re both menopausal. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe you want to spend some time with your Lit Clitty and a number of different types of stimulation to see what it enjoys now. What would a date night be with your BFF, your Lit Clitty, what would that look like to you? Yeah.
And when I asked you that, did some emotions come up for you? Did something come up that was really strong that you’re like, oh, my goodness, what, what, Dr. Sonia has gone crazy now? Or did feelings of shame? Did something come up for you? Did you think to yourself, that’s not something possible that I could do? Did you think to yourself, I have no idea what she’s talking about? It’s important to notice your thoughts, notice how this conversation made you feel. Notice your thoughts.
Notice if you laughed and joked and thought, yeah, I think I’m going to have a nice date night with Lit Clitty and do the candles and relax and just spend some time journaling. Or did you think, no thank you, I don’t think so, I don’t need to engage with my Lit Clitty, I’m okay? So what thoughts came up for you? This is important to know and to look at. I think that that would be a really interesting question to answer. Why so much shame? Why so much shame? I think we need to look at that question. Why so much shame when we’re talking about the clitoris?
Now, not all of you have shame, I don’t want to put that on you if you don’t have that. That’s not what this is about. But if you felt uncomfortable when I was talking about Lit Clitty and having a conversation and spending some time with their clitoris, just airing out, enjoying life, if that’s the facts, then where is this coming from? What thoughts are generating this? Maybe do a little journal writing so we can figure out what is causing the shame. Because shame is something to keep us safe, but it’s also optional.
We get to decide, is that thought that’s causing the shame, is that thought serving us? Is it something that we need to keep with us? Or is this something that’s optional and we don’t need it anymore and we can just enjoy ourselves and not necessarily go to that place of shame? And at the beginning it’s going to be a matter of tolerating that shame and it will get easier emotionally, it will get easier over time.
So when we’re talking about being with Lit Clitty, understand at the beginning, having your clitoris as your BFF, your new BFF, that might seem a little weird to you. Give it some time, spend some time just discussing things and thinking about things, spend some time figuring out what it is you’re feeling. And spend some time asking yourself, if it were just you and your clitoris, you and your vulva, what would you do? Yeah. What would you do in order to appreciate your vulva? What would you do in order to appreciate your clitoris?
It’s yours, it’s 100% yours. It doesn’t belong to anybody else. So we get to be appreciative of it. I am going to do a short interview with Lit Clitty and ask her some questions and see if she has some answers for us. So Lit Clitty, how are you doing today? Thank God, thank you so much for inviting me. You’re welcome Lit Clitty, I’m so happy to have you here. So why did you decide that you wanted to come on this podcast? There’s so many women that are disconnected from their clitoris. It’s something that we really need to discuss.
Yeah, I think you’re right and thank you so much for coming. I really, no pun intended, but yes, thank you so much for allowing us to come, how about that? You’re so funny, Dr. Sonia. I’m sorry, I’m making myself laugh. I will calm myself down and Lit Clitty and I will continue to have a conversation here. So Lit Clitty, let’s start with some stats. So how tall are you? I’m 4’ 1. How tall are you? I’m about three to four inches. So you pack a powerful punch for three to four inches. We certainly do. Yes, I think most of your Diamonds know, I do have over 10,000 nerve endings and they’re really amazing.
Yeah, you are pretty amazing, I have to say. Is there something that you want our listeners to know? Yes. I want you all to know that we are lonely. Your clitoris is lonely. Spend some time with us. That’s kind of a sad message. Thank you so much for sharing that message. You’re welcome. Is there anything else that you’d like to say? Why are we so invisible? Why is so much time and energy placed on the vagina instead of us, the clitoris? We’re the one that give you all the pleasure. Why is it that all day long people talk about the stupid penis?
Oh, Lit Clitty, Lit Clitty, it’s alright, baby. Okay, I know, I hear what you’re saying. I hear that a lot of attention has been placed on the vagina and having an orgasm, a vaginal orgasm is somewhat better than having a clitoral orgasm and I know. Lit Clitty is getting lit. She’s a little upset right now. So for all of you people that say that vaginal orgasms are better than the clitoral orgasms, please, just apologize right now to Lit Clitty so that she just doesn’t get too upset about this whole thing, please.
Did you hear? They apologized to you Lit Clitty, it’s alright. They recognize that you are important. They know that 85% of women need stimulation to their clitoris in order to have an orgasm. So they know this information. It’s out there now. So yes, I know the G spot is something. [Inaudible] the G spot. Yes, it’s true that you are also in connection with the G spot and your innovation goes from the clitoris to the G spot. So definitely you are part of the G spot complex. And maybe we call it the goddess region instead of the G spot.
But yes, we understand that you’re part of it. Anything else that you would like us to know? I no longer want to feel invisible. I would like to be appreciated. Okay, so you don’t want to be invisible. You want to be appreciated. You want to take your rightful place and come out from behind the shame. Is that what I’m hearing? You’re damn right, that’s what I have to say, yes. Okay, so you all heard it here first. Lit Clitty has come to talk to us and she basically is saying be done with this bullshit, have a relationship with her. There’s no need for shame. It can be a loving, appreciated relationship.
Anything else that you would like to talk and tell the listeners, that’s it, you’re not talking to us anymore? You know we love you. We just have to kind of get used to the fact that we get to be loud and proud about our clitoris now.
So, okay, Diamonds, I think we’re going to end this call. I think I have to rub Lit Clitty and calm her down and make her happy. She’s a little riled up and a little upset. So all of my Diamonds go and say hello to your Lit Clitty and apologize right now for not paying attention to them and for not loving them the way they deserve to be loved and treated. From now on, we’re going to appreciate our Lit Clitty and we are going to definitely treat them like a BFF.
And I think we’re going to talk a little bit more about, thoughts that might be mean girl thoughts, that might be getting in the way of us loving our BFF, our Lit Clitty. Okay, Dr. Sonia out for now. Thanks so much. So good talking to you all.
Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, have you heard the amazing news? Dr. Sonia, that would be me and my amazing team has started a sex coaching and life coaching monthly membership program called The Lit Clit Club. The Lit Clit Club was made just for you. It’s a safe place where women can come to create the lives that they want, the lives that you want. It’s a place where you get to talk openly about your sexual concerns and be heard. There’s no judgment, no reprimand, no labels, just acceptance, knowledge and freedom.
It’s a place where you get to ask all the questions that you ever wanted to ask about sex and about life too. You get to dream big and create your life your way inside and outside the bedroom. You know I love the concept of creating the life that you want inside and outside the bedroom, that soul bursting life that you deserve. So come to the club for the sexual intimacy coaching and stay for the empowerment and the freedom.
Do you have questions about libido, menopause? Lord help us, menopause is no joke. Sexual health, relationships, sexual orientation, pleasure equality and orgasms, religion and intimacy? I am not finished with this list yet. Maybe you have questions about toys, maybe about non-monogamy. Perhaps you’re interested in BDSM, maybe self-love, self-pleasure. Maybe you have questions about self-orientation. Maybe you need to work on healing from trauma.
Maybe body image is something that you want to focus more on and definitely embodiment. Perhaps creating the life of your dreams or journeying to your authentic self. Maybe you just want to stop people pleasing. Whatever questions you have and concerns you have, we have the answers and the coaching that you need. In all actuality, you have the answers inside of you. And the coaching will help bring that out. And you know what? You get to choose how you want to be coached.
You can be coached by video, by audio only or you can use the questions and answers session, it’s whatever works for you. You get to sit back and relax and get the help that you need and your cameras are off. And every month we have a new workshop in addition to our regular coaching sessions. So click on the link below in the show notes and find out more about The Lit Clit Club. We can’t wait to see you there in the club, come join us. Things are just starting to heat up. Alright, Dr. Sonia out. Love you all, Diamonds.