Ep #99: Unbreakable Promises

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women^TM Podcast, episode 99.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women^TM Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, hello Diamonds. It’s good to be back for another podcast episode. And I am so excited that we are getting closer to the 100^th episode. Can you believe it? I have been doing this podcast for just about two years now. That blows my mind.

Well, the summer is quickly passing and my daughter, Jamie, my baby, my 10 year old is heading into middle school. I can’t believe that my baby is in middle school. This is going to be her first year of middle school. Yeah, she’s growing up. She is officially a tween, not a teen but a tween as she likes to tell me, “It’s so difficult being a tween, mom.” She’s a little bit of a drama queen like her mother. So, she gets it, honestly. And I wouldn’t have her any other way, honestly I would not.

So, we’ve explained to her that now that she’s in double digits there’s going to be more responsibilities, there’s going to be more intentional thoughts and actions that are going to be required of her. And also, more of a focus upon who she wants to become, who she is right now we celebrate and who she wants to be we definitely are working on that intentionally at this point in time. We’ve previously introduced the ideas of goals to her and we’ve also talked to her about values.

And let’s be real, basically we were talking about values that we would like to instill in her, what we would like to emphasize as important values for her to develop, values like integrity, honesty, self-value, self-care, self-trust and mainly keeping promises to yourself. I think keeping promises to yourself is one of the hardest things to do. And so, I think it’s one of the things that I’d like to instill in my daughter at a young age so that she continues to be there for herself, to have her own back and to identify what she wants to do and be in this world, make promises to herself and then head towards that.

And I’m always thinking of new ways to introduce ideas and concepts to her. And so, I came up with a very special ceremony that we’re going to be doing this weekend. And I call this ceremony, the unbreakable bond ceremony. So right now, Jamie is really into Harry Potter. And at one point in the sixth movie there are two characters that make an unbreakable vow or a promise. And when you make an unbreakable vow at least in the movie you promise to accomplish the goal or die. That’s how important it is, this unbreakable vow.

And as these two characters were making this unbreakable promise a magical binding thread wrapped around their arms as they clasped their hands together, this magical thread wrapped around their arms binding this promise. And I love that symbolism. Okay, we’re not going to be as dramatic though I do like to be somewhat dramatic. But we’re not going to be as dramatic and as intense as in the movie, so don’t worry. No one is going to die or promise that they will do something and if they don’t then they have to die or something like that. No, it’s not about that.

And please note, no one will be harmed during this ceremony in any way. But I thought it might be interesting to take that concept of an unbreakable promise and put it to good use. So, I thought it might be fun to use a similar concept and have a ceremony around this concept to help Jamie solidify her values of self-love, and integrity, and self-respect. And also introduce the idea of a long term goal, like a year long goal.

So I went to the magical place, yes, Amazon. And I bought a variety of stone bead bracelets, so little beads that are made out of stone. And they’re going to represent a magical unbreakable bond. And she can choose which stone bracelet she wants. And this is actually going to be something for her and something for one of her friends, and then something also for myself and my partner.

And we’re going to talk to her about what values that she would like to develop for herself and also talk to her about what is a major goal that she would like to accomplish in the next 365 days. And the plan is to have the unbreakable promise ceremony yearly and set a new goal each year. And each year make a promise to herself, ourselves and then work on it, work on becoming the person who accomplishes that goal and work on accomplishing the goal.

And most importantly to learn to keep self-promises, promises to yourself. And I plan to discuss how you don’t have to be perfect but you do have to be committed. And I do also want to mention that it might not go smoothly, it usually doesn’t. And there probably will be a point where you’re like, “This is a bad idea, why did I think I wanted to do this?” And that’s okay. This is kind of what life is about. Well, my concept of this unbreakable bond ceremony, it can either go very well and she’ll learn about self-promises, and integrity, and commitment, and perseverance no matter what.

Or it will be another reason why I need to set aside money for her counselling. All these things that parents think are a great idea and are fun, and amazing, and children don’t necessarily see it the same way. And so, we’ll see how it goes. I will report back to you on how the year of the unbreakable bond is going.

So, this week with the podcast as I’m thinking about this unbreakable bond ceremony I’m also thinking about some unbreakable promises in my own life, things that I’ve committed to doing. I think my top unbreakable promise overall is to help women become more comfortable and ultimately empowered in their sexuality. And that’s what I consider an external unbreakable promise.

My other external unbreakable promise is that I’m always going to love and be there for my children no matter what and I’m quite sure you have your own unbreakable promises that you made to other people and to yourself. You might have another additional external unbreakable promise like to love, and support, and be there for your partner no matter what. But what I’m really interested in are the promises that we make to ourselves because these promises are often not unbreakable.

We say they’re unbreakable but when the accountability is only to ourselves somehow it’s not as strong as  a promise as it could otherwise be. We often end up being very committed to being there for everyone else but not necessarily as committed to being there for ourselves.

So, I’d like to talk more about our unbreakable promises, the ones we choose to make to ourselves. What would we like those self-unbreakable promises to be? Those are sometimes harder to identify and they’re often the ones that we don’t necessarily keep because we feel they won’t have as many ramifications as other promises. Maybe our promises to ourselves are we’re going to get more sleep. Maybe we’re going to stop scrolling on Facebook and Instagram. Maybe we’re going to exercise more or maybe make sure to eat a healthy diet.

But these self-promises often decrease in importance over time and end up being the first ones to go. Why is that? Why is it the promises that we make to ourselves are the ones that are the hardest for us to keep? Think about that. The most important person in your life should be yourself. And yet we keep promises to everybody else and we don’t necessarily keep the promises to ourselves. We don’t prioritize our self-promises. We don’t prioritize ourselves.

We are socialized to choose others over ourselves, especially women. We are taught to be selfless instead of selfish. But I say self-promises lead to being self-full. And when we keep our promises it’s like there’s nothing that we can’t do. When we keep our promises to ourselves there’s nothing that we can’t do in this world. We become energized. We become empowered. And then we’re ready to give to others. It’s like putting on your life jacket first and then helping others. Keep your promises to yourself, enrich, and energize your life and then help others.

In order to enrich your life, make the unbreakable promise to yourself. The rest of this podcast is not necessarily going to have answers. It’s going to have a lot of questions, questions you might want to ask yourself, questions that you might want to ponder over the next couple of days and weeks. And then decide what it is you want to do. What does your unbreakable promise to yourself look like? If you were invited to our unbreakable bond ceremony and feel free to have your own, do your own version. I would love if people did their own version and sent me stories about it and how it went for you.

But if you were invited to our unbreakable bond ceremony then what would you like to promise yourself? What would you like to commit to improving in your life? What would you like to commit to improving in your general life overall and also in your sexual intimacy? Yes, I’m a life coach and a sex coach and I think about things in both perspectives because they’re really entwined, they’re not separate. So, what is it that you’d like to commit to improving in your life, in your life in general and also having to do with sexual intimacy?

Here’s some more questions for today’s podcast. What is a promise that you’d like to make for yourself and to yourself that you’d like to keep for the next 365 days? Would you like to have more self-love? Would you like to commit to getting more sleep? Would you like to commit to keeping your promises just in general to yourself? Would you like to commit to more healthy eating and exercise? What is something that you haven’t necessarily been able to commit to in the past but you’re ready to commit to now because you love yourself?

You value yourself and you want things to be different. And in the same vein, what would you like to promise yourself to make an unbreakable vow in order to improve your sex life? Every week I come to you talking about another concept related to sexual intimacy, we talk about libido, we talk about pleasure, we talk about defining intimacy on your own terms, we talk about mindfulness, we talk about leaving the to-do list behind. We talk about creating and focusing on for you sex. We talk about dealing with our partners and what requests they may have in life.

Whatever it is, every week I come to you with a new thought or idea related to sexual intimacy. If you look at over all the past podcasts that I’ve done, what is something that you would like to commit to improving in your life in terms of your sexuality, where would you make that unbreakable vow? Would it be that you’re finally going to take the time to focus on your pleasure and to masturbate weekly? Would it possibly be that you’re going to buy a toy and see how that enhances your sex life?

Would it be that you’re finally ready to have that difficult conversation with your partner about the fact that you’ve not really been enjoying sex for a long time? It’s easy to listen to my podcast week after week and laugh at my bad jokes but at some point this is about changing the quality of the sexual intimacy in your life. At some point it’s about making the promise to yourself that you’re going to do what you don’t really want to do in order to improve your life overall and to improve your sex life.

It might involve stepping out in faith and trying something completely new, something that might shock you a little bit. Maybe it looks like how you want to show up in this world as a sexual being. Maybe you’re interested in BDSM. Maybe you’re interested in non-monogamy. Maybe it’s an overhaul of your sexual orientation, who you are attracted to in this world. You get to decide what’s it going to be, what is going to be your unbreakable bond, your unbreakable vow, your unbreakable promise, that you promise yourself about your sexuality.

Maybe it’s that you’re just going to give up all notions of good girls and bad girls and say fuck it and enjoy yourself. And of course, if you’d like to share what your unbreakable promise to yourself is going to be, please, please feel free to reach out to us at podcast@soniawrightmd.com. And let us know what your unbreakable promise is going to be for the next 365 days.

Now, if you choose to improve self-pleasure and masturbation in your life, know that this does not necessarily mean that you have to masturbate all 365 days. Just putting that out there, you can if you want to and that’s a fun goal. But you don’t necessarily, it could be I choose to masturbate once a week and spend time with myself, and enjoy myself, and find out about my body, that type of thing. I don’t want to push you all over the edge making you think that you have to masturbate every single day.

So, we’re at the beginning of August right now, August of 2022. Where do you want to be at the beginning of August of 2023? What do you want to be doing? Who do you want to show up as? So, this podcast is different in that it’s not full of a long list of things to do. It is full of a long list of questions, questions for you to ponder and to think about. What do you want to value and to emphasize in your life? What are your self-promises? And what are your self-promises specifically around your sexuality?

Okay, Diamonds, wish me and the family luck this weekend with our unbreakable bond ceremony. And I wish you luck with developing your own unbreakable promises to yourself. Have fun with this and take your time to figure it out. Take your time to figure out what is the most important thing that you would like to improve in your life, in your life overall and also when it comes to your sexuality. And remember, feel free to share it with us at podcast@soniawrightmd.com. Alright, Diamonds, that’s it for this week. I’ll talk to you next week. Dr. Sonia out with lots of love and saying bye bye.

Hey Diamonds, do you want to reignite the passion that’s gone missing from your life? Do you want to want to want it again? You know I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation that women experience associated with sexual difficulties. And many of you also know that I was once in that place where I was experiencing little to no sexual intimacy in my life. And I kept thinking that there was something that was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t smart enough to fix this problem.

And I was worried all the time that my relationship was too far gone because of this lack of intimacy. Well, you know what? I was right about one thing. The relationship didn’t last. But even though the relationship didn’t last I committed to doing the work that I needed to do to own my sexuality. And now I have this amazing sex life and it’s everything that I wanted it to be. And I’m also committed to helping my Diamonds by teaching them the same strategies that I figured out in order to revitalize the intimacy in their life.

So, if you want to stop feeling broken, if you want to stop feeling shame and guilt about sexuality, if you want to feel more comfortable with your sexuality and tap into that pleasure then I’m here for you Diamonds. First of all, know that there’s nothing that’s gone wrong with you. You’re not broken. And you know what? You can solve your intimacy issues. You can let go of that shame and guilt, and you can tap into that passionate person that’s just waiting to come out.

Let’s get on a strategy call together. And let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you. And know that a strategy call, it’s like a 100% a safe place, there’s no judgment. We’ll talk about your intimacy situation which is what’s going on right now. We’re also going to talk about your intimacy goals, what you would like your intimacy to look like in the future. And then we’ll talk about how we could possibly work together to come up with a personalized strategy plan for you so you can get the results that you need.

So, Diamonds, I’m here for you. Don’t wait another minute, book that consultation call with me today. And I can’t wait to talk to you. You can get that consultation call by going to soniawrightmd.as.me and the link is also in the show notes. Okay, have a great day. I can’t wait to talk to you. Take care.