Ep #141: Soul Bursting with Master Coach Lisa Hatlestad

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 141.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, it’s so good to see you whether you’re listening to this podcast or you’re on the YouTube channel or anywhere in between. So good to have you with us and today is a special treat for me because I get to spend some time with one of my favorite people who is also a coach in The Lit Clit Club. And if you haven’t heard about The Lit Clit Club, stay and at the end there will be an announcement about The Lit Clit Club but that is going live in June for our founding members and officially starting in July for everyone else but stay tuned for more information on that.

But right now we are going to be talking to Coach Lisa Hadlestad who is just, I love her. I love her. There’s just no words. She’s so fantastic and amazing. And so excited that she is part of The Lit Clit Club project. And I just wanted to introduce you to her for people that may not know her. She is just a godsend. She is a jewel. She is an amazing Diamond. She’s so many different things. And the talk that I’m having with each one of my team members is what’s the concept of soul bursting? What is the coaching that they bring to The Lit Clit Club and anything else that they want to add in.

And so I am going to read you what she said about soul bursting and then we’re going to have a discussion and then go from there. Alright, so this is what Lisa is saying. To me, soul bursting is synonymous with liberation, which can really only happen with total acceptance, honorary and bravery following the breadcrumbs of one’s true self. Even when that path makes no sense to others or is oppositional from what’s typically imprinted upon us from the dominant culture.

Whatever medicine I have for myself and for others comes from not telling and proclaiming and pointing out myself but from being. I love that. The more I allow myself to be all that I am, unashamed and integrate all parts of my nature and simply live in accordance with that, the more content, in love with life that I become. Life, spirit, God, whatever you wish to call it is here to live itself out uniquely through each of us in our respective lifetimes. Knowing that I’m a manifestation of that inspires wonder and awe in me.

And even more joyful and gratifying is that when I am living this fully, this true freedom also makes itself seen and therefore available to others. Does that make my soul burst with gratitude? Yes, it does. Oh my goodness, you have a way with words. My heart, my soul is bursting just reading that. So Master Coach certified Lisa Hadlestad, could you introduce yourself and then let’s talk more about this.

Lisa: I would be happy to. I’m kind of a soppy mass of melting heart right now. Everything you said and I loved hearing you read my words. I get a little embarrassed because I’m a writer and I use a lot of words but I really loved hearing that definition. So I want everybody to know when Sonia first asked me what soul bursting was to me, I was like, “Oh, honey, I don’t even know what that means, help me understand.” And these aren’t Sonia’s exact words but what it came down to me is what makes what in here just come out.

And it’s almost like we just carry this glow, this aura of happiness that really can’t be touched by anybody else. It’s within us. So I was so grateful to be given the opportunity to talk about that. Yeah, so the other thing I’m really melty about is just getting to be a part of The Lit Clit Club. And I’m still working on. It’s not an iteration but it’s very, it’s tricky for me to say so I might be calling it The Clit, Clit, Clit Club at times but that’s okay.

It has been one of the, I’m just going to call it, it feels so much like an honor and a privilege to me to be able to work with you, Sonia, in the advanced Certification in Women’s Sexual Intimacy that we’re doing together. And then stepping into The Lit Clit Club coming up, it’s like, how could life be any better? And it wasn’t all that long ago that it never occurred to me, the absolute power and beauty and honor and love that’s involved with women’s sexual intimacy, women’s sexuality. So just so grateful for that and I love working with you.

I think all of you listening and watching probably have run across Sonia before and she is just everything that she presents herself to be. She’s just wonderful right to the bone. So to get around to introducing myself, I’m from Minnesota. I live north of where Sonia lives, up in the rural area of Northern Minnesota. I am a Master Certified life coach. I also have certifications and trainings in other styles of coaching and integrative work. And primarily my work is all about liberation. And what I mean by that, because I kept hearing that word too for a long time of what does that mean, what does that mean?

And it could really sound like just another one of those words that we throw out there because it sounds really high minded and wonderful. But there is a very grounded work to liberation that is available to all of us. And so when I’m talking about liberation I am talking about dispelling the limiting and what makes us small that comes to us naturally through culture, through what we’re taught, through our family, through teaching, through society. And not to say that all of that is bad but often how we take it in and for how long we’ve taken it in and for how much we’ve taken it as true.

It can be really limiting and also inhibiting for us. And it’s almost like it pulls a mask or a full body costume over us. And here under that mask, under that costume here’s our real self. And I am interested in helping women see that, their real self.

Sonia: I love that. I love your use of liberation and the focus on unmasking. And being okay with the unmasking. I love how when I think of babies coming into this world that they are whole, they come in perfect. And then over our lifetime we take on the different masks, the different layers. And you get to a certain place in your life, not necessarily everybody but I think that if there is a calling within you, something to be authentic and to figure out what our calling is, if we hear that then we get to this place where we’re ready to start unmasking, it might feel real scary.

But at the same time that’s what leads to our soul bursting. When we do the unmasking and we’re living through our authentic life, our authentic self and we’re kind of just bursting out and we realize that all the thoughts, everything that we put on ourself to keep us safe or to follow what we’re supposed to do in society, that that is kind of optional. And we didn’t realize it.

Lisa: We didn’t realize it and we use the word ‘safety’ a lot. And we talk a lot about fear, fear is just a feeling and that much is true, fear is a feeling but it is a deeply embedded response within all of us meant to keep us physically really safe, really alive. And that part of us cannot distinguish between actual true danger. And sometimes those lines get blurred anyway. Sometimes being our true self in certain places can lead to actual physical danger. So it can be really confusing.

And I think the courageous work, it’s not like ripping open your Clark Kent suit and showing your Superman emblem because that’s not how life really works normally. We might have moments of that. The real work is walking like I said in my description of soul bursting, following the breadcrumbs, just walking into it. And I think there is a sense of, if we’re willing to lean into that fear and taking those steps and with each step, I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. And the more we’re okay and realize that we’re okay the more we can come out.

Sonia: So following the breadcrumbs, how do you know when something’s a breadcrumb? How do you know when you should follow something? How do you know when it’s real, when you should listen to it?

Lisa: That’s such a great question. And I’m just going to say, I’m not the official expert on this. It really is a trial and error type thing, sometimes we’re kind of trained to look for our hell yes. You know what I mean? And there’s a lot of talk about that in the self-development world, it’s either a hell yes or a hell no. And sometimes that may be true but also those responses, those big hell yeses can also be activation, nervous system activation that brings up a really big reaction to us. So there’s nothing wrong with that and we can follow those.

But if we’re always looking for a very specific loud clear hell yes, we’re actually missing the breadcrumbs, we’re looking for the pie in the sky instead of all the crumbs or the crust on the ground because most of us, we’re just sort of enculturated to follow those really big feelings. When the truth is, our inner voice, our soul and how it speaks to us is very, very personal, very unique and individual. And also one of my teachers says our soul’s a shy thing.

They’re like this beautiful, we live near the woods and there are these beautiful great tawny owls, but if we’re looking for them they’re nowhere to be found. But if we’re just in the woods being, all of a sudden in the corner of our eye we’ll see one just silently coming from tree to tree. And so I think in answer to your question, if you want to try out the hell yeses, totally do it. But also realize that a lot of our responses, our soul is like, “I think I want that. I think this might be the next step and it makes no earthly sense.”

And probably some of the people I know, the people in my circle or my friends or my family, they’re going to say, “What’s wrong with you, what happened to you?” So it’s really learning to listen to our subtle responses or even letting something sit for a day or two when it’s a big response so that we can start also sensing into the more subtle voices within us. Does that make sense?

Sonia: Yeah, that does make sense, I love how you say our soul, our spirit is shy. And at the same time it’s so powerful. Is it always there or is it the thing where if you don’t listen to it after a while it just stops saying something? What do you think about that?

Lisa: I think and this is my opinion, I think that our spirit, our soul, and I tend to think of spirit and soul as two different things. With our spirit, well, I won’t get into that but I think that our soul is always talking to us. And the reason it feels like we can’t connect with it is just because there’s so much loudness out there. You can’t turn on your television or go online or go on social media without so much coming at you, this is the way to be, this is the way to be. And it’s only natural that a lot of us, a lot of that, whether it means to or not plays into our kind of discerning instinct to am I going to be okay?

I need this. This is what will make me okay. And we’re hearing all this loudness and then when we hear this little voice, if we do, it’s almost like we dismiss it as insignificant.

Sonia: So good, yeah. So I’m going to switch gears a little bit because I could spend all day talking about this but you are a Master Certified life coach. You are an amazing sex coach. And we have the honor of having you in The Lit Clit Club. How do you describe your coaching style? And describe your coaching style to us. [Crosstalk].

Lisa: Okay. So it’s hard, my coaching style is very relative. I believe in relationships. And I am just going to say a series of things. I’m pretty laid back. I am not one of those people, I have a power just like we all do, I can be powerful or I’m trying to be careful because it isn’t so much about me. But I’m not one of those people that will light a fire under somebody’s ass. That’s not how I’ve seen my role in life. My work is about stabilizing and sustaining that fire. That fire is already there and sometimes we need initiators to kindle that fire and that’s fine.

And once in a while I’m initiative, but I’m really all about, it’s already within you. Let me partner with you, let’s just go shoulder to shoulder and look at it. And let’s wipe all the mask off of it and all the dirt and all the social stuff that’s covering it and let’s look at it with wonder. So I would say that my coaching style is very much that. It’s very much based in even just knowing you, Sonia, I want you so much. I want everybody to see with wonder themselves. I’m pretty gentle most of the time.

And I’m also not afraid to say really hard things. I am always coming from the place where for me it’s always you tell me where I’m wrong. So I feel like I’m extremely approachable. And I see myself more as a companion, a mentor, a guide and an equal. It’s a journey and we’re just walking shoulder to shoulder. I am not in front of people going, “I’m more powerful, let me lead the way.”

Sonia: Yeah. And that’s something I love about you that you have an innate respect and regard for whomever you’re coaching.

Lisa: I really do.

Sonia: They are the ones that are the experts on their lives essentially. And you’re there to sustain and guide and to bring forth ideas and concepts, to kind of like if there’s a woven rug, you might just kind of take a couple of threads so gently, those golden threads that are in there. And be like, “Oh, what do you think about that? How about that?” And for those of you that don’t know, Lisa was my coach at one point in time. And she is gentle and kind. And she’s like, “I’m not a kick person in the ass type.” But she also is in the most loving gentle way that she’s not even aware.

Lisa: Because you don’t know you’re getting your ass kicked. No. Yeah, I love that. Sonia, I love that you talk about the threads because a lot of times that’s how, when I write about myself in my own writing and sometimes probably talk about it, it is, it’s both, I love to help people see their own tapestry. And so often we’ve got all these stories and these narratives in our head and we’re so afraid of them. It’s like I need to get rid of the story. And I’m like, “What if we look at that story. How is that woven into your tapestry and how can we find the gold in that thread?” It’s not all dark and bad. And also yeah, pulling them out.

And specifically to The Lit Clit Club, here’s the thing about how we express and experience our spirituality or our sexuality, excuse me, and spirituality probably too is so much of it is how do we look at ourselves as a body and how do we feel about our body? I get the honor of working with these highly intellectual ambitious beautiful women who, because culture needs our mind to cooperate. So then our focus is up here. And a lot of times it’s like our body is just, my body isn’t perfect or my body isn’t that, or my body this or my body that.

And I really want women to understand the entire soma which includes your body and all of its parts and the goodness of it. Also everything that sits within it, all of those responses that we’re talking about. This is, we feel our soul through our body. So specifically in The Lit Clit Club one of my focuses is going to be on body image and because it’s interesting the stuff we say like, “Forget about loving your body. With its imperfections that’s just impossible.” And I’m like, “Actually, no, it’s not.” And who is to say what’s perfect?

Perfect doesn’t exist, it’s the zero, it’s before it’s incarnated. So let’s honor and respect and tell the story and weave the tapestry of our beautiful bodies because how you feel about your body, it’s not just your physical body you bring into intimacy. It is your body image.

Sonia: Yeah, definitely. And that’s one of the reasons, there’s so many reasons I’m excited that you’re with us in The Lit Clit Club. But one of the things that I’m really excited about, because I do tend to live in my mind. I tend to float up here. And then I’m like, “Right, I’ve got a body, let me go down.” And of course I love sex and sexuality because that allows me to be in my body, one of the ways. But I also love how you come from this place of embodiment work. Could you tell us a little bit about that as well?

Lisa: Yeah. So what it means to be, we’re already all embodied. We’re not just this thing that’s free floating. We’re all embodied. And so for me, embodiment, and people will define it differently but for me what it means is to bring your entire soma into your experience. Listen, people, spirit can’t feel. Spirit does not have emotions or feelings, it cannot feel joy, it can’t feel sorrow. Because spirit is not carnal until it’s in our body. Our whole experience of having a physical body is so that we can experience carnality, not just sexual carnality.

But the experience of being alive, which means we get to experience breathing and feeling and having emotions and touching and sex and all of the good stuff. So that’s what I mean by embodiment. It’s kind of like let’s unify our spirit, our soul, our mind with the instrument that we were given to get to walk through life and experience our aliveness.

Sonia: So good. So when I’m talking about you as a sex coach. What do you think is the number one thing that comes up that you coach on?

Lisa: There is always body image and then it feels like it’s so meshed together but I would say the predominant issue is always about libido or desire. And the conflict that most women feel between I’m busy, I’m stressed, there’s so much to give one more thing of my body even to the person I love, just feels like too much. And I feel terrible about that, my partner wants sex more than I do is what it comes down to. That’s probably the most common. And then the body image and the feeling inhibited.

Sonia: Okay. So we’re going to be talking more about this. You and I are going to be doing a Q&A together for all my Diamonds. But I’m just wondering, since that is the one that comes up the most, how do you start to get somebody on that path so they look at their breadcrumbs so that they see what thoughts they could possibly consider?

Lisa: I love that question. And yeah, to start accessing the breadcrumbs and it’s for ourselves as women, if we’re in that situation where we feel pressured to have sex because our partner wants to have more sex, and we’re feeling too stressed out and we don’t even know how to access it, the first thing to do, we have to unzip the costume and peek out, where is the pressure and guilt coming from? Is there a desire in you or is this completely responsive, I need to do this or I’m not being a good partner?

Because we need to get that out of the way so that we can actually see what is our path, the path laid out with all these breadcrumbs to desire and to intimacy? If that makes sense.

Sonia: Alright. Well, thank you so much Lisa for being here and talking to us so that all of our Diamonds can get to know you a little bit more. You are so amazing. And of course you’re in The Lit Clit Club and that’s where we’re going to be spending a lot of time together. But if they wanted to check out some of the work that you do as well in your area of expertise, separate from sex coaching, how could they find out more about you?

Lisa: The best way is either, I’m not always on social media but I’m on enough so you can always look me up on Facebook is what I use predominantly. I’m also on Instagram in both cases as Lisa Hadlestad. My website lisahadlestad.com which is under construction right now, reconstruction. I also have a weekly newsletter, The Sunday Muse, where I share work. And those are probably the best ways to find and know more about me. And then definitely Sonia’s Lit Clit Club. We’ll be getting to know one another. I’m so excited for that.

Sonia: I am so excited too. Lisa, you are amazing. Thank you so much for coming on this call and we’ll see all the Diamonds in The Lit Clit Club. Thanks so much.

Lisa: Thank you, Sonia.

                                                                                                                   

Hey Diamonds, have you heard the amazing news? Dr. Sonia, that would be me and my team have created a sex coaching and life coaching monthly membership program called The Lit Clit Club. Yes, you heard it here first. The Lit Clit Club was made just for you for all of my Diamonds. It’s a safe place where women can come to create the life that they want. It’s a place where you get to talk openly about your sexual concerns and be heard. There’s no judgment here, no reprimand, no labels, just acceptance, knowledge, freedom, love.

It’s a place where you get to ask all the questions you’ve ever wanted to ask about sex. You get to dream big and create your life your way, inside and outside of the bedroom. So come to the club for the sexual intimacy coaching and stay for the empowerment and the freedom. Do you have questions about libido, menopause, perimenopause, sexual health, relationships, sexual orientation, pleasure equality, orgasms, religion and intimacy? Wow, I need to take a breath because I’m not finished with this list yet.

Maybe you have questions on toys, BDSM, non-monogamy, self-love, healing from trauma, maybe embodiment and positive body image. Wait, one more breath, perhaps you’re focused on creating the life of your dreams, journeying to your authentic self. Just stop people pleasing and me please instead. We have the answers and the coaching just for you. So click on the link below to find out more. We start June 1^st, 2023. And did you hear that May is Founding Member Month for all of my loyal Diamonds that have been with me on the sex coaching journey over the years? I want to say thank you.

So in the month of May 2023 you get to be a founding member at the founding member price of only $67 a month as long as you have continuous membership. That $67 a month is a substantial savings off the regular fee of $97 a month. Or you could sign up for one year. So you could sign up for 12 months and that is only $670 instead of $970. So you get $300 off that. I want you with me. All of my Diamonds, I want you with me as a founding member.

This membership is for you. The Lit Clit Club is your place, your safe haven where you get to come and interact with me, get the coaching that you want, interact with my team. I have an amazing team and you’re going to be meeting them over the month of May and June but you also get to jump in and just click on the link below to find out all about The Lit Clit Club. So join The Lit Clit Club and rewrite your sexual story. Heck, you get to rework your entire life and make it exactly what you want.

So you get a new ooh in the bedroom and you get a new you outside the bedroom. Lit Clit Club is for you. We want you there. We are dedicated to doing this work with you and we’re going to have a hell of a lot of fun. So come join us. Can’t wait to see you inside the club. Love you, Diamonds.