Ep #123: Reconnecting with Your Teenage Sexuality

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 123.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, it’s Dr. Sonia, how are you doing? I am so excited to be here. We are in January of a new year, new year, new you, new everything. You get to decide what it is that you want to do this year. And you get to decide how you want to be this year. And you get to decide how you want to express your sexuality. We’ve talked a lot about the new year, and the new you, and what it is that you might want to accomplish this year.

But I actually want to take you back to another you. Most of the women that listen to my podcast are in their 40s, 50s, late 30s. I want to bring you back to your teenage years. And the reason I want to do that is I just finished doing the first session of Own Your Sexuality Now and I love this group. Oh my goodness, the women in this group are so dynamic, and amazing, and caring. And I’m just having a fabulous time with this group. If you’d like to join this group, feel free to join it because we’re just getting started.

But it made me realize that when we’re in our 40s, and 50s, and beyond, this really becomes our time. This really becomes the time that we get to choose what we want our life to be like right now and what we want it to be in the future going forward. It’s a magical time in our lives. It’s really the time where we get to look back at who we were when we first came out in our sexuality, just as our sexuality was blooming. And when we were just getting to be sexual beings.

And I mean we’re sexual our entire life but really in our teenage years is where we really start expressing our sexuality and wanting to express it possibly with somebody else. And it also comes at a time when we are learning about sexuality, we’re trying to figure out how to express our sexuality and we’re also getting a lot of negative messages, especially girls. We’re being taught that good girls do this, bad girls do that. Watch out if you’re engaged in sexual intimacy, you can end up pregnant. We’re also taught about sexually transmitted diseases.

There’s so much that we are taught at the same time that our sexuality is just coming out. And it’s really a scary time. Our bodies are changing, we would like to engage in something fun. We know that our body wants to engage in something fun, but at the same time we’re being told by so many people around us to watch out for this, watch out for that, that it’s not a good thing to engage in, that it’s going to change your reputation, all these negative things.

So very often we go down a path that leads to shame and repression. And we don’t really get to express our sexuality. Then our 20s and 30s come into play and we’re focused on adulting, and getting that job, and finding the partner, and all those things that we need. And then we’re like, “I don’t know if I’m as happy as I could be. But maybe if I throw some children in the pile then somehow I’ll get happier.  And let’s get a really stressful job and throw that in the mix too.”

And then we get to our 40s and we’re like, “This is some bullshit.” And what I’d like to do today is go back to that teenager. If we could strip away all that stuff that is piled on her head. She’s just getting to the place where maybe she’s figuring out how her clitoris works and she has urges. She’s seeing people that she finds attractive, male, female, non-binary, whoever they’re attracted to. And she’s like, “Hey.” And at the same time the world is starting to try and control her. And the world is trying to put their rules and stuff on her.

And she doesn’t really get a chance to explore that sexuality the way she’d like to. And maybe if she would like to explore that, it’s the same time that a lot of shame and everything is being put on her. So she doesn’t get that opportunity. My question to my Diamonds now is would you like that opportunity? Would you like to go back and find that person, to find that inner sexuality, to find that blossoming sexuality, and bring that forward into the woman that is here now, the woman that is confident, the woman that has control, more control over her life than she ever did?

A 17 year old doesn’t necessarily have much control over her life, but a 42 year old, a 52 year old, a 62 year old, yeah, we have more control and power over our lives. Do we want to bring that sexuality that was just starting to bloom, do we want to bring it all the way forward now and reconnect with that and to tap in with that? That’s really what my question is for you right now. What would that look like? What would that look like if we could reconnect with that sexuality and maybe express our sexuality in a whole new way and without being brought down by others’ bullshit?

What if we threw it all away and started afresh, so with a clean slate when it comes to our sexuality and how we want to express that? What if actually spent some time with ourselves? It’s almost like this month of January and into February, maybe between now to Valentine’s Day we have a love affair with ourselves. And we start to connect with ourselves. We get to connect with that special sexuality that is within us. And we get to say, “Hey, hey, do you want to come out and play? But there’ll be so much fun.”

What if we between now and February, Valentine’s Day, made a pledge that we are going to buy two or three different toys and explore our body and find out all the amazing things that it could do? I was in the Own Your Sexuality Now course and I was talking to people about being postmenopausal. And postmenopausal can be the best sex of your lives. And people were not believing me but really it can be. You get to define the sexuality that you want and you get to be creative.

But it is about tapping into your body and having an understanding of how pleasure works for you look and what stimulation you may need. And to be able to engage and to learn more about your body, and to bring forth that sexuality. Imagine if you could bring forth that sexuality without any shame, you could just bring it forth and just enjoy yourself, what if that were the case? Wouldn’t that be so wonderful if you could just tap into that?

Take a weekend retreat and spend the whole weekend self-pleasuring and being kind to yourself, buying yourself diamonds, going out to nice dinners with yourself. Making fancy baths with little candles, and glowing, and just sitting there say, “I love you, you’re so amazing, wow.” What if you got to know your clitoris, really got to spend some time, you and your clitoris without somebody else trying to paw at it? What if it was just you or just a gentle reawakening of all that is and all that could possibly be? I think that would be pretty cool.

So as we’re in January maybe this is the time that we get to reach back and bring her forward. And in bringing her forward we ask ourself, how would I like to express my blooming sexuality now today as a grown woman that’s not in a place of confusion? But it’s very clear that it is okay for her to experience sexuality and pleasure, a grown woman that doesn’t have ideas about who is a good person, or a bad person, or what’s a good girl, and what’s a bad girl.

But just gets to choose that they want to express that and explore their sexuality, what would that look like for you? What would that look like if you went back, can you remember? And I was telling my Diamonds in Own Your Sexuality Now, the intimate edition. They’re like “What was your favorite song back in your teenage years?” Because that kind of brings you back to your teenage years. So what is your favorite song? If you could go back to that time what would your favorite song be? And tapping into that period in your life.

And then maybe when you were just starting to feel all those feelings, you didn’t know exactly what to do with somebody but you were interested in giving it a try, what was that like? And would you like to experience that now? You can experience that now. You can go back and bring that wonder, and excitement, and pleasure, and experiences for the first time, you can bring it into the current life that you’re leading and you can decide that you want a new exploration.

And this is part of how you make sexual intimacy the best sex of your life right now as you figure out how to make this something for you and how to put the effort and the tension into it to do what it is that you are interested in doing. So this is not a long podcast today, but it is a pretty meaningful one. I’d love all of you to go back in time, go back in time to that girl that was just starting with her sexuality blossoming. And I’d like you to celebrate that, to celebrate that blossoming sexuality and to have that celebration that somebody maybe didn’t allow you to have.

And so as you are in your teenage years and you’re bringing that forward into your 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond, celebrating the fact that you are a sexual being, celebrating what that means to you. And what it means from this point forward in terms of how you want to express your sexuality, and how you want to enjoy yourself. So your attitude when you were 17/18 around sex and sexuality may have been influenced and determined by other people.

And now your attitude which are your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your actions, your attitude around sex and sexual intimacy is something you get to completely create now. Give yourself permission to enjoy it. Give yourself permission to explore it. Give yourself permission to go back and find that girl that didn’t exactly know what to do with her sexuality and let her know that it’s okay. You’re taking over here from now on. And that you have plans for the sexuality.

Now, many of you know I have a baby girl, Jamie, she is just about 11. She’s going to be 11 pretty soon. And I’m seeing my child grow up from a little girl to a young woman. And I want to be there to celebrate with her. And she will probably be thinking it’s completely corny and not want anything to do with me but I would love to have, when her menses starts, to have a celebration about that. I’d love to have a celebration with her about her changing body and her becoming a young lady and becoming a woman.

And when the time is appropriate having conversations with her about her sexuality. And I still, actually I actually have them right now but I base the conversation mainly on her questions because I figure if she has a question she’s ready for the answer. And so that’s kind of how I talk about sex and sexual intimacy with my children, with my daughter, with my son.

But I’m looking forward to her growing into a woman, and hopefully a woman that gets to celebrate her sexuality. That’s a gift that I would like to help give my daughter as she grows up. So it becomes something natural so it’s not tied to negative things. And this is also something that you can choose to give to any of your daughters as well, any young women in your line. You can let them know that, “Hey, this is okay.” And to celebrate as they become sexual beings.

There is nothing wrong with being sexual, we get to celebrate that for the young women in our lives and we get to celebrate that for the young woman who we used to be. So, Diamonds, I’m going to leave you with that. It’s about a celebration of you being a sexual being. And if you were not able to celebrate in the past, you get to do that celebration right now. You get to give that gift to yourself at the beginning of this year to acknowledge that you are a sexual being.

And then you get to decide what would you like to do with that, with that information, with that part of you, that you’re reconnecting with. Okay, Diamonds, Dr. Sonia, I am out. This was a quick but important podcast about your sexual self, the blooming, the beginning of it and where you are now and reconnecting with all that. Okay, Diamonds, I will see you next week, lots of love. Dr. Sonia out.

Hey Diamonds, do you want to reignite the passion that’s gone missing from your life? Do you want to want to want it again? You know I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation that women experience associated with sexual difficulties. And many of you also know that I was once in that place where I was experiencing little to no sexual intimacy in my life. And I kept thinking that there was something that was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t attractive enough, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t smart enough to fix this problem.

And I was worried all the time that my relationship was too far gone because of this lack of intimacy. Well, you know what? I was right about one thing, the relationship didn’t last. But even though the relationship didn’t last, I committed to doing the work that I needed to do to own my sexuality. And now I have this amazing sex life and it’s everything that I wanted it to be. And I’m also committed to helping my Diamonds by teaching them the same strategies that I figured out in order to revitalize the intimacy in their life.

So, if you want to stop feeling broken, if you want to stop feeling shame and guilt about sexuality, if you want to feel more comfortable with your sexuality and tap into that pleasure then I’m here for you, Diamonds. First of all, know that there’s nothing that’s gone wrong with you. You’re not broken. And you know what? You can solve your intimacy issues. You can let go of that shame and guilt, and you can tap into that passionate person that’s just waiting to come out. Let’s get on a strategy call together and let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you.

And know that a strategy call, it’s 100% a safe place, there is no judgment. We’ll talk about your intimacy situation, which is what’s going on right now. We’re also going to talk about your intimacy goals, what you would like your intimacy to look like in the future. And then we’ll talk about how we could possibly work together to come up with a personalized strategy plan for you so you can get the results that you need. So, Diamonds, I’m here for you, don’t wait another minute. Book that consultation call with me today and I can’t wait to talk to you.

You can get that consultation call by going to soniawrightmd.as.me. And the link is also in the show notes. Okay, have a great day. I can’t wait to talk to you. Take care.