Ep #191: Pride: Being Authentically YOU

The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast with Dr. Sonia Wright | Pride: Being Authentically YOU

Happy Pride Month, my Diamonds! As we celebrate love and diversity this June, I’d like to explore the topics of self-acceptance, sexual orientation and what it means to come out – especially in the later part of your life. I personally came out around 2004 and 2005. For a long time I identified as heterosexual but after getting divorced in my 30s, I thought it would be a great opportunity to explore my sexuality further.

Many people experience a ‘late bloom’, or what is also called Late Onset Lesbianism. Behind all of that, sexual orientation is on a spectrum, it’s fluid and ever-changing. In this episode, we’ll be discussing this concept and focusing on another Major Arcana card that ties beautifully into the theme of self-acceptance: The Hierophant. Traditionally associated with conformity, religious guidance and spiritual authority – the card has taken on a modern meaning around inclusivity and progressiveness.

Tune in this week as we celebrate Pride Month and embark on a path of self-discovery and empowerment. Learn how to embrace your true self, shed societal expectations, and step into your authentic power, with the help of The Hierophant.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
  • What the concept of “late bloomers” and Late Onset Lesbianism means. 
  • How to question the idea of a fixed sexual orientation. 
  • How self-acceptance empowers you, especially when it comes to sexual identity.
  • How The Hierophant card, reinterpreted for a modern world, can guide you on your path to authenticity.
  • How to shed societal expectations and limiting beliefs to embrace your true self.
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Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast with Dr. Sonia Wright, episode 191.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds. How are you doing today? Happy Pride Month. I love the month of June, it’s Pride Month. And when I came out, it seems like a bazillion years ago but I came out in 2004, about 2004/2005. And when I came out in 2004/2005, it’s 20 years, so actually, I get to celebrate my 20th anniversary for coming out. But it was an interesting journey, my process of coming out and coming to this place of understanding more about my sexual orientation. It’s been something that’s been going on for a very long time.

I identified as heterosexual and really did not have a concept that I might be anything other than heterosexual till I was in my 30s and I thought well, that’s fine. I’m married, so I’m not really going to do much about this. And then when I got a divorce, I thought, well, you have the chance to explore this further and see if this is something that is for you. So now there’s a term for this, it’s called late onset lesbianism or some people call it late blooming lesbianism.

But I think behind all of that is the fact that sexual orientation is on a spectrum, that doesn’t necessarily have to be one way or another, it’s a gradation. And it’s also something that can change over time, which is also an interesting concept because some people believe that you are born a certain way, and that’s who you are. And I definitely believe there are a lot of people like that and probably the majority of people are fixed in their sexual orientation.

But then I think there’s also some people, it’s not necessarily fixed in the sexual orientation and it kind of may have an ebb and flow to it. I’m not exactly certain. I’m not going to say that it’s one way versus another, but I know for each individual it gets to be the way it is in their body. Some people know from the day that they’re born, they’re a certain sexual orientation. And other people might have a sense that it’s a certain way. And other people may not know it all.

I have talked to a number of different people around their sexual orientation and people have different stories. And I know their story is true, it’s their truth for them. So, if somebody says, “I have been gay from the day I was born.” That is their truth and that’s definitely the way it is. And then there are a small group of people that I’ve encountered that honestly say, “I had no idea and over time it kind of revealed itself.” And that can also be true as well.

And so there gets to be a place for all different sexual orientations and all different coming out stories. But then you also have the overlay of culture and structure, society and social norms and all that may pay a part in it as well. It might be a little easier coming out now, but I also think that that depends on your religion, on your culture, on your family situation. So, for some people, if they choose to come out, it still means they get ostracized. It still means that they may be kicked out of their family or kicked out of their religion or kicked out of their culture or even killed.

So, this is something that we have to definitely take into consideration when we’re thinking about Pride Month and what it means to be yourself and to be proud of who you are. And I think that I celebrate Pride not only around sexual orientation, but I also celebrate it and I see more and more people celebrating Pride around this concept of being true to yourself.

So, we’ve been looking at the major arcana, the tarot cards, and we’re at the fifth one, which is the hierophant. And it’s very fitting that the hierophant comes at this point in time when we’re also celebrating Pride Month. When I think of the hierophant, I think of it as being true to yourself and understanding your beliefs and living your life, reflecting your beliefs and understanding and ideas. And owning your identity and being the person that you’ve always wanted to be.

But let’s talk a little bit more about this. So traditionally the hierophant card is around spiritual authority and tradition and conformity and religious guidance. That’s originally the concept, if you look at some tarot cards, that’s what it talks about. And others focus more on the guidance and the teaching and the intention. I like to think of it in terms of reflecting your belief system. It’s between the spiritual and the material, the reality, who you are, how you show up, what your identity is.

It is formed between that place, the spiritual being about your beliefs, your ideas. And then the material being about the material world, your intentions, how you actually show up, what you actually do. Do your actions reflect your belief system? And between those is the intention, this becomes important when we’re talking about being in midlife and being women and choosing to show up the way we want to show up now.

Not necessarily the way we’ve been socialized or the way that other people have told us that we have to show up in order to be ‘a good woman’ or a good mother or a good researcher or a good doctor or a good whatever. It becomes important that you are in alignment with your belief system because ultimately you’re not going to be on this Earth. Do you want to have lived your life based on other people’s concept of what your life should be like?

Or do you want to live your life based on who you have always been meant to be and to show up as that authentic individual? That’s really what this is all about when I think of the hierophant. It’s the alignment of your spiritual, your beliefs, whatever that is, and embodying it. And the alignment and the understanding of your identity and bringing it out into the world. We’ve talked previously about your legacy. And part of your legacy is showing up as your authentic self. This is so important.

I would hate to have one of my friends die and then realize who they really were, that they didn’t feel that they could show the world who they really were. We are given one life and we get to show the world what’s important to us, who’s important to us and how we want to be in this world. So, I mentioned this concept of the late onset lesbianism or the late bloomer, and you get to be a late bloomer in whatever is important to you.

I have to say as a sex coach, I have coached several people around sexual orientation as well. Now, sexual orientation is who you are attracted to. Gender and gender expression is about who and how you want to show up in this world around your gender. Now, those get to be different things and people need to understand that they’re definitely different.

So, when we’re talking about sexual orientation, I definitely have coached quite a few women around sexual orientation, be it that they have always been a lesbian or always attracted to women. But because of their religious context or how they were raised, they didn’t feel that they could do that.

Or some of the it’s just that it’s something that’s coming out later for them and they hadn’t really thought about it. And then they realized, oh my goodness, I am attracted to such and such. And this is a new concept, a new idea to them, one that they had never thought that they would encounter in their life and they’re wondering what to do with it. Now, who you are and how you show up in terms of your sexual orientation and then what you choose to do about it, is definitely 100% up to you.

But I think the important thing is to be in alignment with who you are and to accept who you are. That’s the important aspect of it, because if you don’t accept who you are, then you’re living a life where you’re not in alignment with yourself, where you are possibly condemning yourself. That’s a hard place to be and that’s not necessarily where we need to be. So, when we are celebrating Pride Month, we’re also celebrating an acceptance of ourselves from ourselves, about ourselves and being in this world as ourselves.

So, the Pride Month is definitely a celebration of your sexual orientation, whatever it is. And it’s also really just a celebration of accepting who you are, accepting your thoughts and your beliefs. And showing up in this world as the person that you want to be and what you want to be known for. Some people choose hate. Some people choose that’s what they want to be known for. That’s pretty sad. Some people choose acceptance. Some people choose love.

Some people choose to be an ally, to be there as other people come out. Some people choose to celebrate the diversity in life, the diversity of sexual orientation and to recognize that whatever sexual orientation somebody chooses, they are a person, they are an individual, and they are meant to be celebrated. So, there’s so much in this world that comes up for us around sexual orientation.

But I think something that’s really important to understand is this concept of acceptance because once we accept ourselves, then we get to focus on our legacy and how we want to show up in this world and how we want people to remember us and what we want to do. So, I think sexual orientation is an important aspect. Pride is an important aspect. And along those lines showing up authentically as you is something that’s very important.

So, when the traditional concepts of the hierophant were originally around spiritual authority, tradition, conformity, religious guidance. There’s a newer concept now which is around being inclusive and progressive in our understanding of spirituality and sexuality. And I’m also going to take a second to look at my favorite deck, which would be the Chris-Anne deck and the Light Seer’s Tarot deck. And they like to look at and think about the hierophant in this way.

The hierophant represents powerful lessons, a spiritual leader or a guide, a time to have faith, enlightenment, awakening. I love this concept of awakening, awakening to our true selves. Diamonds, who are you truly? How do you want to show up in this world? Also represents being in service of the spirit, finding your own path. I think that this is so important and relevant as we celebrate Pride Month, finding your own path, an awakened soul.

I’d have to say also an enlightened soul, but awakened soul to who you are, who you truly are, what is important to you. It’s also about transformation and transcendence and new paradigms. Paradigms are structures, things that we set up in our mind in terms of the way things should be or have been. But you get new paradigms, if you are going to wipe it all away and this is something that I think is a theme that comes through a lot when I’m talking to women in midlife, that you get to wipe away all the bullshit that has been in your life up to now that does not feel like you.

Maybe that’s it, get back to the essence of who you are. Diamonds, who are you? I can tell you that I call you a Diamond because you are amazing and also because you are unique. And so, when I say get back to you, I really mean get back to who you are. Throw out all your beliefs and sit down and evaluate them or maybe just list them all down, the important beliefs for you. Sit there, evaluate it and decide if those still are your values, if those are still important to you. And ask yourself which ones do you want to keep?

Which thoughts and beliefs are serving you, or will serve you towards what you want in your life? Those are the thoughts and beliefs that you get to keep. And you also get to give yourself permission for antiquated beliefs and ideas that are no longer serving you, so that gets to be your choice. So specifically, if we’re talking about sexual orientation, you get to choose who you are. This is Pride Month, you get to choose your sexual orientation.

And you get to celebrate whatever that sexual orientation is, be it heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, bisexual, asexual, all the different concepts and ideas around sexual orientation, demisexual. You get to embrace that. I’ve coached people that are demisexual or asexual as well. And that gets to be just as good as heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual or whatever. We get to choose what sexual orientation we are, pansexual, queer, straight, whatever. That’s just one part of who we are but we also get to be true to ourselves.

And so, when we’re celebrating the month of June, Pride Month, it’s also about having pride in ourselves. Yes, it’s about having pride in our sexual orientation. But I really think it’s about celebrating and having pride and showing up as our authentic self. Overall, showing up as who we are and evaluating what beliefs do we want to carry with us, what do we want to let go of?

As I say, we’re in the second part of our life and we get to make this a good life, a great life, an amazing life. And it requires us to be authentic. And it requires us sometimes, if not all the time, to find your own path to, I’d say 100% at the time, find your path and be okay with your path. You get to be an awakened soul. You get to be in alignment with who you are. You get to transform and transcend by looking at your thoughts and belief system and deciding on what you want to keep and what you’re ready to release.

Who do you want to be, Diamonds? Give yourself permission 100%, if you need to release people pleasing in this month, release it. If you need to release gossip, release it. If you need to release poor body image and not loving your body and yourself, then release that. This month of Pride gets to be about sexual orientation and so much more. It gets to be about allowance and acceptance and authenticity and celebrating you. You get to be the leader in your life.

Okay, Diamonds, as we begin the month of June, I’m celebrating with you in Pride Month. I’m asking you, who do you want to be and what do you want to believe? And if you need it, I’m giving you permission to become that authentic self so you can have pride in yourself and celebrate this month. Whoever you are, I hope this message has helped you step into Pride Month. Alright, Diamonds, I love you. Dr. Sonia out.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.

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Sonia Wright MD

Hi, I’m Dr. Sonia Wright and I’m YOUR SEX COACH! I’m on a mission to end the pain and isolation associated with sexual difficulties and to help women create satisfying sex lives.

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