You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, episode 174.
Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, long time no speak here, talk, whatever you want to call it. I have been on sabbatical and it’s good to be back. It’s good to be connecting with you and it’s good to be just hanging with you. As usual, I’m in my little studio downstairs, just me and the kids thumping above. It’s almost like they know when I’m going to record a podcast and then they just decide that they’re going to thump across the floor above my head but that’s okay. That’s the life of being a parent and having kids and it’s joyful and it’s crazy.
So Happy New Year, it’s so good to be here in the beginning of the new year with you. Now, I’m recording this right before I go on break for the holiday. But I know this is going to air in the new year, so I want to be one of the first to say Happy New Year to you. Thank you for being with me and a loyal Diamond for all this period of time. We’ve gone through a lot of different changes. And I’d say definitely one of the biggest changes is the sabbatical that I had at the end of last year, which was so very necessary.
Many of you know that we added another child to our family. We adopted a 15 year old, she’s now 16. She just had her sweet 16 and that was back in December and it was really a wonderful time. But I have to say, there’s been a lot of adjustments to the family on both sides, because she had to come into a new family at 16 and learn a lot of new things. She moved to Minnesota from Florida. So you can imagine, just the temperature change is enough but then she became part of our crazy family which is a wonderful family and also a crazy family.
So she’s been learning a lot. We’ve been learning a lot. We’ve been growing and there’s been a lot of good times and there’s been some tough times. Definitely there’s been some tough times. Would I do it again? 100%, oh, my goodness, I love my newest child. She’s amazing and wonderful and just a blessing in our lives. And at the same time, there’s definitely been challenges there.
And with stress and a lot of change, it can affect sexuality and hey, the sex coach had her sexuality, her libido affected, which is never, I think, never a major thing. Because we need to understand that our libido is always shifting and changing and some of it’s internal. Some of it has to do with our hormones. A lot of it has to do with what’s going on in our lives. So when stress is up, these things happen where our libido goes down. Yes, the sex coach had low libido. It doesn’t shock me.
I’ve had libido that’s been up and down and up and down and all around and I’m postmenopausal. A lot of things have happened. So I tend to take this in stride. And it’s kind of a message that I want to share with you just in general. I think I’ve learned a lot in this sabbatical as we focused on our family. And I think one of the major things that I’ve learned is just to take things in stride, not to get as worked up as I used to previously. And just understand that I have a belief system and a higher power. So the higher power is in control and it will sort itself out in the end.
And it’s kind of like that with libido, it will sort itself out in the end. And if it’s different than it was before, that’s not necessarily good or bad, that’s just different. And we kind of adjust to any changes that we’re having in our libido. We just say, “This is going on.” And I’m laughing because my partner, Dr. Kimmery at one point was like, “You need to go and talk to your libido about what’s going on.” And I imagined having a conversation and you know how I love having conversations.
So it’s having a conversation with my libido, so let’s do it. Hey, libido, how are you doing? Mid, yeah, kind of there, kind of not there. Oh, what do you think’s been causing that? You know, dynamics, changes in the family, changes in hormones, changes in life, turning 57. There’s a lot of things that goes into this time in our life in midlife. Yeah, so what do you want to do about this? I don’t really want to do anything. I just want to sit around and not do much when it comes to my libido. Okay, you get that choice, libido.
But as I always say to my Diamonds, what you choose now affects the future. So you can choose that you don’t want to do anything about it and lord only knows you have a lot of things on your plate so maybe now is not the best time. But we always have to recognize what’s happening now is going to affect our libido in the long run and our sexual intimacy in the long run. And if your partner is saying, “Hey, check on this.” Then it’s probably a good idea to check on it at least.
So that’s why I’m checking in with you, just checking to see how things are going, libido. Do you think you might be coming back anytime soon? No, I’m not quite sure. You know, I’m really good. I feel like I’m out in Acapulco, just kind of resting and relaxing, under the sun, getting a nice tan. Just having a margherita or just some juicy beverage, just enjoying life. I don’t really want to come back to tell you the truth. I’m on vacation. Okay, libido’s on vacation. Alright, I can trust that. I can accept that. I can hear you when you say you need a break because I have been on sabbatical as well.
So it’s interesting that my sabbatical break kind of aligns with my libido break. And you get to have a break, libido. You’ve been working hard. You’ve been improving yourself over the years. And you’ve had to deal with some tough situations. And you’ve had to rediscover yourself. There’s a lot that you have done and changed over the last 20 years. So it’s okay, if you want to take a break, take a break. Do you have any idea when you might want to come back from this break? No, I’m not really sure. Well, I’d kind of like it if you did come back at some point in time.
What do you think I could do to help you come back? How can I make it worth your while, as they say? How can I make it such that you want to come back to Minnesota, instead of staying out in Acapulco or wherever it’s warm and sunny and great, what would it take to come home? Oh, you need me to pay a little bit more attention to you. You need to engage in self-care. You need me to appreciate and love my body. You need me to not pressure you. You need me to not judge you and to not judge the body.
That’s a lot of things on this list, libido. Couldn’t you just come back? No, I’m not coming back if you’re not going to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Alright, so I’m hearing self-care, what would that look like? Well, you’ve done the sabbatical. That’s good. But you need to continue on that journey. Okay, alright, what else? Time with myself, time to know who I am as your libido. That would be something that’s important because we’re always changing and growing. Who am I as 57 year old Sonia’s libido, not 20 something year old Sonia’s libido?
Who am I? Get to take that time and to realize what it’s all about. Okay, libido, I hear you. So you need time. I don’t know if you need to reinvent yourself or just be able to process and identify who you are. You need to be appreciated in mind, body and spirit, as they say. Okay, alright, as we go into the 57th year of life, I hear you. I hear you. There needs to be an appreciation for my libido that’s lasted this long, shifts and turns and is still here. And it may not look exactly the same.
And maybe that more responsive libido, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Oh, I hear you, you don’t want to be insulted anymore. You don’t want to be compared to stuff on TV and things like that. Okay, alright, well, it’s kind of nice having a conversation with you and realizing that I do want you in my life and I don’t want you off on vacation in Acapulco forever. So it sounds like I need to cultivate you, cultivate the garden, cultivate the connection with myself and with you and not take you for granted is basically what I’m hearing.
Okay, so as we start this new year, it seems like it’s a new relationship with my libido that’s also starting. And I suggest to you, Diamonds, that you may also want to investigate a new relationship with your libido, whatever age your libido is at, at this point in time. So we’ve established that we need to work on the relationship with the libido this year, that that might be something.
While I was on my sabbatical, I also realized that I wanted more of a spiritual connection. I do believe in a higher power. I do believe in ancestors and spirits. I don’t know if you’d call it that, but other influences that really affect our lives in the here and now. So I think that’s something I’d also like to explore this next year with you is around the spiritual side of things. It’s interesting because sexuality is very much tied into creativity, which is very much tied into spirituality. It’s kind of something that flows from one to another.
So I think we’re going to be doing more of that interconnection. I do tend to be more on the logical side and tend to spend a lot of my time up in my logical mind. But at the same time, this sabbatical has taught me that my spirit is equally as important and the spiritual side of things is equally important. And so I’d like to tap into that more and explore that more this year.
So, new relationship with libido, new connection, spiritual connections, that interconnection between spirit and libido, sexuality and creativity. That seems like something we’d like to explore this year and that I’m going to process and explore. I also learned that downtime is important and as much as I missed all of you, Diamonds, I also realized that it was good not to have to be on such a set schedule.
And so I think I’m going to continue that and instead of doing podcasts every single week, it may work out that it’s every single week but I think I’ll focus more on series. And putting together certain topics and doing mini-series topics for short periods of time. And then maybe taking a break and then doing another short series. So I think that is what I’m also going to do. And you are my Diamonds, I want to hear from you. So let me know what it is that you would like as we are growing and expanding.
We are, let’s see, I started this podcast in 2020 and yeah, we’re definitely in our third year now. And so what do you want? How would you like to see this grow? This is a new year, a new you, a new podcast in some ways. And this is making sure that my Diamonds get what they need and also making sure that there’s room for me to grow as well.
Obviously I’m going to have Dr. Kimmery on and Coach Donna on and Coach Lisa as well because they always contribute something and they’re part of my team. Probably the way I’m going to be doing it is that in terms of programs, I think I’ll be doing intensives with Lisa and Donna will be helping out as well. So we’ll be doing intensives for Own Your Sexuality Now.
So instead of doing a 12 week program, we would be doing an intensive, which is usually 10 to 14 hours over a weekend where we really talk about the subjects. And really spend time together and get to grow and bond and really do some in-depth work around our sex and sexuality. So instead of stringing it out over 12 weeks, it’ll be over a weekend. And there’ll be opportunities to do it more than once if you would like.
I think having flexibility as I am navigating, growing and expanding my family and being there for all of my children. I mean, my 24 year old, he’s out of the house, but he still needs his mom, he still needs to talk. And my 16 year old, there’s so much that she’s learning about being a woman in this world and I want to be there for her. My 12 year old is just trying to figure out life. And my 11 year old, he’s got lots of things going on, so these children are juggling things.
So part of this 2024 obviously is to be there for my partner and my relationship and keep that going well. To be there for my children and also to be there for myself. And so I ask you, Diamonds, as we enter 2024, what is it about for you? What would you like to commit to? What would you like to focus on? What would you like and how can I serve you?
Well, Diamonds, it’s so good to be back. It’s so good to see you. It’s so good to have New Year’s conversations and sabbatical musings and to step into the next phase of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™. And thank you for being along for this journey. Alright, short and sweet. I love you so much. Dr. Sonia out.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.