You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, episode 178.
Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.
Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, how are you doing today? Yes, early in the morning, myself, studio, you, love, discussions about midlife and sex. It’s all happening today. And of course I have a cold. I hope you all are doing well. I’m enjoying life up in Minnesota.
It was in the 50s yesterday and I love when we do this drastic weather change because all the kids come out. And they’re running around in their shorts, once it hits the 40s if we’ve been in the, well, usually in the past, it would be below zero. And then we get a sunny day and it gets up to 30 or 40. And the kids are running around in shorts, because we just went up 50/60 degree points. And so yesterday we went, I don’t know, this winter has been really lovely. There’s absolutely nothing to complain about.
Yesterday we hit the 50s, which for us in the middle of January, wow. That’s not really conceivable in Minnesota to be in the 50s in the middle of January. You know something has happened with global warming if that’s the case. But in any case, the kids were running around the neighborhood in their shorts. And they were just so happy, happy to be out and alive and living life to the fullest and I just appreciated that.
And I just wanted to share that with my Diamonds about living life to the fullest. So we are on the second series of 2024, where we’re kind of using the tarot cards as a means for discussion. And today we’re going to be discussing the magician. My plan with these short series is to have an introductory concept that I talk about.
And then I talked with Coach Lisa and then I also talked with Dr. Kimmery when it comes to relationships and coach Lisa, just in terms of women, midlife and just she’s just a wealth of knowledge. She just knows everything, especially when it comes to tarot cards and such. So I really enjoy talking to her. But as I say, I’m using the tarot cards as a way to introduce a concept. So it’s not as much the focus on the tarot card as it is on the concept behind the card. And it’s just something that I used for organization and because I love the concepts that it introduces.
So today we’re going to be talking about the magician, which is the second card in the major arcana, and manifestation. In some ways, as soon as you hear the word manifestation, people start to groan. They’re like, “Oh, here we go again. Just believe, just think and it will happen.” It’s not exactly like that. So let’s get into it.
So the magician is the manifester, the connection between dreams and reality. I kind of think of it as the conduit. You are the magician. You are the conduit in your life. Anything that has happened in your life of major consequence that you’ve been involved in, you once had a thought about it, and then it became a reality. So you once maybe had a goal, you wanted to graduate from college or high school, or go on to become a doctor, maybe a radiologist, a pediatric radiologist. That being the case, there is a concept in your mind, a concept in my mind at some point.
And actually, I’ll bring you back a little ways because I started medical school 10 years later than most people at the time, and this was, I started medical school in 1998. Yes, it was still in the 20th century when I started medical school. But at that time I was 32 years old. I was the second or third oldest student in my class out of 150 something students. Starting medical school at 32 was not really something that people did at that period of time.
I had to go from a point where it was something that was not believable, something that could not happen to a place where it’s something that’s believable. And then I took the action steps I needed to take in order to make it a reality. And I distinctly remember because I had completed my undergraduate back in 1988 and I needed my prerequisites for medical school, which I did not have. And if I had any of them, they were 10 years old. But I had to do chemistry, organic chemistry, physics, biology. Those were the core that you had to do. That was not my background, to say the least.
But I remember thinking about, at one point I was thinking about becoming a physical therapist. And then I realized that the prerequisites for physical therapy school were similar to those of medical school. And I happened to say it out loud in front of my husband at the time, “Edward, wow, these are the same prerequisites.” And he said, “You would make a great doctor.” And just that one sentence, it planted a seed in my mind that I kept and I nurtured and first I kept it to myself. But then I discussed it more and more with Edward and then with a few trusted friends.
And then I took the first step and I went to community college, I went to City College. I think of San Francisco because I was living in San Francisco at the time. And I think I took some introductory basic courses, what is your goal in life or something like that. And I also wanted to learn Spanish. So I think I was taking some Spanish classes. And I might have taken the physics class over the summer, but I ended up taking it. And at some point I was like, “Well, you’ve got to get off the fence and decide what you’re going to do.”
And so I went back to school at San Francisco State University, sending love to San Francisco State University because they nurtured me. It was a place where I could really become who I am and gain my confidence. And I took all my prerequisites. I also met some of my favorite people there. One of my best friends, JoJo, I met there in line when we were registering in 1994 and we’re still friends now. So a shout out to JoJo, I love you. So a lot happened, but it started with a thought.
And that’s about the magician or the manifesters, you start with a thought and then you take those steps to make it a reality. And so then I went on from there and I ended up starting a number of organizations while I was there for pre-med students and doing research while I was there. A lot changed in my life but it started with a thought. And that thought was back in what, 94 or 93. And then in 95, I finished all my prerequisites and I applied to medical school and I was accepted at the top medical school in the state of California and one of the top medical schools in the country, the University of California, San Francisco.
And I was blessed to go there and to learn quite a bit and to become the doctor and the radiologist that I am now. So it’s amazing how one thought and it can take a while from that one thought to get to the manifesting stage and to go beyond. But you still have to do it, you are the conduit, you have a thought and then there’s the reality and you have to bring it into a reality. So that, I digressed quite a bit from where I was going to be starting on all of this. Let me get back to where I wanted to go with this.
But I just wanted to share with you that there’s a dream, there’s a thought, there’s the action, and then there’s the new reality. And I know why I started this, because at the time that I was making that decision, I was 32 years old. My eggs weren’t getting any younger. And I made a goal that I want to be a doctor and a mother on the other side. And when I was deciding, should I go back to school, which was not, well, it definitely wasn’t done that much back then.
I remember thinking, by the time I finish my residency, my training, medical school, everything, I’m going to be 40 years old. And in my mind at 26 or whatever, 40 seems pretty old. But I thought to myself, you could be 40 with an MD degree, or you could just be 40 with a lot of regrets. And so whatever you’re thinking about and dreaming about now, realize that even if it’s going to take you years to manifest it, maybe you’ll be 50, maybe you’ll be 60, maybe you’ll be 70.
You can be 70 with your dreams fulfilled because you took action and did what needed to be done or you could be 70 with regrets. So please, please take that into consideration whenever you’re thinking about your dreams and your mind tells you that it’s impossible.
Okay, getting back to what we were talking about, the magician. The magician is the manifester. And I want to talk to you about the magician because each one of you has a magician inside of you. There is that doer, there is that thing that will take it from the unknown to the known. Each one of us has that potential. And if you come from a faith base or a spiritual base or I come from more of a spiritual, I’m Christian but I come from more of a spiritual bent to it. And I think the universe is there.
If you are willing to do the work the universe is going to be there to allow opportunities to come your way and things to happen. So the manifester, I think of as the conduit, the magician and the connection between dreams and reality. If you look at a tarot card of the magician, there’s an infinity sign above the magician’s head, which represents infinite possibilities. And for all of you women listening to this and my Diamond men as well, and Diamond non-binary individuals, the seed of possibility and infinite possibility is within you.
Anything that you can believe, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill, anything that you can believe you can conceive, you can make a reality, that kind of concept. So they have the infinity symbol over the magician’s head, which represents infinite possibilities and the ability to create from the unknown, from the mind. The ability to bring forth your dreams and make them reality. I had a dream. I had a dream to be a doctor. I had a dream to be a mother.
I had a dream to be a sexual being because at one point I had gone from one relationship to another and they were kind of sexless relationships. I had a dream to fulfill who I was as a human being with a basic right for sexual intimacy. We get to have that choice. We get to think and decide what we want. So you’re being told there’s infinite possibility, that everything is possible. You might decide you don’t want to do it, it’s possible that I can play basketball, but at 4 foot 11 and 57 years old, that’s not my top choice. And that’s okay. I get to have a choice in this matter.
But you have the ability and the possibility is there to create exactly what you want in this world. So what do you want to create? It’s very interesting, Diamonds, what do you want to create? And I really want to emphasize that your life is really just beginning. Midlife I think is the best time for women because we actually get to focus on ourselves. And we actually get to say what is it we want to create and we can start thinking what it is we want for our legacy to be. And that might be part of what you ask when you’re thinking, what is it that I want here?
So I’ve been on this spiritual journey because I think that it’s good to downregulate my nervous system. And I think that meditation and relaxation is something that I have not pursued in the past and something I think that’s very important for my health and possibly for your health as well.
So I decided that I was going to go on a shamanistic journey, which is basically I use music which has these drum beats in it. And it kind of shifts your brain and kind of downregulates it. I think something about theta waves. I have to read more about it. But basically it’s a way of meditating and journeying, of relaxing, of connecting to the spirit world without using any substances or anything like that. It’s just the drumming that kind of shifts your perspective and it relaxes you and gets you into the zone.
And so I’ve been trying this shamanistic journeying and basically meditating to this drumming music. And it’s very relaxing. And while I was in this state, I had kind of this, I don’t know if you’d say vision, but something that I thought was really interesting. And I saw before me, innumerable gates just floating, maybe four or five feet above, everywhere you looked with your eyes closed with this meditation, there were gates. Just the gates, not the fence, but just so many gates everywhere.
And my spirit guide was saying that as many gates as I could see were as many possibilities that they’re out there. And whatever gate you choose to go down will lead to a different path. So there’s infinite possibility as to what you choose to do. But you get that choice and you can choose to go down a certain path and that will lead to a certain experience, a different experience compared to going down another path. So just if you can envision that, there’s infinite possibility, as many gates as that are out there, you could just swing through and see where it’s going to lead to.
So you have the ability at one moment to create a different path, a different way, a different choice. So if your reality as it is right now is not what you want it to be, you could choose a different path. But it’s important to understand that there’s the choice aspect of it. If you sit in a place where you’re not making a choice and you’re not making a decision, then you are in fact making a decision. I want that to be very clear to my Diamonds. Not making a decision is in fact making a decision. It’s a decision to just stay where you are.
Things may actually get worse. In the Parable of the Talents, one of the people that were given the talents decided to dig a hole and stick the talents in the hole and cover it up. Because they were afraid of making a choice, afraid of investing and afraid of choosing for themselves and afraid of loss. And so they didn’t lose the talents, they didn’t lose the coins, but they also didn’t gain experience. They did not gain knowledge. They did not choose to use their choice and make a different life for themselves.
And so that’s the same for us, Diamonds. If you choose to sit in a situation, maybe you’re in a sexless marriage and you’re thinking somehow it’s going to change, but I’m not going to do anything to change it. Or I would love this to change, but I don’t know what to do, nothing’s going to work. If you make those types of thoughts and decisions ahead of time, that’s burying your talent in the sand. Nothing is going to happen.
But maybe you bury something in the sand that’s of value, and then some critter comes and chews it up or something. So things can be destroyed even if we’re not taking any chances, even if we’re not doing anything. It doesn’t mean that things are staying the same. It just means the odds are, people are not discussing things and there’s less of a chance for the situation to improve. So whatever it is that you would like to change, recognize it’s okay to be afraid and you still make the decision and go and lead your life.
All I can say, of everything that I’ve learned in this life so far is make the hard choices, step out and do what needs to be done. So the magician takes the initial potential, the new beginnings that we talked about with the fool. And adds in will and determination to create something more, that moves from the unseen to the seen, from the imagined to the reality. The key part to understand here is the concept of what is imagined can become your reality. What is believed can become material and real.
So, Diamonds about 20 minutes into this podcast, what is it that you want? What is it that you want in your life in general? What is it that you want in your sex life around sexual intimacy? What is it that you want in your concept of self? What is it that you want? What is it that you’d like to change? That’s the first question that we have to ask. Yes, we get the new beginnings, we get to start again, but then we have to make some choices and do something.
What is it that you’re dreaming about? What is it that you may have dreamed about in the past and maybe think it’s too late for you because you’re in midlife? Let me tell you, it’s not too late. I am the ultimate late person in so many different ways. I started med school late. I had my first child at 32. I adopted my second child at 45. I have a bonus child with a new marriage at 55. And my newest baby has come into my life at 57. I’m going to be parenting till I’m 100 and I’m really happy.
We don’t need to listen to anybody that tells us that there’s a certain order to this and that there’s a certain age that you can’t do whatever it is. You can go back to school right now and choose a different career. The fallacy, this concept that we have to retire at 65, it’s ridiculous. What other countries are people choosing that they have to retire and suddenly go out and garden? If you like to garden, garden now. If you want to retire and travel the world, go ahead. But also realize that this is not mandatory, not something that we have to do.
Very often we get this concept that if we’re retiring, that we can’t do anything new, but it’s just the beginning. And for our generation, because we’re lucky enough to have the boomers ahead of us, we’re really seeing that age is really just a number. And we can do whatever it is that we want to do. So if there’s something you want to do then go ahead and do it. But first come up with a concept. And what would you like to create in your life sexually?
We have been talking about new beginnings and new dreams. What would you like to make a new beginning in your sexual life? This is the manifesting stream and you get to go in it. Whatever you wish to manifest must first be created in your mind and then brought into reality. So this is why we’re focusing on your mind and your beliefs and what’s blocking those beliefs and shifting to creativity and dreaming. But then it’s time to bring it forth, to go beyond the dreaming stage. And it’s time to take action. And this is very often the part that we get stuck in the dreams and we don’t take action.
So 2024 is here. It’s time to take action. Don’t let another minute of your life pass by without reaching out and grabbing for what it is that you want. There’s probably some choices that you’re going to need to make and they may be difficult choices. Are there difficult choices that you have been putting off? This is a question. Are there things that you wish would go away so you wouldn’t really have to deal with it? If there are, then the time has come, the time has come to actually make a decision and decide, get off the pot and do something here.
The magician is all about manifesting. And I think as we start in 2024, a number of us may be jaded when we hear the word manifest, we’re like, “I don’t want to manifest anything anymore. It’s been a hard couple of years. I’m really not in the world of manifesting.” If you’re not in the world of manifesting, then you’re in the world of stagnation because life is meant to be about creativity.
Of course, I come from a spiritual background that has a belief that we chose to come down here to learn. And sometimes the lessons are not easy, but we chose to take a human form to learn and to grow and to learn the lessons that we needed to learn, our spirit needs to learn. We can’t learn those lessons if we do not step into whatever problem is there. Knowing from a place of faith in ourselves that we can handle it, whatever happens, we can sort it out.
But a key part of manifesting is to take the action, to say yes to your dreams and then step out and do it. And in order to manifest whatever it is that we want in our life, it’s time for us to take chances. You have to be committed. You have to be willing to do the hard work. And I think that’s not emphasized as much as the hard work. And we don’t necessarily have to be afraid of hard work. We just know that it’s part of it. It’s kind of the price we pay. There’s effort, action, determination, commitment, hard work and a continued belief.
And now that we will probably get to that place that one of my mentors, Brooke Castillo says, which is, “Get to the messy middle.” You’re going to get to that place where this isn’t going to seem like a good idea. You’re halfway there, it’s kind of mucky, you’ve got work to do. And you’ll be like, “Why did I even start down this journey?” But just keep going and remember, every other time that it’s been difficult and you’ve been stuck in the middle and you kept going and persevering.
I think that perseverance is the best talent, the best gift that you can have and just keep going and you will get to the other side. Now, before we end, just a quick note on reverse. Now, there’s the positive aspect of the magician. And then there is the negative aspect where you’re kind of blocked. Now, if you look at the tarot card, it says magician in reverse is a trickster, or you’re being misled by a charming manipulator.
But I prefer the other concept, which is basically continuously dreaming without the manifesting component, it’s thoughts without substance, without action. And it could be a creative block or being in denial of some kind or being delayed of some kind. That’s how I like to look at the reverse of the magician. And so if we’re unable to take our dreams into reality, we’re unable to take that next step, the concept that it could be possible.
If we continuously daydream, but don’t go to that next point, if we don’t take the action and don’t take the manifestation aspect of it into consideration, then we get to this place of stagnation, frustration, anger at ourselves. And so that’s kind of the beauty and the power of the magician kind of shifted around because we’re not utilizing what we’ve been given.
Okay, Diamonds, that is enough for today. We’ve been talking about manifesting. Manifesting what we want in our lives. Manifesting what we want in the sexual intimacy of our lives. Thinking about our legacy for the future. Taking our dreams into reality. So what are your dreams? What would you like to manifest this year? And do not be afraid of manifestation. Okay, love you lots, Diamonds. Doctor, Sonia out.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.