Ep #53: Having Dr. Sonia as Your Mom: Interview with My Son Julien

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast, episode 53.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, Diamonds. Today you are in for an incredible treat. So, as we start the new year on this podcast, I thought to myself what would be something to give you, kind of like a bonus podcast episode, something that would be fun and different. And actually, I don’t really know if it’s going to be about sex or not. But what it is going to be about is interviewing my favorite man in the world, which happens to be my son.

Julian: I’m biased.

Sonia: He’s the best thing ever. And his name is Jules or Julian. And I know that some of you know about him. And that I have spoken about him in the past. So, actually it’s the day before his birthday, he’s actually visiting from out of town from college. He goes back to Stamford to finish up his master’s degree by the end of this year. And so, I was just like I think my Diamonds would love to know what it’s like to have Dr. Sonia as your mom or a mom and all the craziness that might be involved with that.

And so, I’m giving him free rein to say whatever it is that he wants to about me being his mom. And we’re just going to have a conversation because I think that this is really what life is about, is having these conversations and just sharing experiences. So, for all my Diamonds, I just wanted to give you something a little bit different than usual. And so, this is my son, Julian and we’ll just be having a conversation. Hey, Jules, thanks for coming on the podcast.

Julian: Hi, mom, thank you for inviting me.

Sonia: You kind of passed by and I was like, “Hey, do you want to come on the podcast?”

Julian: And that’s a story in itself. I came down here just after a meeting and I was like, “Oh, mom, how are you doing?” And then she’s like, “Oh, I’m doing well. I just had this meeting and look at all these sex toys I have. This one has great clitoral stimulation. This one’s great for penetration. This one’s great for anal.” Make sure you have a wide base for anything you use for anal though, that’s important because it just sucks it right in, right, mom?

Sonia: Yeah, just sucks it in. And then as a radiologist we have to look at these x-rays and be like, “Why the hell did they put that up their ass?” Oops, excuse my language. So, if it has a wide base, it will be safe. And of course, I love my son and anybody that I love I want them, just like I love you, Diamonds. I want him to have pleasure. And of course, whoever his partner is, for them to have pleasure as well.

So, I mean as a mom I’m totally into making sure that there’s certain things that are happening, which is that my son and his partner are having enjoyable sex and fun. So that of course is something that concerns me and yeah. So, he asked, and well, this is just in talking to my son all about the sex toys but why not? Because there may be a young lady in his life that will thank me later for this information.

Julian: I don’t know if I’ll give them your name as a reference. But I do thank my mom for always being open and talking about sex with me and educating me on it. I know that’s not something that every parent does, so I’m thankful about that. And I’m also thankful for her for also just initiating a lot of the conversations too. I’ll admit even in the – even though it wasn’t something I asked for I actually learned a lot.

Sonia: I know, it kind of wasn’t consent involved in this. And of course, now I’m speaking to consents, but at the time I’d be like, “Hey, I think we should talk about.” You’re like, “I’m good, mom, I’m good.” And I’m like, “Well, let’s just talk about.” And then I’d pull up a picture of the woman’s vulva. And I’m like, “No son of mine is going off to college and not knowing what all the parts are and where they are.” And he’s like, “Please, mom, no.” And I’d be like, “It only takes a second. This is the clitoris.”

Julian: I swear, this was in the kitchen too. I was just trying to make some eggs, it’s not a euphemism, I was just trying to cook some eggs. And there she is with Google images.

Sonia: Well, I wanted to make sure, you want to make sure. When the thought comes that, well, okay, of course I also talk about it’s better to ask for consent and to say, “Is this an appropriate time and place?” So, I’m learning. But at that time, I was just like, “I need to get this, I need to get this out. I need to talk to him about things.”

Julian: Yeah, but it is something important too because even though I think I have been lucky enough to have relatively comprehensive sex education, they still don’t go into what does your partner want, focus on different ways to just pleasure each other and maybe some more exploratory ways to do that. They focus more on STDs, pregnancy prevention.

Sonia: Yeah, like to scare the heck out of you.

Julian: Yeah. And I think that casts a pretty negative cloud over sex when it isn’t something that needs to have that negative thought over it. It can be something that’s pleasureful and enjoyable. And I think maybe we should focus more on that.

Sonia: Yeah, definitely. That’s what I like to focus on. And so, it’s kind of fun. And seriously, Diamonds, I did not prompt him. I don’t have little cards here saying, “Talk about pleasure.” This is all Jules. So, I’m happy that we’re talking about sex. But I didn’t know if we would end up talking about sex or not. But in general, let me see. When you think of me as your mom, what are the first thoughts that come to your mind?

Julian: Loving, caring, kind, entertaining.

Sonia: Yeah, your dad always said that I was cheap entertainment.

Julian: You still are.

Sonia: Yeah. When I think of you, I’m so proud all the time. And I think you’re pretty amazing. And I always think that you are incredible and I’m incredibly lucky to have you as my child and to get to be your parent.

Julian: I might interject but I mean I think the pride goes both ways. I think definitely as I’m growing up and I’m trying to figure out what I want to do in my life, it’s great to have you as a parent who’s showing me you can have these dreams that you want to do something else, you want to change your career, you want to do something that you really enjoy more. And you see value in that, living life to the most. And I think that’s something inspirational. I think it’s something that takes a lot of bravery to do.

And I’m proud of you for going after your dreams and accomplishing this and creating your own business.

Sonia: Well, thank you. Thank you. And it’s interesting because in some ways, I’m always full of mom guilt, it’s one of those things. But when we started on this journey together, I definitely had a certain set of values. And I still do, I mean education I think is really important. But I was striving towards different milestones. And so, when I raised you, I was like, “Okay, first you get an education, then you go out to college. You continue to get an education then you go and you get a PhD or whatever.”

And then somewhere in there my value system changed to where I’m like, “You don’t have to strive all the time. You can actually enjoy life.” And we had a recent conversation where you’re like, “I’m not certain if you want to go for a PhD.” And for those of you that may not know, Jules is finishing up his bachelor’s degree and his master’s degree at Stamford University in biology. And you can tell them in what major because I can never quite get it. It used to be easy when it was marine biology but now, I don’t know what the heck it is.

Julian: I’m studying biology for both degrees. And I’m focusing on ecology and evolution. And that’s what I’m pursuing an honor’s in.

Sonia: Yeah, so that’s pretty amazing. And before I was kind of pushing him in order to finish his master’s and then go get a PhD. And now I’m just like, “Life is meant to be lived and you worked really hard and do whatever it is that you want to do.” So recently you were kind of talking to me about the fact that you didn’t know if you wanted to go for a PhD.

Julian: I’m not sure if it’s the pathway for me yet. I know there’s a lot I can do with a doctorate in this world. But I also want to explore other careers first and see if having a doctorate is what I need to have in order to make the impact I want to make.

Sonia: Yeah. And so, you started that conversation with me and I was like, “Oh, yeah, okay, sounds like a good idea.” What was your reaction to that?

Julian: Definitely a bit of a change. My mom is always – education is something that’s very valued. And education is the future in many ways. It’s an investment, I know that’s the way that you see it. And it is, it’s still the way that I see it in many ways. But you can also have a terminal degree.

Sonia: Exactly. So, things have changed and my value system has changed over the years. And I advocate different things now. If you want to continue getting an education, fine. But if you find that that’s not what you necessarily want to do then I am totally okay with that as well. I’m more about living your life and finding your purpose and what’s important to you. I want to talk a little bit about mom guilt because mom guilt is always there. And as a doctor and a radiologist where I was working nights, and days, and weekends, and 60 hours a week or more.

There’s a lot of mom guilt there, that I wasn’t necessarily at all your events. I remember you having a conversation with me about my mom guilt issues. And I thought that for all my Diamonds that may be dealing with mom guilt because I was not meant to be a stay-at-home mom.

Julian: No, she is not.

Sonia: Okay, thank you. I definitely admire women that…

Julian: She’s a go getter.

Sonia: But it doesn’t come, that go gettedness doesn’t necessarily come without some guilt feelings that I wasn’t necessarily there for all of your events. And so, what is your take on the…

Julian: I mean what I can say is, I mean of course it’s difficult to be a doctor. Of course, there are times when your pager’s going to ring and you need to go and do your job. And I know that means that there were some events that you weren’t able to make it to. But I think that’s also just what it’s like as a parent. There are some things that you can get to and other things that you can’t. But I’m still proud of you for going after your dreams of becoming a radiologist. And I know that’s been able to provide a lot for myself and our family. And ultimately, I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

Sonia: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. For those of you that don’t know the backstory is I started medical school older. I was 32 when I started medical school. And it was about the same time that my biological clock was going off. So of course, being to go getter that I was at the time, I thought, well, I’ll just do both. And my goal was to graduate from medical school and become a doctor, but also to be a mom.

So, I got pregnant during my first year of medical school and Jules didn’t want to come out. So, I actually didn’t deliver till my first week of my second year of medical school. And so, I always say that I had twins because I had a baby in one hand and a textbook in another. And so yeah, in terms of the mom guilt, it’s real because the first nine years of Jules life I was either in medical school or residency. Actually, let’s see, you were born in my second year, so that’s four years of med school and then it’s another six years of, wow, so you were 10 when I finished residency and my fellowship program.

Which was not originally the plan. The original plan was that I was going to go into medical school, come out in four years and then I was going to then become a family practice doctor. And somewhere along the way I fell in love with radiology. And family medicine is about three years, radiology is six years. So definitely longer than I originally expected. So, coming out on the other end my son was 10 years old, you were 10. And we had lived in California for med school. And then we went to Minnesota for residency. And then we went to Washington DC for a year.

And then I asked the nine-year-old where he wanted to go, or 10-year-old where he wanted to go after I finished my fellowship and he said home. And I thought home was California, but it was in fact Minnesota for him. So that’s why we live in Minnesota. But he doesn’t live in Minnesota, do you, Julian?

Julian: Well, for now.

Sonia: For the next three days. Because he went out to California to go to Stamford, and he already told me, what, the end of your freshman year that you were not coming back to Minnesota?

Julian: I love Minnesota in the spring, summer and fall, but those Californian winters…

Sonia: Which is six weeks.

Julian: Seven, have some slack.

Sonia: But as you can tell, my son and I share a fun sense of humor, definitely. But definitely it’s been a lot of fun being his parent, some fun memories along the way as when he was three years old. He used to be very much into space. And I was in medical school at the time and I would be studying for medicine, have my textbooks in front of me. And he was really into space. And so not – he’s three years old and so he had memorized all the planets, there was nine at that time, and poor Pluto.

There was nine planets but in addition to all the planets he memorized all the moons of all the planets as well. And then he would quiz me. So, I am trying to survive medical school and then I had to be quizzed by a three-year-old about the moons of Jupiter. And I was like, “Oh, my goodness, I can’t do this.” So that was one of my favorite memories. And then by the time he was five he had memorized all the flags of all of the nations. And then I realized, okay, we’ve got something on our hands here.

And so, then it became just making sure that I could give him as many opportunities for him to explore whatever his mind wanted to explore. And he settled on marine biology for a long time. And then now it’s expanded to ecology and evolution.

Julian: Yeah, I’d say right now it’s mostly bird life or oncology.

Sonia: Yeah, which is pretty cool. And I think that it’s been fun raising a kid that’s been into birds. And fun things he would want would be binoculars or remember those rubber gloves that had the little – I don’t know what you call them, spiky things on it so you could crawl up trees and stuff like that. So, I would be calling him, going, “Where are you? You need to come home for dinner.” And he’s like, “Mom, mom, you’re disturbing the birds.” It’s a different concept than the birds and bees, between my birds and bees and Julian’s birds and bees.

But it’s definitely been a pleasure being your parent, I have to say. I’ve really had a lot of joy. And I remember when you were six years old and you taught me how to – what is this thing called here?

Julian: The trackpad.

Sonia: The trackpad on a computer, how to use that. So, there’s been many times that he has taught me things over the years. But it’s definitely always been a pleasure. And so, let’s see, is there any other questions that I have for you?

Julian: I can say similarly it’s been a pleasure to have you as my mom to guide me through this world, teach me so many things. I mean I don’t know, there’s so many wonderful memories that I think we’ve shared from – I don’t know, only just this last week seeing Shang-Chi for the first time with Jamie and trying to fit all of us on two seats in the theatre.

Sonia: We did pay for three seats but one of them was not next to us and so we were trying to cram all three of us onto one of these lounging seats, two lounging seats. We tried to get us all crammed in there together so we would have that family experience.

Julian: Yeah. I remember Jamie was quite peeved that I was taking her nachos.

Sonia: Yeah. Well, who wouldn’t be peeved that you’re taking your nachos? That was not part of the deal, sitting in the seat is not the same thing as taking the girl’s nachos. Let’s be real.

Julian: She’s my sister. I’m only here a few weeks out of the year. I’ve got take nachos.

Sonia: Another one of my favorite memories is when I was like, “I want another child.” It was after I finished fellowship and you were like, you’re just about 12. And I had been on my infertility journey. And you were like a lawyer in the back seat telling me all the reasons why you could not have a sibling at this point. You were 12 and you’re like, “My time has passed, mom.”

Julian: I wish I’d made a contract that if any of my stuff was broken it would be promptly replaced.

Sonia: Yeah, there would be many contracts with this child. I remember the contract for your – what do you call that, when you get money weekly? What is that thing called?

Julian: Allowance.

Sonia: The allowance, you came up with a contract and you made your parents sign it. And I refused to sign it so you negotiated the allowance contract. Your dad signed one contract and I negotiated a way with – I think it was Apple money or whatever it was at the time, to get out of signing. I was like, “I’m not signing a dang thing.”

Julian: I remember [inaudible] was the witness.

Sonia: Yeah, that’s when you were, what, 10, 11 years old? Yeah.

Julian: Thank you for putting up with me. Jeez, I must have been an annoying child.

Sonia: No, you were an amazing child. And as a parent it’s like how do you not squelch the amazingness in your children? How do you allow them to grow into the person they’re supposed to? But at the same time, kind of give them some boundaries and kind of tell them what might be a little [inaudible]. I was worried you were going to get beat up in school, honestly, because you always had – you had your rules and things had to be a certain way. And I was like, “Oh my goodness, this child and his rules.” But you’ve always been an amazing person.

And so, it’s always been a joy as to what exactly you were going to come up with next. So yes, and as my mother likes to say, you reap what you sow because apparently, I gave her a run for her money. So, it’s just as well that I have a child. But in such a pleasurable fun way for being a parent. So yeah, so that’s what it’s like to be your parent. And for anybody that wants to know what it’s like to have Dr. Sonia as a mom. And contra, I can be very annoying as well, because I’m a little stubborn too. And we’re very similar in that you annoy me because you’re stubborn, and so I think I annoy you.

Julian: We have these rules. And you’re talking about me having rules. You have rules too. We were talking about the light switches the other day. The two kitchen lights, they both need to be flipped up at the same time.

Sonia: At the same time, as our rules are just a little OCD, we’re not quite sure why but it gives me pleasure. So, I’m all about pleasure. There must be order to the light switches. Oh fun. So yeah, anything that you’d like to say to us Diamonds, my Diamonds, are Diamonds before you get to leave my presence?

Julian: Oh, jeez, I think even I follow you on Instagram, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Sonia: Yeah. So, do you tell your friends, this is a good question, do you tell your friends that I’m a sex coach? Or do you tell your friends I’m a radiologist? And if you’re dating somebody, do you say, “My mom’s a sex coach?” Or do you say, “My mom’s a radiologist?”

Julian: Okay. Well, I think I’ve told my girlfriends that you’re a sex coach and their parents’ a radiologist, depending on the parent.

Sonia: So, you don’t quite mention the sex coaching side of things, you say, “She’s a doctor, she’s a radiologist”, to the parents.

Julian: Well, as we become closer and as sex coaching has become, I think, your primary job I think now I just tell everyone that you’re a sex coach.

Sonia: So, what do your friends say when you say, “My mom’s a sex coach?”

Julian: I think a lot of them are like, “Oh, that’s really cool and unique.” I think a lot of them are like, “Oh yeah, so what’s it like? Is it like that Netflix show, Sex Education? Are you like the scrawny British kid?”

Sonia: Lucky for you I did a lot of this stuff after you left home, after you went off to college. Because I was kind of a life coach, I started life coaching in 2016. So, I was doing that but I didn’t add in the sexual counselling till 2019 after you had gone off to college. So, it probably wasn’t as bad as it might have been for the scrawny British guy in the Netflix show.

Julian: But I mean I’ve also told my friends your story of transitioning from becoming a doctor to a sex coach, and pursuing what you’re really interested in. And I’ve even had friends who have considered their pre-med pathways and have thought if that’s really the way that they want to go.

Sonia: Yeah, I mean I’m a 100% for anybody that wants to be a doctor. But I think that it really needs to be a special calling because it can be grueling. So, if there’s something else that you have a passion for and you’re interested in then yeah, look at that as well because life is short and you just want to make sure you’re making the right choices for you and not following somebody else’s dreams, because a lot of people became doctors because their parents were doctors, or had this dream for them to become a doctor.

And I remember when you were six years old, you’re like, “Dude.” You’re like, “Mom, let me just tell you, I’m not going to be a doctor, never, ever.” Which is fine because I didn’t want that thing for you.

Julian: I think that’s a prime time to broach the subject when you’re right in the thick of it. I don’t want you to be a doctor either, shaking the chair.

Sonia: Yeah. Seriously, another one of my favorite memories of you was when you were three years old. And you were at daycare and I was at UCSF in medical school. And so, they had a daycare on site, thank you, UCSF for having that daycare on site, that was really amazing. And you got in a fight with another kid because they said that their father was a doctor. And you were insisting that only moms could be doctors. And I thought that was the best thing in the world. You’re like, “Moms are doctors. I don’t know what your dad’s doing a doctor, he can’t be a doctor. Only moms can be doctors.”

Alright, so all my Diamonds listening, this is my episode 53, where what’s it like to see and to be Dr. Sonia and Dr. Sonia as your mom. Anything else that you’d like to add in, Jules?

Julian: I think we have covered most things but yeah, thanks for being a good mom. Thanks for letting me talk on this podcast. I was listening to the daily this morning, it’s funny being on a podcast.

Sonia: Yeah, well, thank you for choosing me as your mom. And thank you for just being an amazing kid and you’ve definitely been a blessing in my life. And I mean you’re part of how I’ve become who I am in this world. And there’s a lot that you have to learn when you become a mother. We were talking about this, how sometimes there is that flood of hormones that stops you from eating your offspring when they’re driving you insane, or something like that. So, I had to definitely learn patience, and love, and all sorts of things but it’s been an incredible experience and so thank you.

And I’m super proud of you and I think I’ll include a picture of one of your paintings that you’ve done, bird paintings. And so, look for that in the podcast notes. Yeah, Jules is just amazing. He’s a musician, he plays four types of saxophones and the piano. And any other instruments that you kind of dabble in?

Julian: No, I think those are the main ones.

Sonia: Those are the main ones and then he’s also an artist and he does some amazing, amazing paintings, and sketches, and things like that. And of course, he’s pretty smart overall and with biology as well. And yeah, so it’s just really been a pleasure. Alright, that will be the end of this podcast today. So, Diamonds, I love you and take care and we will talk again next week. Alright, Dr. Sonia out.

Julian: Thanks. Have a good one.

Diamonds, how is your sex life? No, really, how is your sex life? On a scale of one to ten how would you rate it? You know I’m all about the intimacy for women in midlife. If you rated the passion in your life as less than an eight then we need to talk, sister. I’m personally inviting you to check out my new program, Your Empowered Sexuality 30-day kick starter. I am so excited about this program. Most of you know that I have an impossible goal to positively impact the sex lives of over a million women. And I am just getting started.

Come work with me for 30 days to kick start that intimacy in your life. Let’s create that amazing, satisfying, intimacy that you deserve. Let’s face it, if you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s, you could have 30 to 50 more years of intimacy ahead of you. What do you want that intimacy to look like? Let’s get real and talk about what’s going on with your body, your libido, let’s see what we can do to kickstart this intimacy. This program is for you whether or not you have a partner.

If you are a woman who wants to enjoy all aspects of her life then this is the program for you. It finally gets to be your time. So, click on the link in the show notes or on my website at soniawrightmd.com and come join me for Your Empowered Sexuality aka YES, Your Empowered Sexuality 30-day kick starter. I cannot wait to see you Diamond, talk to you soon. Take care.