Ep #29: Herstory with Brig Johnson

The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast with Dr. Sonia Wright | Herstory with Brig JohnsonDiamonds, I’m so excited to have another one of my BFFs with me today and to celebrate Women’s History Month, we’re talking all about life, being a woman, sexuality, and what it means to make your own history – or as I prefer – herstory. Today’s guest, Brig Johnson, is a trailblazer and leads by example, and I’m so excited to welcome her to the show.

Brig Johnson is a mindset expert, life coach for high-achieving Black women, and is redefining life for women of all ages. She is leading a revolution in the way we think, so this week, we’re discussing what it’s like being an amazing woman and having freedom, and how we can make a difference in our own lives and the lives of others.

Join us this week for a valuable discussion about knowing your worth, checking in with yourself about the results you’re seeing in your life, and being sexy in your 50s and beyond. We share the importance of owning our sexuality and why whatever we want from life is all available to us.

Are you ready to stop feeling shame and guilt around your sexuality and start tapping into more pleasure? Do you want to reignite the passion that’s missing from your life? I’m here for you, Diamonds! Click here to set up a 100% safe, non-judgmental strategy call together, and let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you. I can’t wait to talk to you!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
  • What it means to make your own herstory.
  • The importance of embracing your sexuality and sensuality.
  • Why you – and only you – get to decide your beauty.
  • How to push back when people try to erase you.
  • Why the way that we feel is always on us.
  • The problem with the word ‘good’.
  • How to stop worrying about what other people think of you.
Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:
Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast, episode 29.

Female Announcer: Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Diamonds, today I have a real treat for you. I’m so excited about this. Actually I have another one of my BFFs here with me to do this podcast talk about life, about being a woman and about sexuality. I actually really love talking to my BFFs and this gives me a chance to share with all my Diamonds the fun that I have talking to my BFFs. You are going to be so excited about which BFF that I have today. Yes, I am poly BFFing it, I have more than one. I’m just that kind of woman and so we are going to be talking today about herstory.

And I still haven’t told you who my BFF is because I just like dragging this out as long as I can. But basically I want to talk to my BFF and just talk shit and have you guys listen in. We are celebrating Women’s History Month and I want to talk about making our own history or herstory, because I think we should talk about herstory during the month of March. And so what does it mean to make your own herstory or her story? It’s about being an amazing woman who’s making a difference in her own life and other people’s lives as well. It’s someone who’s a trailblazer.

And when I thought about trailblazers then it immediately came to mind who I wanted to have this conversation with. And this trailblazer is not afraid to talk about all the issues. So today I’m going to be talking to Brig Johnson about all the things. And you Diamonds are so lucky to be in on this conversation too.

So let me introduce Brig Johnson to you because I’m so excited. She is a mindset expert, right there I’m already like I need this. She is a life coach for high achieving Black women. She’s leading a revolution in the way we think, leading a revolution. Brig trained at the Life Coach School with me, we actually certified together in December of 2018. And since that time she’s been redefining life for women of all ages. And she also leads by example and that example is what I want to talk to her about today. So welcome to the podcast, Brig.

                                                                                                                   

Brig: Oh my, I think I need to put my head back together. My head just exploded a little bit. That was a great intro, thank you.

Sonia: You’re welcome. So like I said we’re celebrating Women’s History Month together. And we want to talk about her story, and our story, and women’s story and all of this stuff. So for all my listeners I want to break it down and talk to you about creating your own story, your own her story and starting right now. So, Brig I see that you’re leading a revolution in the way that women think. And I want you to just tell me some more about that. I need this revolution, help me. And I know my Diamonds need it too.

Brig: Right, yes. I just think we’ve done all types of revolutions where we’ve done the outer revolutions, trying to change systems. But this revolution I want us to look at changing us internally, why we do what we do, why we think the way we think. And that will help us show up in a way that we like, that we get to change our stories. I love the fact that you said start where you are because that’s how we make history or herstory is by starting where we are. And starting where we are, is realizing why we do the things we do is because of the way we think and feel.

And so knowing that, it’s like actually the revolution is actually thinking about the thoughts and asking is that true? Do I want to continue thinking that way? How does this make me feel? And do I like those results?

Sonia: Okay, so let me get this right. So ask yourself if it’s true. Then what do you ask yourself?

Brig: Do I want to continue thinking that way? And do I like those results?

Sonia: And because your thoughts always lead to your results, right?

Brig: Right, yeah.

Sonia: So do we like those results? So we actually get to choose our thoughts and get to choose if we want to continue to think these thoughts?

Brig: Yeah, we do. I know we think that we don’t. But there’s so many thoughts that we have that were just fed to us by our parents, by society, by our schools, by our teachers, by coworkers, policies, all of it, husbands, spouses, wives, all of it, our children. They get to decide whether or not we’re a good mom. No, I don’t think so. I think I get to decide that.

Sonia: I get to decide.

Brig: I think I like my interpretation of a good mom, not their interpretation of a good mom, yeah.

Sonia: So what do you think a woman has to go through to get to this place where she can actually define things for herself? Where she can actually look at her thoughts, look at what society says that she should be thinking and to go against that. You have led women through this process as a life coach. What do you see has to be in place for her to start questioning and to feel comfortable enough that she can look at her thoughts and decide no, this is not what I want to think anymore?

Brig: Right. Well, for the most part most of my people come to me, my clients because something in their life isn’t working. Sometimes it’s a yell. Sometimes it’s a scream. Sometimes it’s just a small whisper that they’re like, “There’s just got to be more.” And I think it’s that nudging of what else is there? Why am I not happy? What’s going on? And just curiosity, I think curiosity is the thing that they come to with more than often is a curiosity and an openness to just learn all.

I mean I can interpret this a different way, I can look at this a different way. I don’t have to look at it through those lens. I literally am forever putting a pair of glasses – I have three different pair of glasses on. Since it’s girl friend time so I’m just going to be girl friend, I forever am putting on a pair of glasses and telling people, “These are the glasses that you’re seeing life through. And of course everywhere you turn you can see that that’s the lens in which you’re looking through.” But there’s another pair of glasses. We can put a lens on, on what we see.

Sonia: I love that. We can put on another pair of glasses. I can still have the only view in the world. And the amazing thing is you can choose to take off the glasses and put on. So you don’t need permission from something external to yourself. You can choose, do I like these glasses? No, let me take them off and let me see another view. And I love how you say that it’s internal and it could be an internal whisper, or it could be a yell, or it could be something that just breaks through every once in a while.

And this is what I see with my Diamonds that come to me as well. They come to me and they’re saying, “Is this all there is? Is this all there is?” Do you notice women of a certain age or a certain life situation that gets to this point or are you seeing it all different ages?

Brig: I’m seeing it in all different ages, women in their 20s, women in their 30s, women in their 40s, women in their 50s. I think as women there’s different seasons, but we always come up against a limiting belief. And depending on how much of a whisper, yell, or scream and where we are in our openness will determine whether or not we go investigate it and investigate it outside of ourselves and maybe get outside help to help see that in a different way.

Sonia: So what type of advice do you have to the women that are just starting to hear this whisper, or this yell, this scream? So some people come to you and it’s a yell, they’re screaming but do you think it started as a whisper?

Brig: Yeah, I definitely do, definitely.

Sonia: So if it started as a whisper, what advice would you have in terms of when they just start to hear that little whisper? Because so often we’re conditioned and socialized not to listen to that intuition, not to listen to that whisper, so what do you have to say about that?

Brig: It’s understanding that how we feel is always on us, always. And I think my advice is to understand that it’s there for a reason and be curious about it. And they have a right to whatever the whisper is they have a right to happiness, to fulfillment at any, whatever stage they are. And to investigate it and find out what is, what is going on. What is it that’s creating this feeling of whatever the feeling is? And just sinking into it and exploring, just answering it. What’s going on, why am I feeling this way? Just get really curious.

Sonia: And I love that curiosity. And that’s one of my favorite feelings is to explore any situation from a place of curiosity so I love that you say that, and to listen to what’s in your heart, what’s talking to you, it’s okay.

I think that for me with the sex coaching work that I do, so often women don’t listen to that. They don’t listen to it until it’s gotten to this place where it’s an emergency, they feel like their relationship is suffering or they’re at that place where they’re like, “Is this all that there is? I’ve been waiting. I’ve been doing everything that I’m supposed to and I’m 20 years into this and now I’m still not satisfied.” It is a big yell. It’s a scream in their mind before they come to me.

But I love how you say that, you can come when it’s a whisper, you can seek out help and you can look at the situation, which leads me to another question that I have about sufficiency and being enough. And I know that you talk a lot about this. And I wanted to talk about just in general sufficiency and being enough. And then relate it a little bit more over to the sexual context. But could you just tell me a little bit more about your concept of sufficiency?

Brig: Yeah. I think that’s where it starts for me, it’s project number one is to help my clients move to sufficiency. Because I think when they realize, when we realize as women that we are whole individuals by ourselves, our value is enough by ourselves, not because of what we do, not because of how we look, not because of the size we wear, not because of a number on a scale or the amount of money in our bank.

But just because we are who we are and we don’t allow our need for companionship or our need for fulfillment or anything outside of us to take precedence over the fact that we create that sufficiency for ourselves.

Sonia: Yeah, I love that. You use the word sufficiency, and I kind of bring it into the context of worthy, like worthy enough. You don’t have to do anything, like you’re saying you don’t have to be a certain size. It’s not a number on the scale, it’s not the money in your bank account. It’s just that you are innately worthy. You’re worthy of – if I bring it around to the sexual side, you’re worthy of pleasure.

You’re worthy of asking for your needs to be met. I mean I also put it in context that you’re also responsible for meeting your own needs first. But you can also discuss what your needs are with your partner as well. But from a place of sufficiency or worthy where you’re just good and you don’t have to do anything or be anything more in order to be okay and be worthy of pleasure and enjoying life, and enjoying sex and sexuality. So when we’re talking about being enough in terms of sex and sexuality does that come up with your clients, do you bring in the sex with your clients?

Brig: No. But surprisingly it’s a side benefit of my coaching. I literally had two clients this week that said their husbands are so glad that they’re coaching with me. And I have yet to coach on sex. And so I asked one of my clients, I was like, “So what is it?” And she said because she’s moving into sufficiency and enough-ness, and she is okay, she’s not expecting her husband to be a certain way.

She’s detached herself from the way he responds to things and she’s providing that for herself, that she literally, she says, “I’m trying different things now that I’ve always wanted to try, I’m initiating. And he’s like, “Who is this woman?”” And yeah, we have yet to coach on sex.

Sonia: But I sense that what you’re tapping in is this concept of confidence, like I say, shift over. And we all know the most sexy way to be is to be confident, confident in yourself, and your body, and who you are as a woman. And so that is coming out with this confidence. And I talk about sex confidence as well and how you can have that confidence, that self-confidence. And then it shifts into the sex confidence. And so you’re right, you don’t even need to coach around the issue of sex because sex is tied into so many different aspects of our life.

And if we’re feeling more confident and happy in just who we are in these other aspects of our life it just naturally flows into our sex and sexuality. And it has an effect in that way, yeah, so you are such a great coach that you can coach on sex without even saying a word even.

Brig: Right, yeah, I love it. It’s good for me because the husbands are like, “Yeah, you’re going to re-sign.”

Sonia: Yeah, the same thing with me as well, husbands are like, you know, they’ll talk to other husbands and they’re like, “Dude, pay the money. I don’t know what the hell they do in those coaching sessions, you don’t need to know. All I know is we’re a lot happier and things are going well here so just pay the money because it’s worth it.” But I think that it’s so good about the confidence and the connection. And just knowing your worth in life and recognizing that you’re enough and you don’t have to do more or be more.

So I want to talk to you because I think it’s a wonderful opportunity to talk about being in this world and in this society as a woman in our 50s. And I see you showing up and showing out and just being amazing and incredible. And I just want to talk to you about what do you think the society defines a woman in her 50s or do you even think we’re allowed to be defined or even acknowledge that we exist? Or do we just kind of fade away? And then what exactly does it mean for you to be a woman in her 50s?

So the first half of the question is what do you think society views women in their 50s?

Brig: Yeah. Can I say this by telling a story?

Sonia: Yeah, please.

Brig: It’s a short little story. But I know you know about my infamous – is that the way you pronounce it, whatever? You all know I’m terrible with names, but photo shoot.

Sonia: Let’s talk about the photo shoot, I love the photo shoot.

Brig: The photo shoot, when I was 55 I did a photo shoot and it was all about me. It was literally my act of rebellion. It was me showing up as me declaring that I had a life that was going to be greater on the other side than it was on the previous side of 55. It was me accepting and owning all of my eff-ups, all of my history, everything, or herstory, everything. And so it was me just saying, “I am enough, I love every part of me, every ripple, dimple, roll, all of it” So I did a butt naked photo shoot.

Sonia: The infamous butt naked photo shoot, I love it.

Brig: I did a butt naked photo shoot. I had a lot of pictures with clothes on, guys. And so in it I had one picture of me in my bra and panty and a mink coat and I was holding my birthday cake with a candle. It was a beautiful picture. And I think the mink coat wasn’t on it, it was just me in my bra and panty. And I posted it on Facebook. And I got a response from someone, actually she didn’t respond it to me, she just put it as a post on her page which I thought was appropriate.

And she said, “What do you guys think a 50 year old posing in her panty and bra? Shouldn’t she leave that to the 20 year olds?”

Sonia: I’m like hell no. Okay, sorry.

Brig: I responded because I knew I had sparked that because I was the only one 50 year old that I can think of that posted a picture of her panty and bra, it just happened to be the same. She did it exactly two hours after I posted the picture. So I kind of put two and two together and I literally responded back and said, “Why waste it on 20 year olds? Why do 20 year olds only get to, like as a 50 year old we should know better?” I was like, “What is knowing better?”

This is what we talk about, like you were talking about the thoughts of the revolution. All of those thoughts of how am I supposed to carry myself at 50? Am I supposed to be with the muumuu housecoat on and house shoes and a do rag? How am I supposed to show up at 50? I think at 50, I don’t know about you and I’m sure you’re the same way. I know you are because we have these conversations all the time. I think I am probably my most sexiest sensual self ever at 56 now and why not? Put a picture up. Why are the swimsuit models always 20 year olds? What the fuck.

Sonia: Yeah. No, I’m a 100% in agreement with you because it’s almost like we have been washed away, you get over 50 and suddenly, well, I have to say things are changing. So at the same time I feel it’s changing. But in the not so recent past and even up until now I feel like there’s this ageism, and I’m just trying to see, we kind of vanish off. Like we’re no longer considered or allowed to be sexy.

Yeah, you can be sexy into your 30s and then maybe your 40s if you’re a movie star. But kind of after that, and I really want the world to know and I especially want my Diamonds to know that you get to be sexy as fuck for however long you want to be. You are the one that gets to define your story, her story. You’re the one that’s in control of what your concept is of yourself, who you are, how you want the world to perceive you. You are the one that’s in control of all of that. So yes at 54, yes at 56, you get to be in a photo shoot with your panties on if you choose to, or without your panties on.

Brig: I did those too.

Sonia: Yes. We get to define our beauty for ourselves. We get to define how we want to show up in this world. It’s time to say no when people try to erase us. Honestly as a woman in my 50s and over, postmenopausal as well, it’s really time. It’s time for me to define who I am in this world, not to listen to anybody else. You get to choose how you want to show up in this world. You get to be a sexual being in your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s till the day you pop off. It’s something that is part of you. And you get to see your beauty. You get to show your beauty.

It does not need to be reserved for the 20 something year olds, you get to be beautiful your entire life. Yes, your body changes, yes, you change. You’re not the same person you were at 20. Your body’s not the same as it was at 20. And I think that I’ve really seen this now because I decided to cut off all the hair and go grey and be me, and show up in this world. And so be like yeah, I’m sexy as fuck. Yeah, I’m having a great sex life and you can too.

I want to be out there as an example of what is possible for a woman in her 50s and beyond, that we get to define who we are and not society that says that you’re all washed up after a certain age. That’s not my plan. I know that I’m having a good life and I know that you’re having a good life.

Brig: Right, yeah. It’s like society has told us that our usefulness is during childbearing. And there is a part of us that we were born with that is totally natural that we should hide. We have all these humans on this Earth but no one talks about sex. Really? How do you think we all got here? And that it’s something that should be like shush and we don’t talk about, we don’t own.

But my thing is, is when we don’t own our sexuality and our sensuality, when we don’t own it then I think personally we lessen our ability to say no and to say yes when we’re ready, and to say no when we’re not. Because it’s not something we talk about. Or we shun women and call them names, Jezebels, fast, or whatever because they embrace their sensuality and sexuality which is something that is very natural. Why is it taboo? We obviously are all having sex because we wouldn’t have seven billion people on the Earth. Everybody’s at least having it once or twice for sure.

Sonia: Yeah. But if they’re having sex versus are you having pleasure with your sex, now, that’s a separate issue. And I’m definitely all about the pleasure. But I love how you talk about the labels and the shaming. It’s really shaming that we’re talking about, slut shaming, slut, whore, whatever the words are. They’re meant to keep women in their place.

And what I think is really interesting and I was saying this in my group Own Your Sexuality Now, just a couple of weeks ago is this concept that nobody calls you a slut at 50. They’re just like, “Well, she’s over there doing her thing, bless her soul or bless her heart”, or whatever. But nobody’s calling you a slut. I’m like, “Hey, over here.” But it is about a form of controlling you during your reproductive years by shaming you in some way and trying to keep you under wraps, and having you conform to society.

And then when your reproductive years are over, and so where is your usefulness? They like you to believe your usefulness is over. But also it’s what I love about midlife is because nobody wants to control you anymore. They’re like, “Do whatever the hell you want to.” And somebody’s like, “Whatever, over there in the corner.” But you get to define yourself, that’s what I love about midlife.

So if we’re talking about shaming and labels and things like that it is about how society is choosing to control women and control their reproductive years but you get to say no. You get to decide, you know you’re still a woman, still valuable whether or not you’re premenopausal or postmenopausal, or whatever. But it comes down to whether you’re 20, or you’re 50, or you’re 70, that you get to define your sexuality. You get to own your sexuality. You get to embrace whatever label people are trying to control you with.

And I was talking about this in terms of the label ‘bitch’. My definition of a bitch is just a woman that is leading their own life and just following what they want to do and not take into consideration other people per se. But as soon as you take back the label that somebody’s trying to control you with then suddenly you have freedom. You have choices, yeah.

Brig: Totally. Before I turned 50 I remember watching the Oprah show and she had two daughters on and they were on the Oprah show. They got on the Oprah show because she was distraught because her mother had the audacity to want to travel the world and have a life. And she didn’t want to come over and babysit her kids all the time.

And the daughter was in tears, she wrote a letter to Oprah to go onto the show so that Oprah can talk to her because mother is supposed to be taking care of her grandkids, that’s what mommas do, grandmas, women over 50 do. They’re grandmas, they wear the muumuu.

And then Oprah brought the mother on and the mother was like, “I’m living my life. I’ve done that. I’ve raised you. Hire a babysitter. It doesn’t mean I’m not a good grandmother. I’m an excellent grandmother. I think the best thing I can do as a grandmother is to show my granddaughter how to be 50, and 60, and 70, and 80 and own every little bit of my life. My life doesn’t stop and relegate me to the mother-in-law suite when I turn 50 and all I do is take care of the kids while you all go have fun. No.”

Sonia: No. I’m about them having fun too but just not at my expense.

Brig: Exactly. I totally want them to have fun. I’ll give you $5 on a babysitter.

Sonia: Exactly. I love that. It is about leading your life. It’s about having the freedom and leading your life in your 50s and not conforming to what people say you should do. There’s all different types of women out there. And I think that yes, you’re showing your granddaughter what it’s like to be in her 50s, 60s and beyond. But you’re also showing your daughter what it is and showing her that she has choices. She has choices right now as to how she wants to be and how she wants to lead her life too. You can be a great parent, and you can travel, and you can spend time with yourself.

And in fact you get to be actually a better parent if you spend time for yourself. So, Diamonds, for those of you that are feeling guilty about taking a minute for yourself, please, please, if we had to do it over again. I’m laughing, if I had to do it over again, I’ve got a nine year old son, still doing it. But in terms of I would feel less guilty about taking time for myself. And this is what I teach my daughter now, my baby girl, I’m like, “To be a better mom I have to take time for myself.”

And if look around, at the first time around and this time around it’s definitely more about, and an excellent parent in both ways, but taking time for myself and showing my daughter that there’s another way so that when she grows up she can also take time for herself and not be so guilty as well. So I wanted to ask you about, you coach high achieving women.

And I coach a lot of women around sex and sexuality. And they also tend to be high achieving women that have this perfection side of it. And they have this performance side, if they can’t get it right they don’t necessarily want to do it. Or they’re up in their head worrying about the performance around sex and sexuality. But I was thinking in terms of the fact that since you coach high achieving women do you have any advice or anything that you say in terms of how to make it okay for them, that they don’t have to be so focused?

Or do you see something that a high achieving woman, a characteristic or what’s the most – and I know this is the longest question in history. So tell me whatever you like.

Brig: It’s okay.

Sonia: But it’s basically about high achieving women and what would you like to say about that?

Brig: Yeah. I love my high achieving women because I am one so I totally get them. And if they’re like me, it’s like they’re doing all the things, getting all the certifications, taking all the courses, taking all, knowing all the things, showing up late, taking the assignments nobody wants, over-mothering, over-wifing, over-thinking, over-everything. And a lot of us do that in order to control how other people perceive us.

And one of my biggest things is to show my clients that they absolutely have no control on how other people perceive them. And when I show them that what they’re doing is not actually changing somebody’s thoughts or how they feel about them, and separating those two, then they can move from performative and behave in a certain way to control how other people see them and try to manipulate how other people see them. And actually stay in what I call their model and show up in a way they want to.

And actually what they think is going to happen doesn’t happen. Actually it’s the opposite of what they think is going to happen because they think if I don’t do all this then people are going to think of me a certain way. But when they start concentrating on them, that’s actually when people see the authentic them because the other them was behaving, performing.

But when they show up authentically that’s when they actually draw people to them. And so they actually have deeper relationships and they actually show up at work deeper and more creative and more efficient when they’re only concerned about them, which society tells us is kind of selfish. But actually it’s the most selfless thing you can do because you just show up and you’re able to give so much more.

Sonia: So what I’m hearing from you is when you change the focus from being worried about what other people are thinking about you, and people pleasing other people. And put the focus on, I call it me pleasing, when you’re focused on yourself and who you want to be as your authentic self then you show up more and you’re able to do more in this world.

It’s almost like the energy that you are using, trying to impress or change people’s opinions of you which is not really based on you at all. It’s based on their thoughts and their experiences and you don’t have control over their thoughts or anything like that. So when you focus on yourself and what you want to be in this world and how you show up, that sounds really scary though and sounds very vulnerable to not be thinking about other people’s thoughts and how they think and wanting to please them.

So how do you go about doing that so it’s not so hard, it’s not so vulnerable in that space?

Brig: Right. I think we go about doing it by understanding that we’ve been socialized as women to believe the good girl. My job is to make other people happy, to make other people comfortable, to please other people. We’ve been socialized to believe that. And so just showing them how that is happening and the thoughts that are creating that. And then asking them, “Do they like what’s going on?” Because here’s the deal, most of my clients, they’re coming to me and they’re paying for me because it’s past the whisper. There’s some screaming going along.

They’re burnt out, they’re despondent, they’re angry, they’re unfulfilled and they’re like, “What is it?” And the reason why is because they keep giving from lack. If you’re giving out of lack, I’m trying to do all the things so that you can feel a certain way so that you can again tell me I’m doing a good job, so I can feel a certain way. That’s the long way around as opposed to taking actions from abundance, no, I’m enough.

And like you said there’s a whole bunch of wasted energy because the energy is on feeling angry, despondent, bitter, frustrated, annoyed because you’re doing the things and they’re not recognizing the things. And you’re mad because they’re not recognizing the way that you think they should because of all the things you’re doing. And your story is, “But I’m doing this, this, this, this.”

There’s no better example than a mother whose like, “I got up in the morning, I took you to such and such, I did this, and I did this. And I got up and I made your breakfast and all of the things and this is what you do?” “Yeah, that’s what I do because all of those things doesn’t make me take different actions mom. I’m going to act the way I’m going to act mom.”

Sonia: So I love what you’re saying because it’s just like okay, there’s this big circular loop that you feel you have some sort of control over. You have thoughts and you’re upset and angry, you’re trying to get somebody else to think a certain thought about you, to take a certain action. So that therefore you will feel better about yourself, where you’re going external to try to find that feeling based on what somebody else does. They’re pleased with you and then they show you that they’re pleased.

Where you could just focus on yourself and figure out how to get to your own feeling essentially and have it be an internal process. Instead of going outside and trying to have some influence over somebody’s thoughts, actions and feelings in order to get the feeling that you want. And if you could just stop that circular loop and just focus on yourself you could get there a hell of a lot faster with a lot less energy. And actually have some control since you don’t control what other people do.

Brig: Right. If you just look at simple geometry, think of the radius of a circle, that’s a whole bunch of energy as opposed to just connecting to straight lines. And that’s why we as women are able to show up differently and show up more powerfully when we actually release and allow other people to have their thoughts about us, or think certain ways. Or we just understand that we really don’t control how somebody thinks about us. And recognize the societal pressures of that.

If a kid acts up in school we blame mom, what’s wrong with mom? If our husband has an affair or our wives has affair, what’s wrong with me? Not the person had a thought, had a feeling and took an action, why am I to blame because my husband decided to have an affair? That’s nothing to do with me. But a good woman, society says a good woman can control a man and he will act right if he has a good woman.

Sonia: Yeah, like she’s his moral compass. He’s his own moral compass. There’s so much that that label of the good girl, the good woman, oh my goodness, if we could just get rid of that.

Brig: Right, the good mother.

Sonia: Yeah. So if we could just get rid of the good anything, if there’s a word that we could replace the good. How about be just the breathing woman, just be like a regular person. You don’t have to be the good girl, the good woman, the good wife, the good doctor, the good anything; can we just give that up? And as we celebrate Women’s History Month can we get rid of the word ‘good’? It’s a four letter word and it needs to go. It just needs to go. It doesn’t need to be part of our history, our herstory, does not need to be part of our future anymore.

Brig: Or we give the label to everybody.

Sonia: Yeah. And then let’s just call it a day, right?

Brig: Right. I did more trying to be the good wife, the good mother, the good; I burnt myself out trying to be the good whatever.

Sonia: Yeah. We’re not going to be the good anything anymore. And honestly, it’s much more fun not being the good. I have a lot more fun.

Brig: Right. I think I’m being a good mother by taking trips and I really do believe I’m being a good mother like [crosstalk].

Sonia: So maybe we can keep good if you want to but you’ve just got to redefine it for yourself.

Brig: Yes. I’m being a good wife by going and doing my thing and not having my life evolve around you. I’m totally being a good wife.

Sonia: I love that. That is so good. Alright, as we wrap it up is there anything else you want to say about Women’s History Month and just her story or anything that you’d like to add to this?

Brig: I just think no matter where we are, no matter what age we are we can always decide that our future is going to be better than our past, always. And we get to own our story. And I think to make herstory we have to own our past and own everything about us. And I think when we have that self-acceptance then we free ourselves up to just do the thing. Show up and just live a life of pleasure, sensuality, confidence, fun, and badass too, all of it. It’s all available to us.

Sonia: I love that, it’s all available to us. Okay, so where can my Diamonds find you?

Brig: Okay. They can find me at brigjohnson.com. And I actually have a podcast too; it’s called Breakthrough with Brig, yeah.

Sonia: Fabulous. Okay, so thank you so much for being on the podcast today. And it’s been wonderful talking to you about herstory and talking to you about all of it. And we are going to be putting in the show notes, so we can get a link so we can at least see your Instagram shots of you butt naked.

Brig: If I have a whole bunch of new followers, yeah, if I have a whole bunch of new followers I’ll know why.

Sonia: You’ll know exactly why.

Brig: People scrolling through like, “Where are those pictures at? Where are those pictures at?”

Sonia: Where are those pictures at?

Brig: I tell them, “Follow me in November.” In November I did another recap of the photo shoot. So if you’re looking at me in Instagram it’s Johnson Brig and yeah, go to November and I do have a lot of posts about the photo shoot and what it meant. I actually think it was good work because it wasn’t just the pictures, it was the experience. And I talk a lot about those in those posts so yeah.

Sonia: Yeah. Wonderful. Thank you so much. This is just fabulous, thank you.

Brig: Thank you. I love you.

Sonia: I love you too.

                                                                                                                   

Hey Diamonds, do you want to reignite the passion that’s gone missing from your life? Do you want to want to want it again? You know I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation that women experience associated with sexual difficulties. And many of you also know that I was once in that place where I was experiencing little to no sexual intimacy in my life. And I kept thinking that there was something that was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t smart enough to fix this problem.

And I was worried all the time that my relationship was too far gone because of this lack of intimacy. Well, you know what? I was right about one thing. The relationship didn’t last. But even though the relationship didn’t last I committed to doing the work that I needed to do to own my sexuality. And now I have this amazing sex life and it’s everything that I wanted it to be. And I’m also committed to helping my Diamonds by teaching them the same strategies that I figured out in order to revitalize the intimacy in their life.

So if you want to stop feeling broken, if you want to stop feeling shame and guilt about sexuality, if you want to feel more comfortable with your sexuality and tap into that pleasure then I’m here for you Diamonds. First of all know that there’s nothing that’s gone wrong with you. You’re not broken. And you know what? You can solve your intimacy issues. You can let go of that shame and guilt, and you can tap into that passionate person that’s just waiting to come out.

Let’s get on a strategy call together. And let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you. And know that a strategy call, it’s like a 100% a safe place, there’s no judgment. We’ll talk about your intimacy situation which is what’s going on right now. We’re also going to talk about your intimacy goals, what you would like your intimacy to look like in the future. And then we’ll talk about how we could possibly work together to come up with a personalized strategy plan for you so you can get the results that you need.

So, Diamonds, I’m here for you. Don’t wait another minute, book that consultation call with me today. And I can’t wait to talk to you. You can get that consultation call by going to soniawrightmd.as.me and the link is also in the show notes. Okay, have a great day. I can’t wait to talk to you. Take care.

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About

Sonia Wright MD

Hi, I’m Dr. Sonia Wright and I’m YOUR SEX COACH! I’m on a mission to end the pain and isolation associated with sexual difficulties and to help women create satisfying sex lives.

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