Ep #121: Happy New Clit Year!

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 121.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hey, Diamonds, how are you doing? Happy New Year. It is so good to be here on episode 121 with you. This is really amazing. Happy New Year. Happy 2023. What? So I just got back from Hawaii and I went from 80 degree weather to negative 11 degree weather in about 14 hours. A little bit of a shock to the system but I’m back here at home in Minnesota. And I am happy to have the snow, and the chill in the air. It’s so wonderful.

And I was saying to myself that you have to love winter in Minnesota, no one makes me stay here. So if I’m going to stay in Minnesota and there’s so many wonderful things about this state, really there are. That I’m going to just love and enjoy winter as well because technically it goes from kind of the middle of November through to near the end of March. So it’s quite a big percentage of the year we have kind of cold weather. We have gorgeous summers and we have beautiful spring and fall but they’re kind of short.

So our winters are relatively long and that being the case I am embracing them. And I’m just all in for the Minnesota winter. And I’m also all in for the new year. So it’s 2023, it’s a new year, it’s a new you if you want it to be. I’m definitely not forcing anyone to do the new year’s resolution. Resolutions, if they resonate with you, that’s great. If they don’t resonate with you and you don’t want to be involved in new year’s resolutions, I’m not here to tell you, you have to be.

So just like sexual intimacy and basically everything else, there is consent involved and it’s no different with resolutions. If you’re not interested in a new year’s resolution, maybe you could fast forward on this. But you’re going to miss some fun stuff. So maybe just stick with me and just listen either way. So do you want to start the year with a declaration of what you want to have happen by the end of December of 2023? It’s a question. It’s a question that I have.

I know for me and I think most you know by now, I love new year’s resolutions. I love goals. I love focusing in on something new and different, and learning, and growing over the course of the year. And sometimes I get frustrated. And sometimes I think I should be further ahead, or doing this, or that, or the next, but it still excites me, it jazzes me to have a goal and a new year’s resolution. But I also recognize that so often some people don’t want to do a new year’s resolution because they’re focused upon the failure before you even start the process.

They think if I make a new year’s resolution I’m probably going to fail at it and then where will I be? But I think a better question to ask is, where will I be, or where will you be if you don’t even try, if you don’t even have a new year’s resolution, if you don’t even have an idea in your mind as to where you would like to grow and improve your life? I remember years ago talking to Edward and talking to him about how incredible it is to have the opportunity to grow, and learn, and become a better version of yourself.

And I remember him specifically saying, “Not everybody wants to do that.” And that was shocking to me. I had never thought that other people wouldn’t necessarily want to grow, and change, and challenge themselves and things like that. And I still tend to be that type of person that I do find the joy in the challenge and becoming the next version of yourself. But what I’ve had to learn over the years is that failure is also inevitable. When you’re in the process of achieving goals or focused on goals, sometimes we get to this place where we’re pretty unhappy when we ‘fail’.

But now I’ve grown to understand that failure is just kind of part of it. It can’t be avoided. It’s just something to be accepted along the way. It’s like the concept of success or anything that you’re trying to achieve is built on a pile of failures just like this. So let me say it again. If you start this process, if you get to the place where you want a new year’s resolution then failure is inevitable. Somewhere along the way there probably will be some failure. You’re definitely going to fail at some point while you’re trying to do this.

And if there’s no failure involved then it’s likely that you have set your sights and your goal pretty low. And when you set your sights and your goals pretty low there’s really not much growth because there’s not much challenge to help you become the best person that you’re meant to be. So I like to think of a new year’s goal as kind of like an instrument or a pathway to becoming the next best version of yourself. And this year I’m focused on acquiring the skill of discipline. I know the next version of myself is going to have to be extremely disciplined.

I mean I’ve always had focus and discipline, but it’s also time to uplevel. Now, 2022 was about finding joy for me, living my best life and it still continues to be that for me. But as I grow my business and I think of what I want to provide for my Diamonds, I realize that I need to fine tune discipline to an even higher degree than I have already. So my plan is to enhance the discipline in my life while I’m focusing on my goals in my business, my relationship, and my health. And that’s what my year of the clit is going to look like. Yes, it’s going to look like clit discipline.

Did you hear that? My year of the clit is going to be clit discipline. And I’m also realizing that failure is how I’m going to manifest this clit discipline. If some failures are inevitable in this process of growth, then I’m willing to harness the power of the clit, to persevere and to cultivate that discipline that I want. And I’m going to do it while I’m focusing on my business, on my relationships and on my health goals. So my question to you is going to be, how will you harness the power of the clit this year?

I said 2023 was going to be the year of the clit and of course, for those of you that are around my age, you remember the song called The Year of The Cat. And it just keeps echoing in my head, the year of the clit. The year of the clit. So that might be my song for this year. It’s the year of the clit. And as I said in the past, your clit energy is your personal battery pack, or vitality source. The year of 2023 is your time. It’s your go time. So what are your goals for 2023? What would you like more of? Would you like more sexual intimacy?

Would you like better health? Would you like more me time? Would you like to prioritize you? Would you like better communication in your relationships? Maybe you want a year of 100 yeses. Whatever you want to do, it’s going to involve some failure, some fun, it’s going to involve ups and downs. It’s going to involve all of it, but I have some questions for you, so get out your journal and let’s have some fun with these questions. The first question I have for you has to do with consent. Would you like to focus on a goal this year, in 2023 would you like to focus on something?

And my second question, if so, what would you like to focus on? What would you like that goal to be this year. My third question, what value or skill would you like to develop while you are focusing on accomplishing this goal? And I gave you the example of discipline, was what I wanted to focus on. Maybe it’s integrity that you want to focus on. Maybe it’s self-compassion, that’s such a good one. Unconditional love, remember, we talked about unconditional self-love? Maybe this is the year for your unconditional self-love.

Maybe it’s gratitude, oh my goodness, gratitude is one of the best things, one of the best feelings. And it colors your world so beautifully. You look at things differently when you’re coming from a perspective of gratitude. So what skill or value system would you like to develop while you’re in the process of achieving your goal? For me it’s discipline. And then recognize, there are going to be some ups and some downs while we’re trying to achieve this goal. Often we call the downs, failures. And when you think of the word ‘failure’, what does it mean to you? What thoughts start coming?

It’s going to be important for us to look at this. Is failure going to be something that stops you? Or is failure going to be something that motivates you? This is the important aspect here. Do you think you might have the ability to welcome failure or at least give yourself permission to fail along the way to achieving your goal? Can we shift our perspective and our concept?

If we decided we wanted more sexual intimacy and we were going to try to have sexual intimacy with ourselves and our partners two or three times a week. And maybe for the first month it ended up being once a month, do you shut it all down? Do you say,  “You suck at this?” Or do you say, “Okay, that’s the up and down side of things and that’s kind of the down. But I gave myself permission to fail along the way, and to regroup, and to figure it out.” So yeah, what do you want to do? What do you want to make this mean?

Will you welcome failure? And will you give yourself permission to fail along the way? And what would you need to think in order to welcome failure this year? If the word ‘failure’ triggers you and you want to call it something else, go ahead and call it something else. You can say you’re experimenting. You’re kind of learning. You get to choose the word that fits and resonates with you. But will you be able to welcome failure? Because on the way to any success there will be failure and that is okay.

Now, I’ve described the inner clit power as a source of creativity, and energy, and grit. And it is the core part of us that makes us women. The core part of us that allows us to persevere and make no mistake, women are extremely strong and determined individuals. Sometimes we’re not trained to see that within ourselves, to see how strong we are. And sometimes we’re made to feel that our feminine energy is not correct, or not strong but it really is. So I like to describe the inner clit power as a combination of creativity, and energy, and grit, and determination.

How would you describe your personal clit power? Where do you feel this inner power emanating from? Is it emanating from your vulva, from your heart, from your abdomen? You get to say where this is emanating from. And it’s different for each person. So take a moment and spiritually and mentally tap into that clit power, that clit energy and harness that. Harness it throughout the year as you achieve your goals and as you develop and create that skillset and that value system, tap into that energy.

How can that energy help you on your journey to achieving your goals? How can that inner drive, that inner grit, that inner determine, the thing that won’t quit, how can you utilize that? How can you harness that to help you achieve your goals? So those are some interesting questions that I had for you. So take some time to journal all on that. And let’s wrap it all together, let’s bring it together. And when we’re creating the year of 2023 which is the year of the clit, while we’re creating that year I want you to understand that there’s different components to it.

There is the focused goal, that new year’s resolution whatever you want to focus in on in 2023. Add that to the value of the skillset that you want to develop while you’re achieving that goal. Add to that the allowing, the welcoming of failure and then acknowledge and tap into your overall energy, that overall clit energy. Bring it all together and that is going to become your year of the clit in 2023. You have your goal, you have what you’re going to develop while you’re focusing on that goal. You’re going to have the allowing of the failure while you’re heading towards that goal.

And you have that strength, that determination, that energy that is going to support the whole process. Okay, Diamonds there you have it, 2023, the year of the clit. I would love to know what you’re going to be focusing in on this year. So feel free to email me and let me know what’s going on. You can email us at admin@soniawrightmd. We want to know all about what your year of the clit is going to look like, so good, so good.

Okay, Diamonds, Happy New Year, happy year of the clit. We’ve got a lot of fun things that are going to be happening with Dr. Sonia, and sexuality, and fun, and clit energy over this next year. So welcome to 2023 and let’s have an amazing year together. This is going to be your lit year. This is going to be your clit year. So from all of us to all of you, Happy New Year.

Hey, Diamonds, it’s Dr. Sonia, OYSN is starting in January of 2023. Will you be there? I only offer OYSN live once a year now. That time is now. I love you, I love this group and I want you to be part of it. Enrollment is now open for the next two weeks. And did I mention the bonuses for this group? First, we have Dr. Sonia’s favorite things giftbox which is full of fun toys, books, lube and even a special self-love journal from OYSN. That’s available for the first 20 women that join the group.

The second bonus, which is truly amazing, is that you get to be a founding member of Dr. Kimmery’s relationship coaching group. It’s like getting two programs in one. Honestly, you know, it just doesn’t get better than this. I know you want to join so let’s do this. Let’s start the new year with the new empowered sexual you. Imagine where you could be in 90 days. Yes, in three months it could be completely different. Your intimacy can be loving, connected, pleasurable, you get to decide. And you know I love to ask questions so here’s a question for you.

What do you want your sexual intimacy to look like in 10 or 20 years? What you think and what you do now determines your future intimacy. If you’re settling now, your intimacy, your sexual intimacy is likely to be non-existent in the future. You have no incentive to keep engaging in sexual intimacy if it’s not good, if it’s not empowering, if it’s not pleasurable. Do something now that your future self will thank you for. This is the best gift ever for yourself and for your relationships. It’s the gift that keeps on giving year, after year, after year.

You owe it to yourself to invest in your sexual intimacy now and forever. Doesn’t matter if you’re single, if you’re partnered, or if you’re in a, it’s a complicated situation, the OYSN program is for you. I’m personally inviting you to check out the intimate edition. The last cohort was on fire. Women in that group from age 35 to 65 were getting it done and on their own terms.

Couples who had not had sex in years found a new level of sexual fun and intimacy. Other women learned about their bodies and tapped into their pleasure zones. One Diamond learned about setting boundaries and focusing on her pleasure for the first time. Another Diamond got to be independent and changed up her entire life. OYSN is not just about sex, it’s about empowerment for women and, of course, pleasure.

Orientation week starts January 9th, come join an intimate group of women for 12 weeks and literally change your life. If you’re a woman who wants to enjoy all aspects of her life then this program is for you. It finally gets to be your time. So click on the link in the show notes or on my website, soniawrightmd.com and sign up for Own Your Sexuality Now, the intimate edition. I can’t wait to see you there, Diamonds, Dr. Sonia out.