Ep #100: The Gift of Maybe

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women^TM Podcast, episode 100.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women^TM Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds. I don’t even have words. I am so excited and I’m also in a place of disbelief and also in a place of celebration, and also in a place of so many different things. I’m so excited because this is my 100^th episode. I really can’t believe that we are here together for this 100^th episode. It’s so fantastic, and amazing, and awesome, and inspiring. And definitely not something that I thought I was going to be doing. And definitely not for 100 episodes. I’ve really blown my own mind as to what is possible for me.

If somebody had told me two years ago that I was a podcaster, you see, I’m still laughing right now, so, if somebody had told me two years ago that I was a podcaster I would have laughed at them. I would have laughed at the thought because it was not a concept of who I am or who I was at the time. And it definitely was not there in terms of what was possible for me two years ago. But somewhere between not possible and possible there is a little quiet thought, a word, maybe. It’s what I call a maybe thought. I love maybe thoughts.

It’s such a subtle and small thing and it doesn’t seem like its much but it can change the world. Other people have had maybe thoughts and they’ve impacted your life, they’re impacting your life right now. At some point someone had a maybe thought, this thought was maybe I could create something where everyone would carry a mini computer in their hand. Maybe I’ll call it the iPhone. Maybe it’s possible to fly to the moon. Maybe it’s possible to sail around the world. Maybe it’s possible. So many maybe thoughts. I’ve had some maybe thoughts before too.

Maybe I could start medical school at 32. Maybe I could have a baby during medical school. Maybe I could be a doctor and just maybe I could be a life coach as well. Maybe I could go back to school and become a sexual counsellor. And I know that there are Diamonds out there right now that are having maybe thoughts. Maybe your maybe thought is maybe I could embrace my sexuality. Maybe it’s not too late for me, for us. Maybe I could change the sexless marriage. There’s so much possibility in this world and how we start to tap into this possibility is through the maybe thought.

Maybe. So, as we celebrate the 100^th episode, I wanted to give you a gift. I love my Diamonds so much, you are who inspire me. You inspire all of my work as a midlife sex coach for women. So, on this momentous occasion I would like to give you the gift of maybe. I’d like to give it to you in the form of a letter that I wrote to you. And here is the letter.

Dear Diamonds, this is Dr. Sonia, let me start by saying I love you all so much. You inspire me every day, you inspire me because you keep going no matter what. You persevere, you do the work that you need to do in order to own your sexuality and improve the sexual intimacy in your life. And this is not an easy thing to do in this world, in this society. There’s a lot that we have to overcome as women in order to decide that our sexuality is important and that we deserve to wholly incorporate it into our lives. Never forget you were born a sexual being.

You were comfortable with your sexuality then things transpired and you were taught to disassociate from your sexuality. What you’re doing now is the work to becoming whole again. As I often say, sexuality, pleasure, intimacy, they are all basic human rights. You are all so courageous because this work of becoming sexually whole is not easy especially when you’re swimming in the soup of a patriarchal society. If you look closely a woman’s sexuality, something so intimate and at the core of who we are is not necessarily something that society allows us to control, to have ownership over.

A woman does not necessarily have domain over her own sexuality until maybe she’s in her 50s. And that is mainly because society tends to define women over 50 as not sexual, like their sexuality has just kind of dissipated like the ethers in the wind. And it’s not a coincidence that we finally have control over our sexuality at the same time as our reproductive abilities are ending.

Our society would like to exert control over us sexually through laws as we’re seeing with the overturn of the Roe vs. Wade. As well as through social constructs which include thoughts, and norms, and unwritten rules which are then internalized by women. In essence we are policing our own sexuality based on these rules. The patriarchal society says the main rule is when it comes to sexuality there are good girls and there are bad girls. Good girls don’t want sex. Good girls don’t seek out pleasure. Good girls don’t masturbate. Good girls are focused on their male partner’s pleasure. Good girls only have male partners as well, that’s kind of explicit in there.

Good girls don’t have sex and don’t get pregnant if they are too young, or too old, or too poor, or too single. They have to be just right. Good girls don’t focus on clitoral stimulation. Good girls have orgasms from penetrative sex alone. Good girls don’t take too long for their own pleasure. And good girls don’t really want sex for themselves, it’s all about their partners. At the same time, good girls must always be ready for sex when their partners want sex. Good girls don’t initiate. Good girls don’t. Good girls don’t. Good girls don’t or maybe they do.

Please listen to me when I say maybe they do. Maybe it doesn’t matter about any rules that are out there because if you look closely these rules were never made for you. These rules were rules that were made to benefit others, not you. So maybe good girls do, maybe they do, or maybe, just maybe there’s no such thing as a good girl and there never was. Maybe there was always just a woman and women that were controlled by society that says that she should act small, be small and play small for the benefit of others.

Diamonds, I’m writing this letter to you because I love you so much. And I want to give you the gift of maybe. What could you do with the gift of maybe? What would you do with the gift of maybe? Who could you be with the gift of maybe? Who will you become? So how do you use this gift of maybe? It’s just one word but it’s such a powerful word and it is so very, very, very subtle and it’s a beginning. It’s a beginning of a new thought, a new feeling, new actions.

It’s the beginning of a new result and it’s the beginning of fulfilling all your dreams. Just notice what your mind says when it says that you can’t do something. And give yourself and your mind the gift of maybe instead, for example, if your mind is saying, I can’t take 20 minutes of oral sex in order to cum and have an orgasm. That’s taking too long and my partner will get bored. Or maybe I can, and that would be okay. Maybe your mind is saying, I can’t initiate sex, that’s just not what the good girls do, that’s not what society says is okay.

Or maybe I can because I am a powerful maybe woman. Maybe I can initiate sex. Your mind can be saying, I can’t say I don’t want sex seven times a week because that would upset my partner so I’ll just lie here and take one for the team. I’ll ignore my wants and my needs because they’re not important. I’ll also believe when I’m told that because I don’t want sex seven days a week there must be something wrong with me, that my libido is wrong and I need to get something fixed.

Or just maybe I’m fine, and maybe I get to set boundaries and maybe I get to say, “I don’t want to be penetrated seven days a week. And I would like to focus on my pleasure and see what that is like.” Diamonds, whatever it is that you’re dealing with right now and your mind is telling you, you can’t do something then maybe it’s time to give yourself the gift of maybe. I can wrap it for you. I can give it to you in a big, beautiful box with a bow on it but you have to be the one to open it. You have to be the one to reach out for the box and grab it. You need to open the box and make maybe yours.

Because once you say the word ‘maybe’ you’re opening up the door to any possibility that you want in your life. When you say the word ‘maybe’ you are automatically tapping into a wonderful feeling. One of my favorite feelings in fact, curiosity, your mind starts working on your behalf and starts asking the question, how could this be possible? What could I do? What steps should I take to make this possible? And this my Diamonds is the beginning of the beginning, one word, maybe. Never forget the word maybe is such an amazing subtle and powerful word in our lives.

Diamonds, if there’s anything that you want or anything that is holding you back at this point in your life tap into the power of maybe and possibility in order to change your life. So, as we celebrate the 100^th episode my gift to you is the gift of maybe. May it give you all the things you have ever wanted. With lots of love, Dr. Sonia.

Hey Diamonds, do you want to reignite the passion that’s gone missing from your life? Do you want to want to want it again? You know I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation that women experience associated with sexual difficulties. And many of you also know that I was once in that place where I was experiencing little to no sexual intimacy in my life. And I kept thinking that there was something that was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t attractive enough. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t smart enough to fix this problem.

And I was worried all the time that my relationship was too far gone because of this lack of intimacy. Well, you know what? I was right about one thing. The relationship didn’t last. But even though the relationship didn’t last I committed to doing the work that I needed to do to own my sexuality. And now I have this amazing sex life and it’s everything that I wanted it to be. And I’m also committed to helping my Diamonds by teaching them the same strategies that I figured out in order to revitalize the intimacy in their life.

So, if you want to stop feeling broken, if you want to stop feeling shame and guilt about sexuality, if you want to feel more comfortable with your sexuality and tap into that pleasure then I’m here for you Diamonds. First of all, know that there’s nothing that’s gone wrong with you. You’re not broken. And you know what? You can solve your intimacy issues. You can let go of that shame and guilt, and you can tap into that passionate person that’s just waiting to come out.

Let’s get on a strategy call together. And let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you. And know that a strategy call, it’s like a 100% a safe place, there’s no judgment. We’ll talk about your intimacy situation which is what’s going on right now. We’re also going to talk about your intimacy goals, what you would like your intimacy to look like in the future. And then we’ll talk about how we could possibly work together to come up with a personalized strategy plan for you so you can get the results that you need.

So, Diamonds, I’m here for you. Don’t wait another minute, book that consultation call with me today. And I can’t wait to talk to you. You can get that consultation call by going to soniawrightmd.as.me and the link is also in the show notes. Okay, have a great day. I can’t wait to talk to you. Take care.