Ep #245: Age Boldly: Reclaim Your Voice, Visibility, and Next Chapter with Kwavi

Dr. Sonia (00:42)
you are listening to the Midlife Sex Coach for Women podcast, episode 245. Diamonds, I cannot wait for this episode. Like it does not get better

than this. Like two badass women here talking, talking about all the talk, right? So I’m super excited because I have been trying to get this woman on my podcast forever.

And she finally agreed, she finally had a minute out of her busy, crazy schedule, and she agreed that she would come and talk to us. So I’m so excited to welcome Kwavi. She’s a life coach, a speaker, an author, a thought leader, 100% a thought leader. And she helps women in their 50s and beyond age boldly. I love that. Boldly, right? Through her work around menopause, identity, confidence, and self-advocacy, Kwavi challenges women.

To reclaim their voices, embrace their visibility, and intentionally create what comes next. Welcome, Coach Gravey. So good to have you here. You are so good.

Kwavi (01:47)
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, make sure.

Dr. Sonia (01:51)
So introduce yourself and then I’m gonna ask you some questions and we’re just gonna let the conversation

Kwavi (01:56)
All right.

Hello, right? Yeah. So my name’s Kwavi. I’m fifty-eight years old and I always like to lead with my age because I think it’s important for women.

to really kind of age boldly and part of aging boldly is you say your name with pride. I call

Dr. Sonia (02:09)
Yeah.

Kwavi (02:09)
it age pride. And I love helping women be all in in their lives, whatever that means to them. Because you know we’re all different. We have different goals and different desires, but I want to help women be all in. Like I don’t want them to be on the sidelines of their life. I don’t want them to be sleepwalking through life. I want to help them, you know, be radiant and just live life to the fullest. So in a nutshell, that’s what I help women do. I you know I help

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Sonia (02:35)
So

good. Okay, so I wanna start with your story. You grew up in three different countries. How has that experience like how has experiencing different cultures shaped the way you think as a woman, how you think about aging, menopause, and what is possible for us in midlife?

Kwavi (02:54)
All right, so

I will have to say those three come countries shaped me in different ways. And so my my life first started in England. That’s where I was born. And then about eight years old, we moved to Nigeria. So it was kind of interesting, right? So you’re in England, you see mostly white people, and then all of a sudden you’re in Nigeria, it’s hot, so the weather’s different, first of all. And then I see a lot of people that look like me. And you know, in my little brain, I’m trying to kind of make sense of all of this. It’s kind of, you know, a part of me is like excited about it, but I’m like, what is

What is this? but one of the things I still remember is looking at the older women and how they carry themselves with so much pride. And people looked up to them. You know, they were respected. And you know, when they would turn a certain age, like when they’ll turn 50, they have these big parties, and we you would all attend, would all get dressed up. And I thought to myself, you know what? I want I want to do that. I want to be that. But this is me at eight, nine years old, just saying it. And I thought, wow, this is really.

Like getting older, you know, it’s a beautiful thing. And then I moved back to England for college.

And the messaging is completely different. The messaging is like, no, you need to try and stay as young as you can. And you know, you have to use all these different creams and all these different things to keep you looking younger. And I was like, my goodness. So there’s this mismatch in my brain, you know, cognitive dissonance like happening like on the regular, because I’m trying to kind of reconcile what I knew when I was in Nigeria and now what I’m learning in this new country of mine. And thankfully.

the messaging from Nigeria won. But it was also, you know, there was also some, you know, doubts that would creep in from time to time because you’d hear people saying, like, no, you have to do this because you know, you know, y you look a certain way, people will overlook you, you won’t get you know, so all kinds of messaging around that.

Dr. Sonia (04:48)
doubt if anybody

can ever overlook you, but okay.

Kwavi (04:52)
No, but but this is the thing though, but most times the self-doubt, you know, that you have in your brain is louder than anything else. And sometimes it can kind of come out. And and for me it was it was constant that constant battling my brain between the two thoughts from Nigeria and from England. And then I moved to the US.

Let me just say it was like tr triple. Like in the UK, it was even subtle. But when I moved to the US, my goodness, the messaging is out there. You do not want to get older. my goodness. It’s like that is not an option for you. Like you have to do all you can to stay young. And the various anti-aging products. I’m like, my goodness.

Kwavi (05:32)
say

like in the UK, it was kinda like a whisper. In

Dr. Sonia (05:35)
Mm-hmm.

Kwavi (05:36)
the US, it was loud. Like the voices were loud and they were everywhere. Like, no, you have to use different anti aging products and you have to do all you can to stay younger. And then you’d have friends saying it. You and it’s just like, What what is happening? And I thought to myself, really? Like, I’m only in my cause then when I moved to the U to the US I was in my twenties. I’m like, I’m only in my twenties. What is this about? Trying to do all

All these different things just to stay young. And you know, eventually for me, the voice from Nigeria kind of won all of that. But then I was in the minority because most people didn’t believe what I was talking about. They’re like, no, you have to do all these different things. And so it’s kind of interesting. And that stayed with me until now. But it was, you know, it was a struggle for a while because, you know, you have all these competing voices all around you.

Dr. Sonia (06:25)
So true. And you’re essentially straddling like three different cultures and trying to figure out where you fit in in the midst of all this and what the definition is of a woman, especially as she gets older. And each culture it has a different definition. And for some culture, you know, in Nigeria it’s celebratory. And in others it’s kind of subtle, but you’re kind of getting older. And then other places it’s like slap you upside the hell head.

Kwavi (06:50)
We’re done.

All right.

Dr. Sonia (06:51)
Never get older. Don’t talk about like

and so you’re talking about naming a number and I’m like, I’m about to hit 60 this year. And I am so like, bring it, bring it, because I have

Kwavi (07:02)
Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (07:03)
to say I loved my 50s. I loved my 40s and I adored my 50s. So like it just gets better and better. Like you know

Kwavi (07:08)
Thank you. It does!

Dr. Sonia (07:11)
who you are and you give yourself more permission to be who you are, right? Exactly who you are as you’re getting older, right?

Kwavi (07:19)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (07:20)
And so it’s like you get to celebrate and I understand straddling different cultures because I also I have I’m smiling because like England,

Kwavi (07:28)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (07:30)
I had the Caribbean culture and then America as well, right? So there’s all of that

Kwavi (07:31)
Right. Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (07:34)
in there too and straddling many different cultures and trying to figure out where you fit in in all this and how you define yourself as a woman, right? So

Kwavi (07:42)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (07:44)
you have built so much of your of your work around women aging boldly.

Was there a particular moment in your life when you realize that the cultural story that we’ve given and I’ll specifically talk about, you know, in the United States, about women getting older simply wasn’t a story that you wanted to accept?

Kwavi (08:04)
Yeah. And I think it was for me it was like, what is the alternative to just not I mean, like, why would I choose not to enjoy my life just because society has said, you know what, when you hit a certain age, it’s all doom and gloom, it’s over for you, you need to step into the shadows, you need to be invisible. And you see all these terms when you Google, you’ll see these terms out there and they reference it for women. And then this is the thing though. When you Google older women, the images I’m like, why do they have images like that? Now

Older men, no, totally different story.

Dr. Sonia (08:35)
Distinguished, right?

Kwavi (08:37)
my goodness, Silver Fox. It’s like, I’m like, what is you know, I’m like, what is this image? And I’m like, I’m gonna do my best to change that image because it’s not true.

It’s not. And it doesn’t

Dr. Sonia (08:46)
It’s definitely not true. It’s not

Kwavi (08:48)
serve anyone.

Dr. Sonia (08:49)
but I think you’re so right that it’s really how you think about yourself. Like we’re two women in our late fifties, heading into sixties, and we have a concept about ourselves and we are beautiful. We get better day by day. We’re vibrant. You know, I’m a sex coach. I’m a sex

Kwavi (09:07)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (09:07)
coach that’s hidden sixty and I like sex, right? So like all those things.

Kwavi (09:11)
Thank you. So do I.

Dr. Sonia (09:14)
But I have

coached other other people and they’re in their fifties and sixties and they literally are thinking, This is the end for me. I’m getting close to the end. And like, you got thirty more years at least. Like this can’t be

Kwavi (09:25)
Thank you. Like

Dr. Sonia (09:27)
the end. You can’t die like and sit down by the side of the road. Like this has gotta be like the best time ever. You finally get

Kwavi (09:35)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Sonia (09:35)
to like live your life and do what you want to do.

So but

Kwavi (09:39)
Right.

Dr. Sonia (09:40)
if we can’t shift that brain, how do you shift that brain?

Kwavi (09:45)
See, you ha first of all, you have to be ready to do it. Because I tell, like, even when clients come to you, I tell them, listen, I can’t want this more than you do. Like, let’s just establish that. Like,

Dr. Sonia (09:52)
Yes. Yeah.

Kwavi (09:54)
if you are ready to be open to the idea that this next chapter can even be way better than your past, then let’s go. But you have to be open to the idea. Because if you’re not, you’re gonna keep fighting against it. Because this is the thing, you are going to see so many stories out there that will support your story that you need to sit down and just lay low. You’re gonna see it out there.

Dr. Sonia (10:15)
But if you think about it, like what is the purpose behind supporting that story? The purpose is I think it’s marketing, social media, like everything is pushing people towards spending more money and

Kwavi (10:30)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (10:30)
and and not being content and not thinking, you know, I fuck awesome. Like like

Kwavi (10:36)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (10:36)
i if you are thinking I’m less than, I’m about to hit sixty and I’m not that great, then you’re gonna invest lots of money in different things.

Kwavi (10:44)
Lots

of money. Yes.

Dr. Sonia (10:46)
Right,

as opposed to being like, wait a minute, like they don’t make money off of you feeling great.

Kwavi (10:53)
The truth, it’s like they already have this premise, underlying premise that you’re broken. Let me fix you. Do this, this, this, and this. And guess who’s making the money? The marketing, those companies are making the money off of us because they feel you will buy anything. And I want to enlighten women, like it’s not like even now. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this. There’s now this new surge of AI accounts and the bodies are.

Dr. Sonia (11:18)
Yes, yes, yes.

Kwavi (11:20)
The fake bodies, they’re not bodies that exist. Like these are women that is, you know, you tap on the computer and you create this body that does not exist. And these women are in there, they’re like 68, 69, and they show them. And it’s like it’s obvious that it’s not real. But they’re selling products, though. They’re selling products. And and they’re like,

Dr. Sonia (11:34)
It’s not real. Yeah. Yeah.

Kwavi (11:37)
you want this what I do for this is my routine. And if you want this, click on this link to purchase this. And these accounts have thousands of followers. Thousands of comments.

Dr. Sonia (11:46)
They have that’s and you’re sitting there going,

I don’t think this is a real person. Like I’m looking at it going, like first I’ll

Kwavi (11:52)
It is not.

Dr. Sonia (11:53)
look and I’ll be like, that looks great and then I’ll be like, Mm, something doesn’t look right

Kwavi (11:56)
Okay, right.

Dr. Sonia (11:57)
here. And you look closer, you’re like, This doesn’t look like a human being.

Kwavi (12:00)
No, they don’t respond to comments.

The only thing they respond is when you you hit is like a many many chat thing. You put in the keyword and they send you the link. But they don’t respond

Dr. Sonia (12:07)
Hmm.

Kwavi (12:09)
to and the women are like, I need to do this, I’m gonna look like you if I do this. They don’t exist. How could and and women

start feeling bad about themselves because of that? Like, my goodness woman’s in her sixties, my I gotta go work out. I’m like, that that is the messaging is wrong. It’s wrong.

Dr. Sonia (12:24)
So attainment,

like something that’s not attainable once again. We’re on this treadmill and not like in a fun treadmill trying to get healthy, but on this

Kwavi (12:31)
No, not a fun one.

Dr. Sonia (12:33)
like more like this chickmunk treadmill where you can’t get off and you’re trying to

Kwavi (12:36)
You’re kind of.

Dr. Sonia (12:37)
look and be something that you’re not, you know, and at the same time not sell it’s almost like they maybe they put gray hair on the person,

but they put a 20 year old body and they stick a gray hair on it and then

Kwavi (12:49)
They do. yeah, they do. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (12:51)
they’re like ta da.

This is what you should you know, you should

Kwavi (12:54)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (12:54)
be attaining, right? and it’s almost like erasing all the things that make us amazing.

Kwavi (13:00)
That is it. Like we’ve gotten to this age because of all the things that we’ve been through. I don’t

Dr. Sonia (13:05)
Yes.

Kwavi (13:05)
care what that is. It’s like that what that’s what makes you you right now. So let’s celebrate all of that. We don’t want to disregard that. We don’t want to erase any of that. That’s part of who you are.

Dr. Sonia (13:18)
It’s so true. I love this conversation. This is so good.

Kwavi (13:20)
I know.

Dr. Sonia (13:24)
Okay, so this is a direct question and it’s along the lines that we’ve been talking about. But there’s so much messaging telling women that we as we age we become less visible, less desirable, or somehow less relevant. what do you think that women need to unlearn? Like, what do we need to unlearn? Like I I feel like I haven’t learned it, so I don’t have to unlearn it, but

Kwavi (13:48)
That’s true. Okay, that is true. and that’s a see, I love that you said that

Dr. Sonia (13:48)
I think that

Kwavi (13:52)
because some of us learnt that. And so, but the ones that haven’t, what do they do? They have to learn that you know you are enough. Like, why are you choosing to believe that you’re not? Like, where is that coming from? Like, let’s really you know, investigate that. Like, you are enough just the way you are. Like, you can’t be a younger person. Because I know a lot of women they lock into how they look and their bodies are changing. Okay, your body’s changing.

So what are your body changes? You are here. You know what I mean? You’re here.

Dr. Sonia (14:19)
Yeah, and rock that

body. Like you know, I try to talk to women about their bodies and like it’s it’s not about perfection. You know, while you’re over here thinking you can’t have sex with your partner because you have a belly or something like that. They all they want to do is rub that belly. All they wanna do is get on in there and have some fun with it, right? But we’re so

Kwavi (14:36)
Thank you. It’s part of your body. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (14:40)
busy like, no, I can’t do this unless I have a flat belly. You don’t have a flat belly for so many different reasons, which is like maybe you gave birth.

To a beautiful human be like the creation

Kwavi (14:51)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (14:52)
of life. How great is that, right? Maybe

Kwavi (14:54)
What’s that?

Dr. Sonia (14:55)
you don’t have a flat belly because there’s estrogen storage going on, right? For preservation. Maybe Yeah.

Kwavi (14:59)
Thank you, like mine. I don’t care about the flat belly anymore. I’m like, I’m done. Like, listen,

we have to celebrate where we are right now.

Dr. Sonia (15:06)
Celebrate where

we are and the shape that we have. I mean, I’m all for getting healthy. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t get healthy. Get healthy. Do what you

Kwavi (15:11)
That’s it. I that’s different. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (15:14)
want to do. But also celebrate the body that you have because

Kwavi (15:18)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (15:19)
it’s an amazing body. And and yeah.

Kwavi (15:21)
my goodness, has brought you this far. Think about it.

Dr. Sonia (15:24)
So like we get to say I think part of this is and I’m quite sure that the that you have this in your family too, but I have very vibrant women in my family.

Kwavi (15:33)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (15:34)
You know, my mom, unfortunately, she passed away last year, but like up until right until the end, she’s very vibrant and live and energetic and doing her thing and independent.

Kwavi (15:44)
That’s the that’s the whole idea. That’s what we need. The vibrancy.

Dr. Sonia (15:47)
Yeah. Yeah.

And just laughing and and mischievous, you know, like I’m like, well, hey, we know where it comes from, Sonia. And my grandmother my grandmother actually passed like the month before my mom. My mom is very close to her mom. And

Kwavi (16:04)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (16:05)
her her mom lived to like a hundred and three, like and running around up the up the hill at the shops, like doing all sorts of

stuff, right?

Kwavi (16:14)
see, this back to basics. People I need to lock into that because

Dr. Sonia (16:17)
Yeah.

Kwavi (16:18)
we have moved so far away from that and we’re just trying to find all these things outside of us

Dr. Sonia (16:24)
Mm.

Kwavi (16:25)
that we need to go back to the basics ’cause they had the right idea. Like

Dr. Sonia (16:27)
Yeah. Well, let me

tell you something that I think I’m out here in Minnesota, right? And I’m in the suburbs of the Twin Cities area. And we have like a fabulous where where I live is a fabulous like mix of all different cultures, people from all different cultures, right? And so I see people like Southeast Asian like walking around, like every evening taking family walks and things like that. And I see women from Africa, like there’s this woman that goes.

down this huge huge hill and if she’s like seventy or eighty, she’s going down this huge hill and back up this huge hill and ’cause there’s like a community garden. Like so she has to walk like three miles to get to this community garden. And then she like packs up all the stuff that she grows.

She sticks it on her head and she goes up this hill that nobody like and like somebody in their 20s could not walk up this hill and now she’s got this thing on her head. And I think to myself, yes, there’s something that we have lost because this woman is so strong and healthy and will live long because she’s like she’s in nature, she’s touching soil, she’s living a life, she’s creating something amazing.

And she’s not afraid to like the rest of us, we gotta get in our car, like to drive over. And she’s got a thing on her head and she’s going up the hill like do do to do. And I’m

Kwavi (17:51)
Exactly.

Dr. Sonia (17:51)
just like, Wow, you know what? Yeah.

Kwavi (17:54)
It’s

yeah, that’s I mean that I just I thank you for sharing that story. That just warms my heart. And it’s interesting you should say that. We recently moved, maybe three years ago, and one of the things I told my husband, I said, Wherever we move to, I need to be able to walk to the grocery store. I

need to be able to walk to places because

Dr. Sonia (18:09)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kwavi (18:11)
I am tired of always getting in my car to drive to places. You know?

Dr. Sonia (18:13)
In the car. It’s so true. That I’m

the feeling the same way too. Like I was telling my partner that up until I came out to Minnesota, like I lived in neighborhoods where I walked everywhere. Like that was just whether I was in the States or in England or wherever, I was walking

Kwavi (18:30)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (18:31)
everywhere. And then I switched over to the suburbs. And suburbs are very convenient, but one thing

Kwavi (18:36)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (18:37)
you don’t do in the suburbs is walk.

Kwavi (18:39)
True. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (18:40)
You know, you

don’t even walk to your mailbox. You’re like, Can I get my car and make it that quarter of a block to the cause I can’t, you know. So I think part

Kwavi (18:49)
You know? Yeah. So I’m with them. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (18:53)
of it is like the joy of movement, the

Kwavi (18:57)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (18:57)
joy of our body, the joy of all of it, right? Yes. Yes,

Kwavi (19:01)
Yes. Because our bodies crave movement. Our bodies desire movement.

Dr. Sonia (19:06)
so good.

Kwavi (19:07)
Yeah, I love that. And I don’t really love that story that you shared because I’ve been thinking a lot about my I call them my West African aunties.

Dr. Sonia (19:15)
Mm-hmm.

Kwavi (19:16)
my dad’s from Nigeria, my mother’s from Togo. So I say, you know, my West African aunties

And what they did back then. Like the things when and I think back to like you know, when I was from ’cause I was there from eight to sixteen and I think back to when I would watch them. Like some of them I was think it was interesting. I was on my drive today, I was driving today and I just thought

I was thinking about one of them and they said, She was so buffed. And I’m like, But she wasn’t like she was going to the gym. She was doing things that involve, you know, lifting and like you said, carrying things on her head and doing that. But I remember watching and I’m like, Listen, this is the kind of person you want. If someone tries to get you, that’s my auntie. I’m gonna pull up. My mom, auntie, pull up, let’s go. Because she was buffed and she was strong. You know.

Dr. Sonia (20:00)
Yeah.

Kwavi (20:01)
think about, you know, what she did to maintain that between her sleep and things that she was eating and, you know, the

Dr. Sonia (20:07)
Mm.

Kwavi (20:08)
movement and all that was just basic things that they did to maintain their health in that way. So

interesting.

Dr. Sonia (20:15)
So I’m so

glad that you talked about health because one of the things that you’re passionate about that I happen to know is women becoming their own health advocates, right? And I think that that is so important as well. And I’m a physician and but there’s so much that we don’t learn. We learn like the book learning, but there’s

Kwavi (20:34)
Mm, yeah.

Dr. Sonia (20:35)
so much that that

still women need to advocate for themselves, you know, because like a lot of the research is not done on women and especially

Kwavi (20:44)
Yeah, thank you.

Dr. Sonia (20:45)
when we’re in midlife, a lot of people just go, you know, that’s kind of menopause, perimenopause, postmenopause. That’s just how it’s gonna be, as opposed

Kwavi (20:50)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (20:53)
to really listening to what women have to say, right? So what does being an empowered health advocate for yourself, what does that look like?

Kwavi (21:03)
So for me,

it looks like when a doctor tells me something and there’s that voice in me that’s like, Mm, that doesn’t sound right, like ask more questions. Don’t

Dr. Sonia (21:14)
Yes, yep.

Kwavi (21:15)
feel that, you know, we you know, he or she said that I just have to take it, even though there’s a part of you that wants to say more. Say more.

One of things I like to tell my clients too is journal all your information, like what’s happening to you. Because

Dr. Sonia (21:27)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kwavi (21:29)
sometimes when you go to the doctor, you know, you don’t remember everything. And so being able to have a journal and share, like this is what is happening to me. And

Dr. Sonia (21:33)
No. Right. And it’s

important information that the doctor needs to hear. And

Kwavi (21:41)
Yes.

Dr. Sonia (21:42)
you you don’t have to sit there like like twenty minutes into the conversation, you remember something. Like you have it all right there and you just can list it all out

Kwavi (21:49)
Wow.

Dr. Sonia (21:52)
and and give them like the best shot of figuring out what’s going on with you as well, right? Yeah.

Kwavi (21:57)
Yeah. And and also too, being

able to know when it’s time to just say, you

know what, this doctor’s not the right doctor for me. I fired one of my doctors. I’m like, nope, this is not working for me. Like you can do that. Give yourself permission to do that. And I think

So many times people see doctors as, you know, in this on a ped they put them on a pedestal and think, well, everything they must say must be right. But this is the thing though. You as an individual, you know your body better than anyone else. I don’t care who the doctor is, the health expert, you know your body better than anyone else. So when you’re speaking about what you know about your body and they dismiss you, then you need to find someone else. Like seriously. Like find another doctor.

Dr. Sonia (22:37)
You know, I mean, obviously I love doctors so I think they’re amazing and

There’s an e there’s like a doctor for each type of person, right? Like

Kwavi (22:44)
Number earth.

Dr. Sonia (22:45)
it’s not the same type of like sometimes you have the straightforward, matter of fact doctor that’s just gonna lay it all out and boom. And that might work for some people. Other people need it said a certain way or a different way, or you know, need the nuanced aspect of things. Some people like need a doctor that’s going to parlay with them, you know, talk

Kwavi (23:05)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (23:05)
back and forth and and and make a decision together. You know, so there’s all different there’s as many different

types of doctors as there are types of people out there. And it’s okay.

You know, and like I am what, I don’t even know, I’d like nine, ten years post menopause, right? And

And in that period of time, different things have happened with my health. And and I knowing as much as I do in terms of being a sexual counselor and reading up on the information and things like that, I still I I was on a long journey to find the doctor that was right for me to help me with my HRT and things like that. Like there’s not one person that

you know, and and so it’s okay if you get if you need to advocate for yourself.

It’s okay if even if you love the doctor but maybe they’re not like hearing you or or what you want is not what they think, you know. It it is okay to find a different doctor. And and you’re doing a service to them too. Because

Kwavi (24:02)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I yeah, I agree. Yeah.

But I also think too, you said something that’s so true. Like one of the things I tell my clients is even if they’ve had a long standing relationship with their doctor, for instance, L B G Y N doctor helped them bring their babies into the world, that doctor might not be the same doctor for you as your entermenopause.

Dr. Sonia (24:25)
Yeah, that’s definitely

Kwavi (24:25)
And also too.

Yeah. And the other thing too is not all doctors are supportive of certain treatments. So if you have a doc if you want HRT, for instance, and your doctor is not in support of it, you’re gonna have to find out because your doc that doctor isn’t in support of it. So you’re not gonna be able to get the support you need from a doctor that’s not aligned with that. So you have to also look at all of that and make a an informed decision based on that. And so I tell women, it’s not permission to do that. It’s okay if ’cause I think sometimes

I’ve heard lots of my clients say, Well I feel bad I’m like, What do you feel bad about? You feel bad about taking care of your health? Like, that should never be a question, you know.

Dr. Sonia (25:06)
know, but I think that at the core of like how we are trained to be women in this culture, people are pleasing, right? And

Kwavi (25:12)
Yes. Mm,

Dr. Sonia (25:15)
And focusing on other

Kwavi (25:16)
big parts.

Dr. Sonia (25:16)
people’s needs more so than our own. And so I love how as we age we lose the estrogen because in

Kwavi (25:24)
Ha ha ha.

Dr. Sonia (25:24)
some ways like it makes us more able to be like, wait a minute, like I gotta stand up for myself and do what I need to do, you know. So like

Kwavi (25:32)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (25:34)
Think like we’re less as concerned about people pleasing as we get older in all different areas of our lives, right? If we I think that if we don’t release the people pleasing side of things as we get older, we don’t meet our f like our our full capacity as who we could be as people, right?

Kwavi (25:53)
Well

Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (25:55)
I

feel

like if that’s the case that we only get so far because we’re so focused on is this gonna be good for somebody else? Is as somebody else gonna approve of this? Are

Kwavi (26:02)
Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (26:03)
they gonna like what I’m gonna do? Right? whereas at some point in time you just gotta be like, okay, what is it that I am? Who who is the person that I get like you didn’t come here to live somebody else’s life, right? It it it’s your turn, it’s your time, right?

Kwavi (26:16)
Well you did. Yeah. So true. It’s so true.

Dr. Sonia (26:22)
So let’s talk about menopause.

Kwavi (26:24)
All right.

Dr. Sonia (26:27)
Talk to me about what is the main thing that you want every woman that is perimetopausal, menopausal, postmenopausal to know. What is it that you’d like us to know?

Kwavi (26:36)
One thing is silence is not the answer. Like let’s speak up. Like stop thinking that it will just go away. Like it just doesn’t just go away. You need to speak up. You need to find a solution. Because I speak I do a lot of TikToks at lives and I speak

Dr. Sonia (26:50)
Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Kwavi (26:52)
with women and they’ll tell me all that things are going on and I I

Most of the I’ll say, So have you spoken to anyone about that? They’re like, No. I’m like, Why are you suffering in silence? Like there are options for you. And I know some like and some of them will say, well, I don’t want to use HRT. I’m like, Do you know how many other options are available other than HRT? They come up with

Dr. Sonia (27:10)
There’s definitely yeah, yeah.

Kwavi (27:12)
so many different solutions every single day. Like things are coming

Dr. Sonia (27:15)
We are actually in

the in the middle of a menopause revolution. Like, do you see renaissance

Kwavi (27:20)
Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (27:22)
that’s happening? And it’s so beautiful. Like, it’s just everywhere, everybody’s coming out with different

Kwavi (27:24)
It is. I know. Everywhere.

Dr. Sonia (27:28)
options. Yes, there’s HRT and that might be perfect for some people,

Kwavi (27:31)
yeah.

Dr. Sonia (27:31)
but there’s localized estrogen and it there’s other things,

Kwavi (27:33)
Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (27:35)
there’s testosterone, like there’s different options that are out there. and you

Kwavi (27:39)
What is it?

Dr. Sonia (27:39)
get to find it. And once again, we’re just learning.

To use our voice. And so it it’s

Kwavi (27:46)
Yeah. Sure.

Dr. Sonia (27:48)
okay, and also like one of the best things we get to do in this work is to give them permission. Like the fact that you’re saying to her, it’s okay for you to talk about this, it’s okay for you to like raise your hand and say, Hey, I’m having issues with this, right? So you are empowering women as you do this work.

Kwavi (28:02)
Yes. yeah. yeah. I’m like, talk about everything. You’re not

getting if you you’re d dry down there, talk about it. Little talk about it. Let’s talk about it. It hurts. Talk about it. All of it.

Dr. Sonia (28:12)
Talk about it. Let’s talk about it. It doesn’t feel the same. Let’s talk about it. Talk a hundred percent.

We like we should not be having pain with sex. Unwanted pain with sex is just not not what we need at all.

Kwavi (28:23)
No. No. It’s not fun. It’s not I mean, it’s you

know it hurts. You get tears. Like, no, we’re not doing that. Yeah.

Dr. Sonia (28:31)
Yeah, no, infections, no. We no,

absolutely not. And also if you haven’t been getting the pleasure that you want, now’s the time. Now’s the time to like say, hey,

Kwavi (28:40)
Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (28:42)
look, I ain’t doing this shit if I’m not getting what I want. Right.

Kwavi (28:46)
Thank you. Like why? Why are you doing that if you’re not getting what you want?

Dr. Sonia (28:50)
But then it also requires that you tell people what you want. Right. So

Kwavi (28:54)
That’s so use your voice and ask for what you want, you know?

Dr. Sonia (28:59)
Alrighty,

let me see. I’m gonna say I have got a couple more questions here. okay, I

Kwavi (29:02)
Yes. Okay, dude.

Dr. Sonia (29:04)
talked to a lot of women potentially having another thirty years ahead of them.

What changes when a woman stops thinking my best years are behind me and starts asking, What do I want to create for the next thirty years? Like how can they make that transition? ‘Cause there’s so many women out there that think once I hit in my fifties and definitely my sixties, I’m gone and it’s it’s over. And I’m like, hell no. Like, do you see these titties at sixteen?

Kwavi (29:31)
Exactly. Like yes.

my goodness. Like think about like a la I I tell my women in my in my my community, I’m like, what are you dreaming about? Like I want you to dream big, like all out there. Like what is it that I want you to be all in in on your life? Like you’ve done it for other people so many times over. So

Dr. Sonia (29:48)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Kwavi (29:51)
let’s do it for you. Like just allow yourself to just think about what it is that you want, something different. It’s available to you. And like you said, rightly said, you

Thirty years like

This is the thing. For everyone who’s 15 and over, you have more or less lived more than half of your lifetime already. So what do you want to do with the next part? Like what

Dr. Sonia (30:08)
Yep. Yes.

Kwavi (30:09)
is it? Like let’s let’s come up with some so many different ideas. One of the things I tell my women too is I tell them, what is the bold adventure that you want to think about? Like think about a bold adventure for your life. Like, you know, just tackle them one at a time. If you want to do more than one, that’s fine, but just think at least one. Something that excites you. Like you wanna be able to wake up in the morning excited.

Because you’re like working on this.

Dr. Sonia (30:32)
Can you can you give us some

examples of some bold adventures that you have helped women with?

Kwavi (30:39)
Okay, so you know,

sometimes it’s and some some of them are really simple things. Like some women they just want to start working out again. They’ve never worked out in their lives or they did it when they were much younger. And now they’re working out and they’re feeling themselves. Listen, you walk differently when you start to work out. I’m telling you, it’s like just little things

Dr. Sonia (30:55)
Yes, that’s true.

Kwavi (30:56)
like that. And just how they feel, they see themselves in a very different way. Some

Dr. Sonia (31:01)
Mm.

Kwavi (31:01)
of them just wanna go back to school and start com

Completely different, you know, different careers. Like that’s

Dr. Sonia (31:06)
Yeah.

Kwavi (31:07)
it. Some of them are moving out of r just giving them permission to rethink whether the relationship they have is the relationship they want. You know? Some of them is just dating again. Like, okay, you know, I’m going on a date and you know, we’re scripting all these different things of how it’s gonna you know, what you wanna do, what you wanna wear. Like it’s exciting. It’s an exciting time, you know?

Dr. Sonia (31:25)
It’s fun. Yeah. Definitely.

Okay. Now let’s see. I want to end with two things. First, what do you want every woman listening to believe about herself by the time this conversation on this podcast ends?

Kwavi (31:41)
Mm-hmm. All right. I want you to believe that your past it pales in comparison to your future. Pales in comparison to your future. Like your

Dr. Sonia (31:51)
So good.

Kwavi (31:52)
future, my goodness. It’s like it’s gonna be exciting if you allow yourself to even go there. Like it’s so possible for you. And some of you are thinking, not me. Yes, you. It is

Dr. Sonia (32:00)
So good. Yes, you.

Kwavi (32:03)
possible for you. Yes.

Dr. Sonia (32:08)
And

second, where can people find you? What do they what do you have coming up that you love for my diamonds to know about?

Kwavi (32:16)
Okay. So first of all, I want to thank you, Dr. Sonia, for this opportunity. Really, really appreciate being able to speak with you. And this was fun. We can go on and on and on. This was

Dr. Sonia (32:24)
Okay.

Kwavi (32:27)
this was fun. But I am mostly on I I spend a lot of time on TikTok. So my TikTok handle is Quavi underscore TV, so K-W-A-V-I underscore T V. I’m also

Dr. Sonia (32:37)
Okay.

Kwavi (32:38)
on Instagram on the same handle.

Dr. Sonia (32:41)
Okay.

Kwavi (32:42)
And in terms of things that I am doing right now, so I am hosting a live event in Atlanta on the twenty seventh of September called

It’s called the three things. And it’s really learning the three basic things that we need to go back to in terms of our health and how we show up. Because I think we live in a society now where we are being bombarded with all kinds of products or we need to purchase, we need to do this, or we need to do that. And you know, you have to do this protocol, or you need to buy this powder, you need to get this patch. And I think that if we don’t have the foundation, all of that’s not really gonna matter. It won’t. And so I want to help women come back to themselves where they’re like

Like focused on the foundation first, and then you can add those other layers if you want, but I think the foundation is so important. So we’re gonna have that. We’re gonna have my husband who’s a physician is gonna come and talk also and do a little QA session. So it’s gonna be a lot of fun. You know, there’s gonna be dancing, there’s gonna be good food, and it’s gonna be just a nice vibe for women in their 50s and beyond. And so that’s one thing I’m having. The other thing I’m having is I’m doing a retreat in Thailand in November. I know it’s gonna be so much fun. I love my retreat, I love to do retreats.

I’ve done a number of them. And it’s just nice to be able to get women to move away from their, you know, their normal, you know, life situation, whether it’s you know, away from the spouse, away from the pets, away from the kids, away from the parents, away from the job, and just be able to focus on themselves. And for a lot of women, they some of them have never done that before. Like even to travel without, you know, family and friends, most of them have never done that. And so being able to just go somewhere.

And be pampered. You don’t have to think about anything. It’s all about you, from when you arrive until when you leave. And it’s just

Dr. Sonia (34:30)
I love that.

Kwavi (34:31)
it’s just a beautiful it’s just a beautiful seven days and six nights where all you’re doing is think about what you want to do for this next chapter and being able to map it out. So yeah.

Dr. Sonia (34:43)
Good. Alrighty. Okay. And we will make sure that we have all of your links in the show notes so people will figure out how they can connect with you. Thank you so much for being here, Clobby. You’re just obvious.

Kwavi (34:52)
Nice, thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Sonia (34:56)
If we have to do this again.

Kwavi (34:58)
Yes, we do. We we

definitely have to. And and thank you, Diamonds, for listening to this. I really appreciate all of you. Yes. Yes.

Dr. Sonia (35:05)
Alrighty, thank you so much.

Kwavi (35:07)
Thank you.