Ep #228: Your Mood Ring is Trying to Tell You Something About Your Libido

Dr. Sonia (00:43)
You are listening to the Midlife Sex Coach for Women podcast, episode 228. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Hello, hello, hello, Diamond. So good to see you. So good to be here. Well, let’s get started today. So how are you all doing? I hope you’re all doing well. Last week, we talked about not tonight, and I wanted to talk a little bit further about that. So let’s go ahead. So how are you all?

And how are you all really, how are you all doing? So not the polite answer, not that I’m fine, not the, it’s going well, but actually how are you doing? What would be your real answer? So I’m focused on how are you doing, how are you feeling, because today we’re talking about something that might just change the way you understand your libido forever. And it starts with something a little unexpected.

mood rings. Yes, I said it, mood rings. I’m not even sure how many of you even know what I’m talking about. But if you grew up when I grew up, you remember mood rings. They were like these cheap metal rings that had like this colorful center to it. And it was kind of glass or something and you put it on your hand and based on your temperature, it would tell you.

about your emotions and how you’re feeling. And it was based on the color that the ring would change and it was supposed to align with your mood. So purple meant passionate, blue meant calm, black meant something was wrong with you or the ring. Now don’t get me started about that since I’m a black person. I always have issues when black is always correlated with the negative, but we’re not going to get into that today. Today we’re just going to be talking about mood rings just in general.

So what if I actually told you that you do have a mood ring and it’s not on your finger, but it is your libido. So think about this. Come along with me on this ride today. Your desire, it’s constantly responding to your emotional state, not just your hormones and not just your partner, but your entire internal

System your entire internal experience your entire internal set of emotions that’s going on, right? So not tonight. It’s not something that’s random So let’s talk about this that moment when your partner reaches over and you feel this immediate reaction then not tonight, you know and Here’s where most people think that this means I have a low libido That something is wrong with me that I’m broken that I should be different

But what if not tonight, isn’t about something being wrong with you and it’s not a rejection for your partner? What if it’s actually information? What if it’s your body saying, based on everything that’s happened today, I did a calculation and this is not the moment for intimacy. What if that’s actually all that is going on here? And let’s think about this. This makes a lot of sense, right? So let’s make this real.

and kind of a little fun, right? Because if your libido had a mood ring color, what would it be? And this could be so much fun. This could be really expressive, right? Bright red could mean I have 47 tabs open in my brain and none of them are about sex right now. Or maybe soft gray. If I lay down, I’m gone. Don’t even try. No, maybe it’s dark green. ⁓ I’ve been taking care of everyone

else today. Please don’t ask me for one more thing. Maybe it’s yellow. I could maybe get there, but you’re going to have to help me a little bit along the way first. Maybe it’s orange. Okay, now we’re warming up. This might actually happen. You have a chance here. Maybe it’s pink. I feel connected. I feel safe. I feel like myself. I feel in my body. I, you know, this might go somewhere, right? So

Now tell me, what color have you been living under lately? If we put a mood ring on your hand, what color would this mood ring turn? If this were a libido mood ring, what color would it actually turn? So here’s what I want you to understand, Diamonds. Your libido, it’s not a light switch. It’s not an on or off switch and nothing else in between. It’s a responsive system.

It’s constantly asking, it’s constantly figuring things out. Do I feel safe? Do I feel supported? Do I feel connected? Do I feel like myself? When the answer is not really, then your body is gonna respond and it’s gonna say not tonight. And that’s not a punishment and it’s certainly not failure, but it is protection. So think about that, right?

So here’s where things can get a little tricky because most of us are taught that desire just has to show up, that it’s spontaneous and it shows up easily and effortlessly and you’re just like, whoa, in the mood, right? And if it does not show up that way, then something must be wrong. But in midlife, your body’s wiser than it used to be. Your body’s going through a lot of emotional and hormonal changes. Like there’s a lot going on.

And your body might be like, ma’am, I need more information before we proceed. And that information, that is your emotional state. Your body, your brain, everything needs to know, how are you doing? How are you feeling? Are you feeling connected? Are you feeling connected to your partner? Are you feeling connected to yourself? Like that’s the baseline. How are you doing? Right? So instead of saying, why am I like this?

Why do I never want sex? What if you shifted that question? What if we asked and said, what color is my libido mood ring right now? Because this question can change everything. It removes judgment. It invites intimate curiosity. And you know, I love that intimate curiosity, right? What color?

is my intimacy mood ring? Like this is the kind of question you could ask yourself. This is where the shift happens. Not by forcing desire, not by scheduling it, not by increasing the frequency, not by pushing through, but by becoming curious. Curious about your emotions, your energy level, your physical and emotional needs in general.

Because when we start to understand the color of our libido mood ring, then we begin to shift. Not all the way. It’s not going to go from gray to flaming hot orange and red. least not overnight. Maybe they’ll jump one shade at a time. You know, just up a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more. Right? Kind of like an erection sometimes.

So let’s make this simple. So if you’re in the gray zone, what helps you feel rested or feel supported? If you’re in the green zone, which is kind of like the mid between the dark gray all the way up to the red. So if you’re in the green zone, what helps you feel less resentful or overwhelmed, more connected? And if you’re in the red zone, which is you’re just about there, you’re ready to have some good fun. What helps you close even more tabs?

in your brain, right? What allows you to shut down all the things that can be taking your attention away so you can focus, get in your body, and enjoy yourself in this process, right? We’re not talking about jumping into intimacy. We’re talking about shifting into intimacy, right? Back in the old days, you would like shift your car. You had different gears and you could shift, you know, was it a manual or was it an automatic? Most things now are automatic once again.

We’re so focused on spontaneous and easy and stuff like that. But if we were going back to the manual side of things, then we would be like, okay, this might just take a little bit more work and that is not bad. That’s not a problem. So if we’re shifting forward into intimacy, we just focus on shifting into a higher level of energy emotionally, like feeling just a little bit better, right? Because…

Desire, we already talked about this, it does not coexist with pressure and anxiety. If you’re feeling pressure and anxiety, you’re probably upping your brain thinking about something. And that’s not gonna bring you back down into your body where you’re much more interested in sexual intimacy. So focus on your feelings, focus on shifting and rising to another level emotionally and getting your libido to kick in.

Don’t forget to give yourself permission. So the next time you hear yourself say, not tonight, just pause. And instead of shutting down, getting defensive or feeling guilty or any of that things, just listen. Listen to what your body might be saying. Maybe it’s saying, I need connection first. I need rest. I need to feel myself again.

And when you listen and then you proceed to meet those needs, not tonight can shift to maybe a little later. Or let’s take this a little slow and see how it’s gonna work out. Come a little bit closer, let’s see how this goes, right? So it shifts from absolutely no, no way to it’s possible. And then you can make another shift, right? So this is how intimacy changes.

And it changes not by fixing libido, but understanding it and working with it, understanding and recognizing, identifying your emotions and what you’re feeling and naming that emotion, right? Naming, I’m a little tired or exhausted or a little anxious that this might happen. Like have the words, name it, have the conversation, right? It’s about working with what you got right now.

respecting where you’re at and creating the conditions to shift into the next level. This is how we actually show up. So this one is a shorter one today and I just want to spend a minute talking to you.

this is exactly the kind of work that we’re doing inside of the collective. We put on our mood rings. We have Mondays, which are mood ring Mondays. And on Mondays, I check in with everybody in the collective. I’m like, hey, how’s it going? How are you feeling? As we start this week, especially on a Monday, what does it feel like today? And then throughout the week, you can gauge your emotions, gauge your mood, gauge your interest in sexual intimacy. But we do this as a group. We check in.

What’s going on with you? How are you feeling about things? What are the odds of intimacy happening around now? What would you need to do to shift that intimacy? Like these are the questions that we ask in the community, in the collective. And so ⁓ we’re not just talking about desire. We’re talking about how to create that desire. We’re learning how to understand our bodies and shift our emotional state. We’re learning how to reconnect with ourselves and to create the intimacy that actually feels good.

And right now, I’m to have a little quick preview. The collective is evolving. We’re building something deeper, more substantial, more structured experience with foundational teaching modules that will guide you step by step through this process. So you don’t have to guess anymore. You don’t have to wonder why is this happening and what do I do next? You’ll have a place to learn, to understand, to ask questions.

and to grow at your own pace. So I’m super excited, all the changes that are happening. And this month of May is our transition time. all the shifts and change are happening in the collective, I just want you to understand that…

It’s going to look different. It’s going to have modules inside. We still have the Q &A and we still have the pajama party, but we have other things that we’re adding in as well. And this is this time of transition. This is a great time to get in at the price that we have, the investment that we have right now, because as of June 1st and as we roll out the newer version of the collective, the investment is actually going to be going up. So just so that you understand that between now and June 1st,

We do have it at that price of $355 that investment of $355 per year, but it is going to be going up after that, just so that you’re aware of that. Okay, so today, my diamonds,

I want you to ask yourself one question. What color is my mood ring today? And instead of judging it, get curious because your libido isn’t broken, it’s just speaking to you. And you can start to understand it with your libido mood ring.

Look at it, figure it out, listen to what your body and your mind, what your libido is saying to you, understand what the mood is. And when you start listening, everything begins to change. Okay, I will see you next week. And we have some great podcasts and interviews coming up in the next couple of weeks. This is gonna be phenomenal. Okay, Dr. Sonia out.