Ep #205: Taking Action-The Key to Owning Your Sexuality

Hello, hello, hello. How’s it going? I’m so excited to have you here. Welcome to the Midlife Sex Coach for Women podcast episode 205. Cannot believe that. So today we’re going to be talking about something real, something raw, something so damn necessary if we’re truly committed to improving sexual intimacy in our lives. All right, let’s get into it today. Okay, here we go.

Stop masturbating on your thoughts and feelings and take some fucking action. Take some action. Yes, I said it. Yes, I know a lot of you sit and listen to me and I love that you’re here, but I need to be real with you. We need to start taking action as well. I said it and this is what we’re going to talk about today. So, so many of us, especially in midlife, we’re spending all our time in our heads. We’re analyzing, we’re intellectualizing.

We’re reflecting, we’re journaling, we’re meditating. We’re reading one more book or one more blog or watching one more TikTok to figure out what it is that we need to do with our lives. Maybe one more Instagram post. We are so if-thening ourselves and we tell ourselves, once I have better thoughts, then I’m going to take some action. Or maybe it’s once I feel more confident, then I’ll take some action.

I love this one. Once I change my mindset, then I’ll take action. I’m a coach. I love mindset, but we have to be as committed to taking action as we are to changing our mindset, right? Once I’m in the right mood, then I’m going to take action. And meanwhile, nothing changes because you haven’t taken any action. Even if you have the best thoughts in your mind, if you haven’t taken any action, you haven’t really changed your life.

Our sexual intimacy doesn’t improve. Our pleasure doesn’t expand. Our relationships don’t deepen. And because we’re masturbating with our thoughts and feelings instead of doing something, like masturbating with our body, right? We’re waiting to be ready. We’re working on getting ready. We’re focused on feeling ready. And we’re essentially working on the thought-feel loop. So what exactly is this thought-feel loop?

Let’s talk about this loop for a second. So thoughts create feelings. We know that’s true. And feelings drive actions. Yes. And actions create results. Not thoughts directly going to results, but thoughts have to go through action to get results. And that is true. But here’s where we get stuck. We think thoughts and feelings need to be perfect before we act. If I just focus on this a little longer. We need to feel good and content and ready before we act. And that is the trap really, when your brain is scared, when libido has been dormant, when intimacy feels awkward or vulnerable, when self image isn’t fully healed, thoughts and feelings won’t be perfect. They just won’t be. So listen to me closely when I say this…your thoughts

and your feelings will not magically become perfect and comfortable before you act. They shift because you act and you need to act before everything is perfect. So not the other way around, Your thoughts and feelings will not magically become perfect, comfortable before you act. They shift because you act, not the other way around. This is something very important to know and to understand.

So why do actions matter for intimacy? When it comes to sexual intimacy, you can reflect and journal and listen to podcasts and read books about you while your pen dries up and your battery dies. But you will not become a more sensual, intimate, confident woman by thinking just thoughts. That’s not how it’s gonna work. You can become by touching your body with curiosity.

Scheduling intimacy with yourself and your partner. asking for what feels good. Saying no to what does not feel good and exploring new desires. using your toys instead of hiding them, Making pleasure a non-negotiable. These are all the things that are actions that will make a difference for you. Showing up even when you’re feeling awkward.

rusty insecure, or scared. That’s what moves the needle. Your brain is always going to tell you, I will act when I feel confident, because it deals in safety. And that’s its number one priority. But confidence and safety are not prerequisites. They are actually the results.

So if you’re focused on waiting for confidence and safety to magically appear, then you’re never going to be able to take action because the only way to create confidence and safety is through actions. That’s how you do it. You take an action and then you see, ⁓ I didn’t die. it wasn’t so embarrassing that I couldn’t do this. But up until that point, it gets to the point where you just have to take the action. So nothing in your sexual evolution

Change is faster than when you do something you weren’t doing before. And you usually have to do it before you’re ready. So when you self-pleasure, you feel like a woman who prioritizes pleasure. When you ask for foreplay, you feel like a woman that advocates for herself. When you initiate, so when you take action, so when you initiate intimacy, you feel like a woman who is confident and erotic. When you say yes to your desire, you feel like a woman who follows the truth.

So action is not just behavior, action is also identity building. So yes, we start with the thoughts and we go to the feelings, but we don’t keep looping around on the thoughts and feelings. We got to step into the action knowing that part of the work we do with our identity comes from action. So changing your self identity is the key to everything and action is a part of changing that self identity. So every time you act, you teach your brain

I am the kind of woman who takes care of her intimacy and pleasure. And that, that is where everything changes. You know what else changes everything? Energy. Your energy contributes to your new you and your new life. So let’s talk a little bit about energy shift as well. So here’s the other beautiful part. Action shifts energy. And when you do something,

Even something small, your entire system, your entire energy gets activated. Desire wakes up, sensuality wakes up, confidence wakes up, sexual identity wakes up, joy wakes up.

Sometimes is not that we’re not sexual, it’s that our sexual identity is asleep. And action is kind of like the alarm clock. It’s the thing that wakes you up, and it’s the thing that becomes so important. So real talk, sometimes we tell ourselves that we’re working on intimacy, but what we’re actually doing is procrastinating on intimacy through self-help, masturbation, or also what I call buffering. We’re spending hours thinking about improving intimacy instead

of living in the life where we are improving intimacy. And I say this with so much love, so much love for my beautiful diamonds and for myself. I’m not perfect. You deserve more than theory and thoughts. You deserve experience. You deserve a body that loves to get touched. You deserve pleasure that fills you. You deserve desire that flows through you. You deserve connection that nourishes you.

And all of that comes from courage to act. Yes. Thinking is important, but action is key. It is key to becoming the next version of yourself. So your takeaway for today is I want you to ask yourself very lovingly, very kind and compassionately, where am I buffering? Do that mental gymnastics. Where am I buffering?

with my thoughts and my feelings instead of taking action. And here’s an action step that you could consider for this next week. I want you to just choose one tiny action this week that honors your intimacy in your body. Choose one tiny action and then do it. We don’t have to get ready to get ready to get ready to do it. We just jump in and do it.

So it doesn’t need to be perfect. Things don’t need to be perfect ahead of time. You don’t need to think perfect thoughts. You don’t need to feel perfect feelings before you take this action. And it doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be performance. Just one step. Just one little accomplishment. Right? So that step builds your identity and the identity builds desire and the desire builds momentum. And all it requires is one little step.

You can do this. So repeating again, thoughts matter, feelings matter, mindset matters, but they can’t replace the doing. They can’t replace the taking action. So you’re not going to think your way into intimacy. You’re going to have to act your way into intimacy. You just can’t think your way into it. Action is necessary. It’s very necessary. So you’re going to have to become the woman you want to be.

and then you do it by acting and living like her now. So maybe not all the time, maybe just some of the time, just a little bit of the time, but it is through action that you get closer to being that sexual being that you want to be. So take actions, Diamond. Take small actions and then another. Let it shift your energy. Let it rewrite your sexual identity. Let it open the doorway to a

deeper intimacy, more pleasure, more connection than you’ve ever had, because you are so worth it today. Not someday, not next time. My beautiful diamond, it’s like right now, stay bold, stay brave, and keep owning your sexuality. And talking about owning your sexuality, I’m going to talk a little bit about that as well. So.

Before we wrap up today, I want to personally invite you to join me for my Own Your Sexuality Now weekend. It’s a weekend intensive. We do this online. I’m going to be having my next one on January 31st and February 1st. It’s a two-day online event. And now I know a lot of you have been waiting and asking me, when is the next OYSN online weekend event? And it’s actually here. I did it once at the end of…

24 and into 25. And now I’m doing it at the beginning of 26. So if you’re listening to this and you’re tired of just thinking about changing your intimacy, if you’re done spinning your head and you’re ready to actually do the work, I really, it’s committed women that do well in this program. Let’s step into your new sexual identity with the new year. Step into 2026 and step into your new identity. OYSN! which I also call it.

is for you. It’s a two-day online experience. We’re in a private Zoom room and we deconstruct your old stories that you’ve been carrying about sex, intimacy in your body. We identify that what’s not working for you anymore and we start to rewrite who you are as a sexual being. I can’t tell you how wonderful this program is. I love the women that are in it. Over the weekend they just change who they are and they

They take the steps that they need to make their life different. So we learn about anatomy. We talk about libido and how that can shift and change. We talk about intimacy and toys and my favorite, the sexual smorgasbord. We practice asking for what we want from a deeply empowered place. I love being in Own Your Sexuality Now! And the women come in and they connect and they have such a wonderful experience.

And because I want to reward you for taking action now instead of waiting until someday, if you enroll in Own Your Sexuality Now by Saturday, November 29th, then you’re gonna receive a free 60 minute private consultation call with me, Dr. Sonia. I love to connect. I want to be there for you. And we sit down and talk together and come up with a plan so Own Your Sexuality Now works for you. You have the consultation either before or after, but we work it.

and it works so well. So we look at your specific situation, your blocks, your desires, the next steps that you need so you can create this tailored plan for your intimacy and pleasure. And this bonus, it’s my gift to you for saying yes to yourself and to step out of your head and into action. So if your mind is buzzing right now and there’s a part of you thinking that this is for me, listen to her.

head to the link in the show notes or visit my podcast page at soniawrightmd.com to join Own Your Sexuality Now. And you will also get your free one hour consultation with me as long as you register by Saturday, November 29th, which is a Saturday after Black Friday. I wanna make sure that I give you an extra bonus around the Black Friday time. And I can’t wait to see you at OYSN. It is such a wonderful experience for women.

https://soniawrightmd.com/oysn-intensive/

I get to witness this version of you that’s on one side and then on the other side. There’s payment plans. Everything’s available for you. Okay, my diamonds. Until next time, keep choosing you. Keep choosing your pleasure. Keep choosing your sexuality now. And with so much love, Dr. Sonia out.