Ep #189: Embracing Our Masculine Energy

The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast with Dr. Sonia Wright | Embracing Our Masculine Energy

When my son, Julian, was just six years old, he made this fascinating observation and told me that I had 70% feminine and 30% masculine energy. It really got me thinking about the intricate dance of masculine and feminine energies within all of us – which is something that society doesn’t always understand but something I’d like to explore in this episode.

As I reflect on my Julian’s words and my own journey, I can’t help but marvel at how these energies evolve over time. Join me this week as I tie in another Tarot Card from the Major Arcana, The Emperor, to explore what masculine and feminine energies mean for personal empowerment and sexual expression.

Diamonds, would you like to embrace your masculine energy and use it to accomplish something? Perhaps become more assertive in the bedroom? I’m discussing how to give yourself permission to do so and by the end of this episode, you’ll have a better understanding of how to tap into your inner Emperor and create a life that’s authentically yours, both in and out of the bedroom. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
  • How masculine and feminine energies evolve over time and how they influence our actions and identities.
  • How to tap into the assertive side of you.
  • Practical tips on embracing your inner Emperor and creating a life rich with authenticity, pleasure, and self-expression.
  • Why you shouldn’t let labels stop you from getting what you want. 
  • How to harness both masculine and feminine energies for a more fulfilling life.
  • Why it’s important to demand your pleasure in midlife.
Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast with Dr. Sonia, episode 189.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, a little extra whoop today. Hello Diamonds, it’s Dr. Sonia. How are you doing? I feel like I should use one of my teenagers’ terms like this is giving excellent vibes or something like that except that they’re probably going to be like, “Please, mom, don’t. Please don’t. Just don’t, mom.” But anyway, I’m here in Minnesota enjoying life and wanting to talk to you.

And we have been using the arcana, the tarot cards, the Chris-Anne, the Light Seer’s tarot cards, kind of as a backdrop or a structure around which I process and talk about different ideas that come up a lot in people’s lives just in general and also as it comes to sexuality and women in midlife. And so we’re continuing this process and we are talking about the emperor. In some ways, people might say, “How does the emperor pertain to women?” And otherwise, I say 100% it does.

So I’m going to take you back 20 bazillion years to when my son was about six years old, Julian, my oldest son, I should say, Julian. And I was having this conversation with him and my partner at the time and he said at six years old, he 100% called it, he said, “Mommy, you’re 70% female and about 30% male.” And he said, “Mapa”, which is what he called my partner, his other parent, “You’re about 50% male and about 50% female.”

So it’s really interesting out of the mouth of babes, out of the mouth of little kids. They understand consensually this concept of feminine and masculine energy, which our society may not necessarily understand as much. That it’s not something where if you’re female, you’re all feminine energy, and if you’re male, you’re all male energy. So I wanted to talk about the emperor and our energy.

So let’s talk a little bit using Chris-Anne’s book on the emperor. It says the divine masculine, the authority, power, a natural leader, structure, strategic and analytical thinking, taking action, promotion. So those are some of the things that I’m going to be talking about. And when we think about those, we think in terms of where is the emperor in your life? Where is your masculine energy in your life? How does it show up? What does it look like? What is the percentage that you have?

As my son correctly thought about me and that’s when he was six. He’s about 25 now. So that was almost 19 years ago. And I would say probably, yeah, when I was in my 30s, I was probably more 70 feminine energy and about 30% masculine energy. And as I’ve gotten older, I’d say my energy shift has shifted to where it’s probably about 60% feminine energy and about 40% masculine energy. And it gets to shift, it gets to be fluid throughout time, and it gets to depend on who we are and what we have done in our lives.

I think for me I have more of a masculine energy, it comes naturally. I can remember being a younger child and just kind of looking at the world and thinking, I just had a different way of looking at things than a lot of my other friends that were girls. Let’s just say I was just from a very young age, I always knew I was going to be independent. I always knew the status quo in terms of the roles that were taught to me for women. And I was growing up in the 60s, 70s and 80s, but I knew at six or seven years of age, I remember looking around and thinking, women have a really bad deal in this marriage thing.

I mean I’m not sure if this is exactly what I want to do in terms of getting married. That was my little six/seven year old brain thinking, I’m not sure if this is exactly for me. I didn’t like the distribution of power that I saw, at least in the relationships that I saw. And I didn’t necessarily want anybody to control my life. So I’d have to say from a relatively young age, I had a fair amount of that feminine and masculine energy within me in terms of how I wanted to lead my life.

So I ask you, Diamond, what does that look like for you? What is your percentage of feminine and masculine energy? What has it been from a young age and what has it been throughout your life? And what about right now when you’re in your midlife? I was asking Dr. Kimmery what she thought her balance of feminine and masculine energy was. And she said that her balance was about 70% masculine and 30% feminine. That’s the energy that she feels.

Now, I want you to understand that when we’re talking about feminine energies and masculine energies, we all have those energies within us. This does not denote what your gender expression is. This is just internally how you feel and how you work with the different dynamics and the different energies in your life. So I am a cisgender female and I love looking beautiful and feminine. But within me I have a more of a masculine energy as well. And so you can look a certain way and you can feel a different way and that is completely fine. You get to be who you want to be.

So I do want to make it clear that when I’m talking about feminine and masculine energies, I’m not specifically talking along gender lines. I’m just talking about how you feel within yourself. And when we’re talking about the emperor, we’re talking about that divine masculine energy. As I mentioned before, it’s about taking action. It’s about the authority, that masculine energy, whereas we had previously talked about the empress, and that’s more about the nurturing, abundant, creative, pausing and allowing kind of energy.

And so you can see how they’re both necessary and they’re both in a certain balance. But if you find yourself more of a go getter or a pusher, somebody that’s really out there doing. Maybe you have more masculine energy than you necessarily have feminine energy. I know some women that are like, “There is no way in hell they ever want to be a parent.” I think being a mom, being a parent is one of the best, the most amazing. From a young age, I always knew I wanted to be a mom.

I didn’t think I necessarily wanted to be married, but I always knew I wanted to be a mom. And so being a wife was not something that I was particularly interested in, but being a mother and that nurturing, creative side, that, I always wanted to be a mom, and I am blessed because I am a mom of four kids. So I’m very lucky. One I biologically gave birth to and the other ones I didn’t. And it really doesn’t matter to me. It’s just my children came to me the way that they were supposed to come to me, and I get to nurture and love them no matter what.

So that nurturing and loving energy, that’s more of my feminine energy, the part of me that wants to go out there and go and be a kind of more aggressive side and do what it is that I want to do. That’s my more masculine side. And they both get to be within me without any issues. I guess that’s why I ended up in a field that traditionally has more men in it than women. It wasn’t as much of an issue for me. Radiology tends to be about 75% men and about 25% women. I have to say pediatric radiology has a little bit more women in it, but still radiology overall is kind of more of a masculine thing.

And I get to delve into more of my masculine energy, my logic minded area, which in some ways feels good and very comfortable for me. So women 100% have masculine energy within them. It’s not along gender lines, it’s just who we are and how comfortable we feel with expressing that masculine energy. And as I said, as I get older, I tend to express it more and enjoy it more. So, Diamonds. I have a question for you because I always have a question for you. Would you like to embrace your masculine energy and use it to accomplish whatever it is that you’d like to accomplish in life?

What is it that you have a goal to focus on in the next year or two? Would you like to tap into your masculine energy and be able to succeed at those things that you’d want to succeed at? That is kind of my question to you. And also give yourself permission to tap into that masculine energy. And if you’re not sure if you have that masculine energy, go on a search within yourself and see if you can tap into that masculine energy. See if it feels good to you, if it feels like a fit and if it does, you get to utilize it.

Becoming your own emperor means the infinite possibility of your success. You can harness that energy, that drive, that aggression for whatever it is that you want in life. So this becomes really important. And also to note that one is not necessarily better than the other. Your feminine energy is not necessarily better than your masculine energy, and the masculine energy is not necessarily better than the feminine energy. And we need to understand that both of those need to be there, it’s who we are. We don’t have to be 100% one way or 100% another way.

We just get to be who we are and we just get to express that. So we need to understand one’s not better than the other and you can have both your feminine and your masculine energy within you. And you can use that to accomplish whatever it is that you want to. Now, I’m going to shift gears a little bit because I’ve been talking about masculine and feminine energies and harnessing the emperor within you in order to accomplish what it is that you want to accomplish in life.

I’m going to shift that a little bit because I am a sex coach. So how would you like to harness that emperor inside of you? How would you like to harness that towards improving your sexuality, your sexual pleasure? What would that look like if you could choose to be a little bit more assertive, aggressive, go after what you want? First of all, Diamond, you need to know what you want. So do you know what you want in the bedroom? Do you know what you would be interested in?

That’s kind of one of the fun parts of all this is you get to use that part of you, the creative, abundant part of you, that’s the empress. And you get to pair that with the more aggressive getting things done part of you, that’s the emperor. So you have the creation and then you have the fruition, you bring them together and you create what it is that you want. So we’re talking about creating that sexual energy that you want and creating that sex life that you want. Do you want to tap into your, a little bit more aggressive nature?

What would that look like if you were a little bit more aggressive or even a lot more aggressive? What if you decided, fuck this, I’m going to tap into the emperor and I’m going to make everything that I want in my life come true? I don’t have to sit back and be somebody waiting for something to happen. I can 100% harness my energy and make it happen. What would that look like? I could 100% harness the energy. Of course, we always have to have a discussion about consent. So whatever it is that you’re interested in, maybe harnessing and expressing in the bedroom, if you’re engaging with another person, make sure that there’s consent involved.

But if you could do anything that you wanted and you had the consent of your partner to engage, what would that look like? What would you like to engage in? Would you be the initiator? What would that feel like for you? Would you be the one asking for your needs to be met? What would that look like? What would your needs be? If you gave yourself permission to let that more assertive side of yourself come out and to show up 100% as you with the feminine and the masculine side, what would that look like? Would that look like hopping on your partner?

Would that look like you being the one in control that evening or afternoon or whatever you choose to engage in sexual intimacy? It does not have to be at 10 o’clock at night. I think we’ve talked about that before. It could be at six in the morning. That was a song I used to love a long time ago. The song goes at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn.

So you could get assertive and tap into your sexual energy at whatever time works for you is basically what I’m getting at here. And you can do that by giving yourself permission to tap into that emperor part of yourself, the more assertive part of yourself that knows what it is that you want and what you’re interested in. And of course, as I mentioned before, consent also has to definitely be a part of this, and everybody’s over 18. That goes without saying, but I’ll still say it just to be on the safe side.

But if we are tapping into our assertive side, maybe that looks like asking to be pleasured in a certain way. Maybe it is asking for more clitoral stimulation. Maybe it’s asking for a night of multiple orgasms without penetration, just see what that is like. Maybe you’re the one that has the happy ending and then you roll over and go to sleep. What does that look like? Sorry. It gets to be whatever you would like it to look like. You get to tap into that part of yourself and you get to decide how you would like to express yourself sexually.

You’re in your midlife now, it doesn’t get any better. Well, it does, actually, it does. It continues to get better. As I’m heading to 60, I’m pretty excited about 60 and beyond and what that’s going to look like. I see so many women ahead of me in their 60s and 70s and they are dynamos, they’re amazing. And maybe they’ve already tapped into their emperor energy and they’re sitting on their throne in more ways than one, and they’re enjoying their life. And you can see them holding that power.

That’s what I love about midlife, women step into their power in midlife. They recognize that they can hold that power, they can sustain that energy and they can ask for what they want and they can go after what they want. And there’s no labels and even if there is a label at some point, you don’t care.

I was actually doing a summit interview today and we were talking about labels and how that stops so many women. But the interesting thing is labels, really it doesn’t stop men. They don’t give a- about what type of label that has been given to them. Oh my goodness, they’re too aggressive. There’s not too many men that think that’s a problem. Oh my goodness, is there an equivalent to words like bitch and slut and whore? And I was talking about this earlier. It stops us from being who we are meant to be.

But if we just were like, “Whatever, that is just a term and I don’t really care”, imagine what we could do with that. And maybe a little bit of our masculine energy that we harness from the emperor would allow us to do whatever we want. The emperor’s a leader. So the leader within you, what if you were the leader in the bedroom? Sometimes you’re in the mood to be the leader and get exactly what you want, and sometimes you’re not necessarily in the mood to be the leader and either way is fine, but you get to ask for what you want.

You get to sit on your throne of life. This is what I want all of my Diamonds to know and understand is that you have the power, the power is within your hand. You have the ability to create the life that you want. You have the ability to create the sexual intimacy that you want. It’s now, the time is now, Diamonds this is where we throw our hands up in the air and we’re like, “The time is now, I’m creating, I’m demanding, I want my pleasure.” That was paused for effect.

But I am serious in terms of now is the time that we harness our energy and we choose what we want in life. And our masculine energy combining with our feminine energy together create who we are and create what we want in our life. And so for those of you that felt that you could not embrace your more masculine energy, I give you permission, 100% permission to embrace that.

Because it’s going to be amazing what you produce when you embrace all of you, when you embrace all of your energies and you use all of your energy. Your nurturing, loving, kind energy, gets tied to your leadership, powerful, more assertive, aggressive energy when you combine those two together. And this is what happens when we’re in midlife. We tap into all of our power, our creative nurturing power and our ability to get shit done power. And we create the life that we want.

So the emperor is within you. It’s within all of my Diamonds, and you get to choose what percentage of the emperor is within you and what percentage you would like to express to the world and what percentage of that you would like to incorporate in your bedroom as well.

So that is what I wanted to talk to you about today, the emperor. And I’ll be checking in with Coach Lisa and we will be talking more about the emperor as well. And then we’ll see how that emperor energy will also work in relationships with Dr. K. Alright, Diamonds, it is a pleasure talking with you, as always. Alright, Dr. Sonia out.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.

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Sonia Wright MD

Hi, I’m Dr. Sonia Wright and I’m YOUR SEX COACH! I’m on a mission to end the pain and isolation associated with sexual difficulties and to help women create satisfying sex lives.

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