Ep #4: Cultivating Belief

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast, episode 4.

Female Announcer: Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, Diamonds, how are you all doing today?  I wanted to talk to you today about one of my favorite topics, belief. But before I get started, I also wanted to share with you a testimonial of one of my bright Diamonds. She’s a 72-year-old bright Diamond and when she started working with me, she had not been engaging in sexual intimacy with her partner for over four years. Here’s what she has to say.

“Over the past four years I have been searching for a professional person who would not only have the credentials but also know how to discuss sexual manners in a non-pornographic manner with the correct language, yet clear and precise. I felt like I needed to take a deeper dive into the continued exploration of my sexuality as I age. I found Dr. Sonia and had a consultation with her. That consultation call changed my life. I was so impressed with the information that I learned and I decided to become her client.

I continued my sexual adventure by combining individual sessions with Dr. Sonia, with her Own Your Sexuality Now course. Since then my sexual intimacy has been off the chain. Not only have I learned the anatomy and physiology of sexual pleasure, but I realize that I was created by the Divine to have even more pleasurable experience and a heightened sexual intimacy with my partner no matter what age. I have embraced and now embody all of me as a woman.

I have let go of the shame and guilt and all of my previous programmings about my sexuality. And my sexuality and spirituality are not separated. I am no longer in the dark. I am awakened. Dr. Sonia has provided the light for my continued adventures and joy, bliss and excitement on this most pleasurable journey. Thank you, Dr. Sonia.”

I love that testimonial and I love that Diamond and I wanted to share it with you.

So, on last week’s episode we talked about for-you sex, how the foundation of for-you sex is self-care and how you might need to do some mind work in order to prioritize your own needs and wellbeing above that of other people in your life. We talked about identifying your needs and communicating with your partner, but with an understanding that ultimately you are responsible for meeting your own needs and not your partner’s responsibility to meet those needs. But usually your partner’s willing to help out. Just saying.

We also talked about sexual care which often includes sexual pleasure, and getting to know your body. It’s very important to realize that you are your own best lover and that self-pleasure should be a part of your life in order to keep the pump primed and to get your body remembering what it’s like to be sexual.

Today I’m going to talk to you about a key element that is vital during this time when you’re figuring it all out. It is the concept of belief. You’ve taken the time to look at your starting place, to look at your current sexual intimacy situation. And maybe you have decided that you want the situation to improve. And then you ask yourself, improve to what? The next step is starting to envision your future. I love this part. What could your sexual intimacy in your life look like? What could it possibly look like? Maybe you want the frequency to increase, maybe you want to want to have sex.

Maybe you want to increase your desire or libido. Maybe you want to cultivate mad passionate sex. Maybe you’d like to incorporate a little power play in the bedroom or some other fun activity. You get to get creative and figure out what it is that you want. Have fun with it. Write it down, journal about it. Let your mind explore and be creative.

Now here is the important part, start feeling the feelings. Feel what it would be like to feel and to have that sexual intimacy that you want. Feel the contentment or the joy. Maybe you would be feeling the improved connection with your partner. Maybe the for-you sex version of you feels sensual and beautiful. Maybe she feels creative and energetic. Whoever that new version of yourself is, start to feel what that new version feels like. And start to feel it now. So when you’re doing the work of feeling the new feelings you’re actually stepping into your place of belief.

Yes, this envisioning is a form of belief work. It’s actually one of the best forms of belief work. So you might be asking yourself, what exactly is belief work? Well, let me tell you, it is the key to manifesting everything in your life. To create anything new in your life you must first have a seed of belief. You must have this tiny kernel of faith that things can change for you. That it can start out small. So it can start out small but you need to nurture it into a strong belief, a belief so strong that you can reach out and touch it.

Most importantly, you must have this unwavering belief, it’s so important in this process. And it often takes courage to believe in things that have not happened before. It takes a strong belief that your sex life is going to change and improve. So why do you need this strong belief? Mainly because this strong belief is going to carry you through the tough times. Let’s take a look at this as an example.

So when you’re a baby and you were just learning to walk you held the belief in your heart and your mind that you could walk. You didn’t exactly know how but you never gave up. You toppled over to the ground many times again and again but you got back up. There was a strong belief in your heart that it was possible for you to walk, so you figured it out. You tried different strategies. You scooted over to a chair and pulled yourself up. You got to a table and you walked along it.

You reached out and you held somebody’s hand and you walked. Eventually you let go and you walked on your own. You didn’t stop and your belief carried you through. It’s the same thing with improving the sexual intimacy in your life. You may try one strategy and that doesn’t work, so you need to get up again and try a different one. You can reach out to me while you’re on this journey and I’ll be there too, I’ll help you. But don’t waver in your belief that it can happen to you.

And I’m going to tell you a secret, something that I absolutely love about belief. If the thought is in your mind then you can absolutely 100% manifest the result. I’m going to repeat that again because I want you to understand this. If the thought is in your mind that you can improve your sexual intimacy, that you can have that amazing sexual intimacy that you want, then you can absolutely 100% manifest that result.

You’re never given a goal without all the tools you would need to manifest it. It’s just a matter of time before it transforms from a concept in your mind to a tangible reality. And the conduit is belief. That is the special source, that’s the secret ingredient. That is the it; it is the it that we’re all looking for.

So take the iPhone, at one point it was just a thought in Steve Jobs’ mind, now we all walk around with mini computers in our hand. And if you think about it, that’s pretty mind blowing. This is the same process for your dreams of a new sexual intimacy to come true. It starts with a dream which is fuelled by belief and then it’s brought into reality. You can definitely believe and create the sex life of your dreams. I see it happen all the time.

Let’s look at the Diamond that I introduced you to at the beginning of this call. She’s 72 years old when she started working with me. And she had not been sexually active with her partner for over four years. She wanted some connection with herself and with her partner. And in less than three months they were enjoying an amazing level of sexual intimacy. The secret was that she believed that it was possible for her. She didn’t know exactly how it was going to happen but she came to me with a seed of belief and we were able to grow it together.

I helped by giving a little water now and then, but she provided the seed, she provided that seed of belief. She provided the fertile soil, and the sunshine, as well as the daily watering of this belief, to allow the belief to sprout, and to grow into an amazing healthy strong sexuality and sexual intimacy with her partner. I loved working with her because she always had the belief that it was possible for her to be a sensual sexual woman in her 70s and beyond. I just loved her and I love that belief.

So, Diamonds if you have a seed of belief in you, nurture that belief. Identify the special for you sexual intimacy that you want. Feel the feelings and start on your amazing journey to become the sexual badass at any age. At any age, that’s one of my favorite things, becoming a sexual badass at any age.

Okay Diamonds, that’s all for this week.

And to celebrate the launch of the Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast I’m going to be giving away a $50 Amazon gift card to five lucky listeners who subscribe, rate and review the show on Apple Podcast. It doesn’t have to be a five star review, although I would really love it if it were a five star review. But more importantly, I want your honest feedback so I can create an amazing show that provides tons of value.

Visit www.soniawrightmd.com/podcastlaunch to learn more about the contest and how you can enter. I’ll be announcing the winners on the show in an upcoming episode. Okay, that’s all for now, see you next time Diamonds.

Female Announcer: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.