Bonus Coaching Ep #3: Revolutionizing the Coaching Industry

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, bonus episode.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, coach Diamonds, any type of coach that’s out there, this is for you. And Diamonds, if you’re not a coach and you know a coach, please let these coaches know about this. So my friend, Lisa Hadlestad and I are doing a podcast series on our new coaching program that is coming out and so we wanted to talk to you about it. It’s, yes, advanced certification in women’s sexual intimacy and it’s so good. So excited to be here and to do this with you.

So we wanted to tell you about the program and then we are going to be having a masterclass about this program and we’d love to invite you. And so we are going to be talking about that as well. But first of all let’s just start with just kind of overviewing this program and why we need this program. So the last podcast episodes that we did, first we talked about how our clients’ needs are not being met.

And as a coach in 2023 it is time to address all of your clients, not just a fraction or the area that you feel comfortable coaching in but figuring out how to get comfortable around the area of sexual intimacy so that you can coach your clients. Because I can guarantee you they have issues, especially if they’re getting into their 40s, 50s and beyond. These issues are coming up actually in their 30s as well and actually throughout their lifespan, let’s just be clear.

It doesn’t matter what age you’re in there is some aspect around sex and sexuality that is coming up that should be addressed. And we should be able to provide a container for this, a safe place for people to get coached on this and to feel comfortable being coached on this. So what we’re talking about here is the safe space that we are creating for coaches to do this work so that they can coach the entire client, holistically coach. And we’re talking about wellness. When we’re talking about wellness we’re talking about all aspects of wellness, which includes sexual wellness.

You cannot be a coach in 2023 and not be willing to address these issues. So because we know there’s a need we have created this program. I’m constantly getting coaches contacting me asking me, “Are you training? Are you doing something? Can you help me coach around this area and get more information?” But they don’t necessarily want a year or two year long program. They don’t actually want to be a sex coach. They just want to be comfortable coaching on this issue.

And so because I’ve gotten so many requests about that I reached out to Lisa. And I was like, “Lisa, we have to do this work. People are asking for it. And if we’re in 2023 and we cannot talk about sexual intimacy there is a problem here so we need to make a difference and do something.” So that’s why we created the YES which is Your Empowered Sexuality and it is the advanced certification in women’s sexing imaging, I’m a radiologist so [inaudible], women’s sexual intimacy.

Okay, so yes, we are here, we are revolutionizing the coaching industry. And let’s just talk about this program so let’s do that. Okay, so tell me, we’ve done this, we’ve worked on this together, we created this program together. So I’m just going to ask Lisa to tell us more about the structure of the program and just give us some basic idea of what it’s like.

Lisa: Yeah, for sure. So we have structured this so that it is spanning over 12 weeks. And we’re starting with a three day intensive.

Sonia: So good.

Lisa: Right. And so not all day, just so you know but we’re going to spend some significant time together right at the beginning to get you comfortable and to kind of take a deep dive into yourself, not just as a coach but as a human being that is a sexual being. And planning this intensive has been just so much fun.

Sonia: And intense.

Lisa: Yeah, fun and intense. Exactly. And it is, it’s an integral part of the program because getting to know yourself and getting to know your biases, both the ones that you’re aware of and the ones that you’re not aware of. That’s what shows up in coaching sessions all of the time. And we know this as coaches, mostly are the things that we’re not aware of.

And I think I’m going to speak from myself and other people that I’ve worked with and coached on intimacy around. We think we know all about ourselves as sexual beings until we really start diving in. And then it’s like, there’s so much more than me than I understood.

Sonia: Yeah, it’s really interesting. To engage in sex is one thing. To talk about being a sexual being and how that shows up in your life and your concepts around that and to be comfortable enough with your sexuality to then extend that envelope of comfort around your client to give them that safety. It’s amazing, the complexity that’s involved there that you don’t think you need until you try to open your mouths and talk about penises, vaginas, vulvas and the words do not come out.

Lisa: Exactly, yeah. So what else do I want to say here about the weekend? So we’re starting off on, actually we’re going to get you started before we ever meet for the first time with a video and a little workbook for you to dive into. So that when you show up on Friday the first night of our intensive you’ve already kind of got an idea of the shape of things. And then Friday, really Friday is going to be so much about having fun, getting to know one another. It’s an icebreaker, dipping your toe into the program in a way that’s going to feel really fun.

It’s going to feel like community, that’s what we’re doing, we’re community building and get you comfortable.

Sonia: And it’s in the evening so it’s not the full day on Friday. It’s an icebreaker dance party, kind of relaxed, get comfortable. You can bring your beverage of your choice and just relax. So that’s just to get to know and connect with people and just start to get that safe feeling in that environment to feel comfortable.

Lisa: Yes, absolutely. And we’re going to start asking people for give us your favorite music because we’re serious about the dance party.

Sonia: Yeah, definitely. I’ve got plans, I’ve got it all going.

Lisa: I can’t wait. So Saturday we are going to dive right into you as a sexual being. And I know that all of us know that we’re sexual beings but I don’t know, Sonia, I don’t literally think of myself as a sexual being. I don’t reference myself that way in life.

Sonia: As a sex coach I still have to remind myself that I’m a sexual being. So it never ends. It’s something that we always have to be cognizant of and ask ourself, how do we want to show up in this world? What experiences do we want to have in this world? Because if we just kind of leave it to the side and not being intentional then it doesn’t necessarily happen.

And we don’t spend time focusing on that aspect of us as a sexual being because society, on the one hand, society sells everything with the concept of sex, the nuance, they hint that there’s sex behind this or just outright body parts and everything like that. But at the same time, reality, they don’t really want to talk about sexual intimacy issues and what really needs to go into to create the sexual intimacy. It’s almost like it needs to be wham bam, thank you ma’am. And if it’s not then that’s your problem. Where do you go with that?

Lisa: Yeah. I mean I don’t know where you can go with that because it takes the personhood, the humanity out of sex and just it’s just the concept like you said of sex wrapped up and separate from ourselves as a human being. So we’re going to dive into getting to know yourself as a sexual being, where’s your starting point? Where are you right now? We’re going to also provide support because what comes up when we start noticing our biases, our fears, anything around sexuality, shame. The same shit that comes up in almost everything else.

Sonia: That’s really interesting. Shame about money and sex seem to be the hardest shames to deal with. I think shame is out there that you’re kind of willing to go to but when it comes to shame around sex it’s almost like a double layer of shame.

Lisa: Oh my God, you are so right, yeah, you are so right. So it’s really important to us, to Sonia and I to create what we call a zone of sexual safety which is going to be woven through this whole intensive weekend so that you have a place to get to know yourself and to be supported around shame. Because shame gets in our way, not only do we not talk about it or put it out there, we shut ourselves down from it as well.

Sonia: Exactly, yes. So we are going to explore shame. We’re going to be there for you and for each other and we’re going to do this work. So that’s what Saturday’s about. And then that’s during the daytime and then we have an optional Q&A session afterwards where you can ask Dr. Sonia and coach Lisa any question that you have. You can ask it any way you’d like to, by video, audio or by chat or you can send us an email ahead of time. But we are going to be there to talk and answer all the questions and get it out in the open.

Lisa: And so then day three of the intensive is going to be when we start pulling in the coaching, how to talk to your client about this, how to create a zone of sexual safety for your client. And this is important for we coaches because remember your business as an extension of you. And if you don’t know what your boundaries are of your coaching container of what you will and won’t coach on, that can turn into a mess in a hurry.

Sonia: Yeah, definitely, 100%, and to have an understanding that you can have boundaries. You can say, “I’m willing to coach around this.” Or you can say, “This is not an area that I’m necessarily comfortable coaching around and here’s some resources that are out there.” So we’re going to talk to you about the different ways of coaching and how to do this around sexual intimacy and the different things that are out there to help you, the different tools that are being utilized right now so that you’re familiar with it.

And then we’re going to have an optional evening event which is talking all about scenarios like what happens when your client comes and wants to talk about this. How do you address this issue? What happens if this comes up, what would you do in this scenario? So we’re going to have an evening that’s optional where you can come back after the day’s fun events and tense events and then come back in the evening and we’ll talk about scenarios. So that is the intensive.

We start it off because we focus on you as a sexual being, we’re doing that work and then we’re making that transition to your client as a sexual being. And you’re starting to create the coaching container for your client to do this work around sexual intimacy. So that’s the intensive. And then it goes into 12 weeks of weekly sessions.

Lisa: Yes. So what do we want to talk about here? I’m thinking that people might be really curious about what kind of topics.

Sonia: Yeah, so we’ll be just talking about some of the topics. And definitely we’re talking about where your client is, what their starting point is, what is their issue that they’re coming to you with. And sometimes it’s the beginning. When somebody says, “I’m dealing with this”, and you’re not sure how to even address it, let’s give you the tools to start addressing it. Let’s give you the tools to start talking about another person’s sexuality.

And the wonderful thing that I love about any type of program where you are learning more about sex and sexual intimacy, you’re learning it in regards to your clients but the information is always available for you. So throughout this program obviously we’re going to be talking and making sure that your client gets what they need and you have the tools to give them what they need. But we’re also making sure that you have these tools too. So your sexual intimacy actually is going to drastically improve.

So your partner may be having you sign up for this program and it’s part of your business. Does it get better? You get to work on sex and it’s a write-off too.

Lisa: Right. And it’s just the same, all of us went through one coach training or another. And in a really good model of coach training not only are you learning how to help people, you are growing all along the way and going through the same process that you help take your clients through and that’s you get to know your stuff at a cellular level.

Sonia: Exactly, yeah. So we’re going to be talking about libido. Libido is always a hot topic. This is, I guarantee you, your number one thing that you’re going to have some aspect of. Your clients’ going to come to you especially if they’re a woman they’re going to come to you with libido issues or one aspect or another in their life and how their life is affecting them. And how libido is affecting their life. So it does not matter what type of coach you are, libido is coming up in some way I can guarantee you.

And if your client doesn’t feel like talking about it, doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it, you’re missing out on a whole section. So we need to be able to address that. Anatomy, people don’t talk about anatomy so we need to go over female anatomy, male anatomy, intersectionality. We need to really cover anatomy so that we understand what we’re talking about. We’re not going to use euphemisms like “down there” or anything like that. We’re going to get to the nitty gritty and talk about these things. It’s all coming out. My vulva puppet is coming out, you might see Iris. Where’s Iris?

Lisa: Where is Iris? I saw the wishbone. We’re recording this in Sonia’s studio and it’s like a sex toy store.

Sonia: [Inaudible] work done. This is so good. But I totally like the tried and true. I try all these sex toys at one point or another. And I still go back to my favorite.

Lisa: Absolutely. Yeah, and we’re also going to be talking about things, of course like belief and mindset. Body image, such a big thing. We are moving into an age where our brains are wonderful and our thoughts are key to our experience of life but our body is, you may have noticed, a lot bigger than our heads. And it is in itself a storehouse of information, of wisdom, of sensuality, of everything.

Sonia: Yeah, and we have to tap into that. I tend to be the logical person out here and Lisa the embodiment person. So you’re going to get both sides of sexual intimacy which I love. And that’s another reason why I was like, “Lisa, just come, come and do this with me.”

Lisa: Well, I don’t know, everything I need is right here.

Sonia: We might need to cut this session short, [inaudible].

Lisa: Oh my God, okay, can you guys tell we’ve known each other for a long time? Okay, so another thing I was thinking of and I have heard Sonia say this so many times and I’m like, “This sounds delicious, it’s delightful.” The sexual smorgasbord, [crosstalk].

Sonia: The sexual smorgasbord is one of my favorite things. It is a list of about six pages of sexual intimacy acts all the way from holding hands to menage a trois and quatre or whatever you want, just an outright orgy. But you get to look at these lists and objectively decide, is this a yes, no, maybe, no, hell no type of thing. And we’re talking about consent here but we’re also talking about opening up our minds and seeing what biases and belief systems are underlying a lot of these things that are going on.

And so we go through six pages and it’s so much fun, yeah, so there’s six pages [inaudible] some comments, there’s so many things that can be said about this. But it’s one of the favorite things to do is to go through this list, open your mind and start having a conversation with yourself, having a conversation with your partners but also this is something where you will really get into the nitty gritty of sexual acts so that no matter what your client comes with you have some exposure to it ahead of time.

And you’ve gotten to this place where you can identify your biases or belief systems around a certain act and then decide if you want to keep that or if you want to keep that but be able to put and create a neutral place for your client. You can make your choices as to what you like to do and what you don’t necessarily like to do but you can also learn how to be in a neutral place for your client where you can be like, “Yeah, I’ve heard about that, alright, yeah.”

Lisa: Yeah. And I think, I mean I just want to say here and this is why this type of program, I mean there’s 100 reasons I can think of, of why it’s important. But when you’re talking about a neutral place, but I think sometimes as coaches we just assume, I can hold the space, I can be totally neutral on things. But again what we often fail to see because we’re just not familiar with it is our inner biases that are unconscious. And okay, so if somebody brings something up and you’ve never heard about it or part of your brain is like, what, who would do that and why.

You might be able to contain it to have a neutral demeanor and stay away from pushing on the edges but your biases, if you’re not familiar with them are going to be in play. They’re going to be in play.

Sonia: 100%, yeah.

Lisa: Yeah. And then, Sonia, well, when we’re talking about zones of sexual safety we’ve got to talk about trauma.

Sonia: We do, we do, we have to talk about trauma. And I’m bringing in a trauma expert to talk about this. Dr. Kimmery Newsom has got many years of trauma, she’s done her dissertation on it and she’s been a marriage and family therapist and a trauma therapist for almost 20 years. She is the one that is coming in to teach us about trauma, 100%, we need to talk about that. It’s something that we can’t just…

Lisa: And I think that that is part of why sexuality can be something that’s avoided by a lot of coaches is because we fear. It is uncanny how many people, because I work with people, have had some sort of sexual trauma.

Sonia: It’s true, yeah.

Lisa: And we can really feel out of our depth, if I go there is that going to trigger them? So yeah, just so happy that we’re addressing that area at some point.

Sonia: Yeah, definitely important. And then we’re also going to address toys because you know I love the toys. You can’t see but all around my studio there’s layers upon layers of toys everywhere. And I just keep getting more because I think it’s important for me to keep up to date with the toys on what’s available and to be aware of what’s available. So we are going to be talking about toys.

We’re also going to be talking about overuse with pornography. I don’t think pornography is necessarily good or bad. But some people may come to you and they have an overuse issue and they don’t know what to do. Obviously some people use the word, addiction as opposed to overuse. So you refer out to people for that but you can also start the conversation if you’d like to, at least be able to create that zone of safety so that somebody can even just say the words, “I think I have an issue that I need to work further on.”

And you may be the person that they trust because you’re their coach and otherwise. But maybe they’ve talked to you about money and they feel they’ve gotten to such a level of comfort with you that they don’t necessarily feel with somebody else. Then they can say, “And I think I also have an overuse issue with this.” Or it may come out. If you’re a money coach and you’re going through people’s budgets and you see there’s $300 on some porn site or something like that, or 1,000 or 3,000 or 10,000, you might need to be like, “Hey, what’s going on here? Is this something?”

So it comes out in different ways and when you don’t necessarily expect it, it might be there. So to actually have that coaching so you have a basis to start with is key definitely.

Lisa: Yeah, for sure and those things can come out in invisible ways too. I’ve had clients and I’ll be honest, pornography addiction or overuse of pornography has never come up. But again I think it’s because I wasn’t equipped to provide that zone of safety in that area for them. But a lot of times if I’m working with a client on their money beliefs or their business and how they use money. What will come up sometimes is things with partners like monitoring of their bank account or power dynamics and money.

And that can for sure, some of it, I’ve had clients say things like, “Well, I’ve gambled or I’ve overspent or something.” So pornography, yeah, another thing.

Sonia: Yeah, or just shame around pornography and thinking that there’s something wrong that they use pornography to get excited and aroused, yeah. And just being able to be like, “That’s not necessarily a problem. This is something that a lot of people use.” And being able to talk them through it and coach them on that. So definitely going to talk about all the toys and we’re going to add in a little bit of pornography as well.

And then we are going to get to a place where we are going to give you the tools to help your client specifically create a pleasure plan if that’s something that they’re interested in. So we’re going to give you that tool so if they’re coming to you and they’re like, “We’re really not having any sexual intimacy, I need to kind of think about how to do this, how to schedule something.” You actually will have a tool for helping them. So you don’t have to figure out how to do it by yourself, Dr. Sonia’s been doing it a long time to help people with intimacy issues and I will give you those tools as well.

And then we are going to go back into another weekend that’s going to be extra fun where we talk all about diversity, intersectionality. So we’ll be talking about a number of different issues all over a weekend or more of a day-long intensive. So we can get in a number of topics like male sexuality. We are going to talk a little about our men and sexuality. We’re going to talk about aging. We’re going to talk about couples, talk about sexual orientation.

So we are going to bring it all together on a number of different topics to make sure that we touch on those issues too. And if there’s something specific that you would like us to address we’re going to actually allow you to give us that information as well. And then the last session we’re going to be wrapping it all up. And so it’s 12 weeks, it’s not 10 years, it’s not a year or two. This is not, I want to be clear, this is not a sex coach training program. This is a certification in women’s sexual intimacy which allows you, it’s kind of an adjunct training.

It allows you to add it on to what you have and so that you’re comfortable addressing some of these issues. It’s not specifically so that you feel you’re fully trained as a sex coach. That definitely is a year long program to two year long program. Sometimes you need a place where you can go and get the information where you don’t have to commit. And you don’t want to be a sex coach, you don’t want that but you do want to have the tools and that’s what this is about.

Alright, and then we’ll have some bonus classes as well that will be available for you just to review on your own and we’ll just keep putting more of those in over time. So I’m pretty excited about this program.

Lisa: I am too.

Sonia: People have been asking for this program from me for a while now. And I’m like, “Okay, let’s do this. Let’s do this.” So we want to make sure that you know that our advanced certification of women’s sexual intimacy is coming. The first session is going to start March 31^st and we’re going to be having a webinar, a masterclass on this so you can talk to us and learn more about it. And just learn about what is going on with our clients, with coaches, with the coaching industry.

And so we’re going to be having a link in the show notes where you can sign up for that webinar, that masterclass so you can come and talk to us live. And then our next podcast is all going to be about questions that you may have about the program, but just coaching on sexual intimacy just in general. So feel free to send any requests that you have to admin@soniawrightmd.com. And we’ll make sure to address them either in this session next week or in the masterclass.

Lisa: [Crosstalk].

Sonia: Yes, I’m thinking as well.

Lisa: Beautiful.

Sonia: Alright. So it’s so good to see you and we will be back with another bonus podcast all about big questions. So make sure to send us the questions that you have. Bye.

Hello, hello, hello coaches, and I mean all the coaches. You are fabulous. Yes, you. You are fabulous. Okay, hear me out. You got the training, the practice, the experience and the knowledge. Your clients trust you and they know that you know how to help them but there is something missing, something very important and it’s not your fault. We don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no, no and we don’t talk about sex either. The coaching industry like society at large isn’t talking about sex.

It’s not providing thorough and comprehensive training on a significant part of our lives sex and sexuality, and this is a problem. We are all sexual beings. It’s part of our core identity. Sexuality is a basic human right. Your clients, no matter what they’re coming to you for, are coming to you as sexual beings. And let’s not forget you’re also a sexual being. Sexuality is an essential part of our lives but it’s not being addressed. It’s not even being acknowledged.

When we leave this intrinsic part of ourselves and our clients off the table in our coaching containers and conversations because we don’t think it belongs there, we’re uncomfortable, they’re uncomfortable. But what is all the result, what is the result of all this discomfort? Your clients can’t show up in their wholeness. They cannot show up authentically and you, you can’t show up authentically and in your wholeness either. You can’t help your clients holistically when there’s a piece missing.

It’s time, it’s time to overcome our inhibitions, our awkwardness, our reluctance when it comes to talking about sex. It’s time to lift the prohibition on talking about sex with our clients. It’s time to revolutionize our beautiful coaching industry and it’s time to take sex out of the shadows and bring it into the light of our coaching practice, no matter what we coach on. I’m taking the lead because I see the need. I am on a mission, this needs to change and I want you to join me. Let’s positively impact the sex lives and the overall lives of over 100 million women together.

My colleague, Lisa Hadlestad and I are hosting a free masterclass just for coaches where we’re going to unpack why all coaches, no matter what their niche is, need this training. How creating a zone of sexual safety for yourself and your client will transform your work with your clients. And how to unlock your full potential to be open, comfortable, confident and highly skilled in conversations with your clients around sex. You’re ready for this, I know you are, you’re ready to do this work for yourself and for your clients.

So get on the yes advanced certification of women’s sexual intimacy email list today for all the information about this webinar that’s coming up and for free registration. I can’t wait to see you all there. Coaches, let’s revolutionize this industry. Let’s go back to authenticity and wholeness, let’s take this into the future. Conversations around sex and sexuality are not optional, they are necessary. If you’re a coach in 2023 and beyond you need to be able to have these conversations. Come and find out how.

Get on our email list and find out all the information. Can’t wait to see you there. Take care.