February is Black History Month, and so this week, I’m discussing the topic of Black women and sexuality. As Black women, we have to look at how our bodies are policed, the labels we receive, and the stereotypes we deal with, so I’m bringing on one of my close friends who knows a lot about this topic.
Dr. Kimmery Newsom is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified family life educator. She joins me this week to talk about perceived ideas and stereotypes that Black women deal with, and what it means to own your sexuality.
Join us this week as we discuss these stereotypes that have us labeled as hypersexual and the impact colonialism has had on our views of sexuality. We discuss how generational messages affect the way we think about our bodies and sexuality, some of the things that have been detrimental to Black women in this area, and how to take ownership of your sexuality as a Black woman.
Are you ready to stop feeling shame and guilt around your sexuality and start tapping into more pleasure? Do you want to reignite the passion that’s missing from your life? I’m here for you, Diamonds! Click here to set up a 100% safe, non-judgmental strategy call together, and let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you. I can’t wait to talk to you!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- Some stereotypes we experience around sexuality as Black women.
- Why Black girls enter puberty with a sense of shame around their bodies.
- How colonialism has affected Black women’s sexuality.
- Why we need to be brave to own our sexuality as Black women.
- How, as Black women, trauma is woven into our DNA.
- The problem with labeling people and how it takes their humanity away from them.
- What can be overlooked in this work.
- How to focus on owning your sexuality.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Get in touch with me: Email | Website | OYSN
- Sign up for my mailing list and get The Busy Woman’s Guide to More Pleasurable Intimacy
- Ep #72: An Interview with Spicy Girl
- Ep #35: Interview with My 74-Year-Old Diamond Didi
- Dr. Kimmery Newsom: Email
Full Episode Transcript:
You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 76.
Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.
Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds. How are you doing today? It is so good to be here with you. I have something special for you today. We all know that February is Black History Month. And as we wrap up the month of February I really wanted to have a discussion about Black women and sexuality. And so, I wanted to introduce you to my good friend, Dr. Kimmery Newsom. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as certified in sexual addiction treatments, and also, a certified family life educator.
She was trained at the Kansas State University. And she got her doctorate in human development and family studies. And then she has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 17 years. And she’s also a professor and an educator. And she’s just pretty amazing. So, I wanted to have a talk with her about Black women’s sexuality and I’m always about this idea of owning our own sexuality. And since it is Black History Month I wanted to talk to her just to talk a little bit more about this. So let me introduce Dr. Kimmery Newsom and let’s have our discussion.
Hello, Dr. Newsom. It’s so good to have you here so I think I did an adequate introduction. Is there anything else that you’d like to add to that introduction so that my Diamonds know who exactly they are listening to?
Kimmery: Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much for having me on, it’s really a privilege to be here. I appreciate the work that you do and it’s really wonderful for just women in general. And I think that it’s going to be important for Black women to hear the things that we’re going to talk about today. But there’s one thing that I would add is that I have a consulting business as someone who talks to mental health as well as medical providers about being more culturally competent as they work with Black families.
And so, a part of this is Black women’s sexuality. And so, I think that’s important for people to know it as well that there is some experience in actually talking about these things with people who work with these women we’re going to be referring to.
Sonia: Great, thank you so much for adding that in, I appreciate that. Okay, well, let’s start talking about this. And where exactly do we start? So, one thing that’s on my mind is perceived ideas and stereotypes within our culture and within our society around Black women and sexuality, has us labeled as hypersexual. And it has us labeled as voluptuous. It has us labeled as what, what other stereotypes are out there?
Kimmery: Well, I think one thing that’s really important for us to consider is that the origin of those is the idea that the objectivity associated with women’s bodies and particularly the Black women’s bodies. And so, I think that those ideas come from that and society perpetuates those ideas in ways that are maladaptive to really understanding what it means to be a Black woman and to own your sexuality.
And so, the most difficult part of that or one of the difficult parts is that sometimes Black women own those things too and it makes it difficult for them to see themselves as anything other than hypersexual. Or to see themselves as anything other than an object for men’s sexual pleasure or women’s sexual pleasure.
And so, I think that if we can bring awareness to the fact that there is a disconnect between the reality and what people see as fantasy because that’s what the hypersexuality is. Then we can educate people on what it means to own your sexuality which is what you talk about significantly.
Sonia: Yeah. So, you brought up so many things, so many places that I kind of want to go with this. But I also want to go back to the origins of this stereotype. And when I think about it, I think of the origin starting with colonialism of Africa. And one culture coming in, the predominant European culture coming into Africa and kind of putting labels upon the culture and the way families were and the way people were at that period of time and kind of labeling people as savages.
And when you take people’s humanity away from them and you label them as savages then you can do things like take their property which obviously has been going on in the United States as well in North America. But if we go back to Africa and we’re looking at viewing various African traditions and cultures, maybe including dance, and polygamy and scant clothing in a place that’s 90, 100 degrees. But if you’re looking at that through the European lens then you’re going to add labels to people.
And promiscuity was probably, and hypersexual, and they had a different structure in terms of how things were done within the African culture and being labeled through the lens of the European culture. Then there was this concept that one, Africans are savages. And then two, this fact that they’re hypersexual. And also, when you start labeling people and you take their humanity away from then it’s easier to make them into slaves and to do things like, obviously they need their souls saved.
And so therefore if I get them into slavery then their souls can be saved but also they can be shipped to another world, the other side of the world and used for a monetary issues. So, when we’re talking about colonialism, and hypersexuality, and labeling, it’s a time where you’re labeling the African woman or the Black woman as hypersexuality. And the African man potentially as violent or sexually violent or whatever. So, these labels have been there for hundreds of years.
And if we’re looking at like now you’re mentioning now how Black women or Black people may take on these stereotypes and not even recognize it or not even question it. Yeah, it’s like there’s intergenerational shame that you don’t even know or understand. All of a sudden you’re like, “My body’s changing.” And I’m thinking a lot about this because I have a Black daughter and she’s 10 years old. And Black girls tend to develop earlier than some other groups, other races and things like that. And so, she’s getting curves and things like that.
And so how am I there to support her so she does not take on the shame that her body is changing and becoming a woman? And thinking that somehow that is a bad thing because society has said in some ways that Black women are hypersexual and stuff like that. I don’t want her to get that shame. And I think that it’s as Black women we have to look at how our bodies are policed as well. And as I look and see my daughter developing I realize that people will put labels upon her body. And it’s just naturally genetically how we are.
We have more curves, we have a figure in some ways. And that’s a beautiful thing. But then there’s all sorts of labels and stereotypes that are put upon this child and Black women in general which make us like we don’t even know and understand. But we start into womanhood with a level of shame, shame around our bodies, shame around sexuality. And we don’t even know or understand where it’s coming from.
And it’s like the stove that’s really hot, you don’t want to touch it. And so, you don’t necessarily get an opportunity to touch and explore your sexuality if you’re coming from a place of shame from the beginning.
Kimmery: For sure. And one thing that you mentioned, Dr. Wright is talking about colonialism and the need to be in control. And a lot of the damage that was done to women’s sexuality, Black women in particular was through the sexual assault and the rape of Black women’s bodies by slave masters. And I think that having that perspective that it’s intergenerational because Black women were taken advantage of in that way and taught that their sexuality was wrong. And that to be sexual beings meant that they would be harmed.
And so, if you put those two things together and you equate harm with sexuality then what do you do? You erase your sexuality and you create yourself into being someone who is either asexual and not necessarily in your heart but in practice. So that you’re not seen as someone who attracts the attention of someone who would harm you. And so, the origins are there. And then you talked about how people don’t really know that those things are within their conscious awareness. Sometimes it’s unconscious. Most of the time it’s really unconscious.
And so having an understanding of what that means and the intergenerational transmission of that because we do have trauma woven into our DNA. And that’s a topic for another time. But as we think about that, as we pass that down, you talk about your daughter. That’s something that you don’t want to pass down to her. And a lot of Black mothers in particular don’t want that to be passed down to their daughters. However, they also want to keep their children safe.
Sonia: Yeah, so that’s my priority, I want to keep my daughter safe. So how am I there to support her as her sexuality grows and she wants to investigate that? But also keep her safe from other people’s concepts and ideas about her body and who she might be? And wanting to keep her safe but also wanting to encourage her to explore whatever she wants to explore. And to allow her to have that ownership of her sexuality. It’s a hard thing because as a mother my first priority is keeping her safe and I jump from a place of fear.
And then I have to talk to myself and calm myself down. So yes, and as I sit here doing all this work there still is that intergenerational trauma that is woven into who I am. And that’s a thing that’s like I need to protect my daughter. I need to keep her away from sexuality but at the same time it’s wonderful and it’s part of who she is and autonomy. She gets to have her sexuality as she grows up. So yeah, it’s interesting as you talk about that it made me realize that yes, it is woven into my DNA.
And it’s really you want to feed your children, you want to protect your daughter. And so, the easiest way to protect her is to come from a place of making sex and sexuality fear based to protect her. This is not something you want to do. You’re going to get a bad reputation. People are going to try to take advantage of you. And these are messages that really have been passed down from generation to generation. And yeah, so part of the work we have to do is how to keep our children safe.
But even more importantly, how to create a society where we don’t have to worry about keeping our daughters safe. How to create a society where it’s not acceptable for people to prey on other people sexually or for whatever reason. That’s really ultimately what we should be discussing. But in the context of the society as it is right now, how do we allow Black women to own their sexuality, to appreciate who they are, to not to feel the shame that they don’t exactly know where it’s coming from.
And retreat from their sexuality because they’re concerned about that, that they won’t be labeled a good woman or that type of thing. But I’m also, I’m always going back to slave times. And when I’m thinking about this hypersexuality label and you said it from the perspective of there’s fear of harm. Also, for slave owners at the time it was good to perpetuate that concept of hypersexuality because honestly, there is monetary gain to be made from labeling a set of people, hypersexual.
And therefore, if they were to get pregnant you can blame them for getting pregnant but the child is also of monetary value. So, if we think about it, and always, always, if there’s going to be money involved and if there’s going to be some pleasure involved in some way it’s almost like the victim is screwed over. Because there’s more than one reason to perpetuate these things.
Kimmery: Yeah, for sure. And I think one of the things that’s important to mention too, as you talk about society’s role in this. I have a Black son and as we teach our children how to respect other people just in general. One of the things that needs to be taught is how to respect women, and their bodies, and what they choose to do with their bodies. And I think being able to have conversations with him as we grow and as he grows, and as he learns a little bit more about what it means to be sexual. I think it’s important to have that conversation in there too.
And so, when you talk about enslavement, I think about decolonizing your body. And a part of decolonization is the religious part that you talked about. And so, the purity culture is something that has been detrimental to Black women and their sexuality. Because it says that if you are sexual then you’re going against what God’s plan is when in reality God created sex.
Sonia: God created, yeah.
Kimmery: Yeah, He created pleasure.
Sonia: Yeah. And I love to say He created the clitoris and it only has one purpose. The clitoris is only for pleasure.
Kimmery: Yes. And that’s why in a lot of African countries where that colonization has taken place that there is female genital mutilation. Because the clitoris was created specifically for pleasure. And so, the mindset of some of those tribes and sine if those cultural norms is that you take away that sexual experience from the women because their job as you talked about was to reproduce. And so often it’s men in those cultures who are taking that away.
And some of the women in those African cultures also adhere to that because that’s all that they know. And so, through colonization, especially on the continent of Africa, we have to understand that that’s something that’s been perpetuated for generations and is not just perpetuated by the colonizers. It’s something that has been put into the cultures that exist within those different countries on the continent as well.
Sonia: Okay, that’s an interesting perspective and something to be aware of, we are policing ourselves. We are policing the female body within each culture and control. And then when you’re talking about your son and the greater society where we have to teach our sons about consent, and autonomy, and women having control over their bodies. And they get to say yes and they get to say no. And recognizing that all these aspects are important. And it’s essentially, I talk about the zone of sexual safety.
If we can make our society a zone of sexual safety for women so that it’s okay to own their sexuality, that they don’t have to worry about fear of being harmed in some way, fear of being labeled in some way. And if they’re just given the option to explore without all this other stuff that is on there. So, when I do this work, and especially, and I think you and I should get together at some point and do something specifically for Black women because I think that that’s something that’s important.
Buy when we do this work, allowing Black women specifically to own their sexuality I think that it is important to start from a place of what the thoughts are right now. What are the thoughts about sex and sexuality? What are the thoughts about stereotypes? What are the thoughts about their body? Those are important areas to look at. And then to look at it, to explore it, to kind of clear the slate, to wipe it clean.
And then ask Black women what they would like for themselves. How they would like to define their own sexuality, how they would like to explore their own sexuality. How they would like to be in this world without somebody telling them something about they’re hypersexual, their bodies are oversexualized. That they torque and grind or whatever that people say.
But just to wipe all that clear and say, “You are a human being. You are a woman, you have a body, what would you like to do with it? How would you like to explore? How would you like to define yourself? How would you like to define your sexuality?” Really give them the permission and the ownership to take it all back and to decide it for themselves.
Kimmery: Exactly. Autonomy is a huge part of this and having an understanding even of what your body wants. The work that you do, Dr. Wright, is allowing women in general and I think Black women in particular, the opportunity to reclaim that. And really to ask the questions in a safe space so that they can have an understanding that I can do this and this is something that I can take ownership of even if it’s been taken away through sexual assault, through commentary, through religious organizations, through religion within the Black family.
Because what people don’t really realize is that Black people are some of the most conservative people in our country and around the world. And so having conversations with daughters about you’re dressing this way so you’re being ‘fast’, which for some people who may not understand what that means. It means that you’re allowing yourself to be oversexualized by these boys which means that they’ll have access to your sexuality, or you will have to do what it is that they want you to do. Or it puts you in a position and to make a decision about how to keep yourself physically safe.
And so, policing the dress, policing the ways in which they present themselves in a societal context, in school, wherever it may be. Having the responsibility for their own protection and being able to kind of have these conversations in the context of the family is something that’s really significant too. Because it’s a protective measure. I understand that. In a lot of ways also it’s very restricting and it can be very oppressive too.
Sonia: Yeah. I think that this is a very important point and one that we need to as a group of people and within our culture is to come together and have this discussion. How can we be there for Black women to allow them that autonomy to decide for themselves? Because if we’re policing young Black girls from a young age, they’re starting from this point of fear associated with sex, fear of being labeled, fear of being taken advantage of.
And so, yeah, and then I’m working with some of them in their 30s, 40s, 50s. And there’s so much that has to be unwound, there’s probably a better word for it.
Sonia: Deconstructed, thank you, that’s one of those PhDs that you’ve got. The deconstruction that has to occur. I think I had that written down somewhere because I use that big word too. But seriously, yeah, the deconstruction of it all so that we can allow our children to have that autonomy as they grow into adulthood. And so that I witness a lot of pain and sadness that these women are dealing with.
Yeah, so if we can do that from the beginning and to allow them to have a different relationship with sex and sexual intimacy and with their bodies such that it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. It’s almost like in order to be good they have to be asexual. And we have to recognize that this is 100% a result of everything, the context in which we are living and growing. The fact that we have been stereotyped and labeled as hypersexual, the complete opposite of that is making us asexual, to be a good Black woman.
And there just has to be another choice, it’s not acceptable, it never was, it never should have been. And it doesn’t have to be now, so definitely, yeah.
Kimmery: Yeah, for sure. And one of the things too that comes to mind as I was listening to you talk is having an understanding too that there are some Black women who do own their sexuality. And they are labeled as ‘troublemakers’, people who are willing to say, “I love sex. And I’m going to have as much of it as I want to and with as many partners as I would like.” The goal is to be safe. You want to make sure that you don’t contract or pass on any STIs or anything like that.
However, there are women who love to have sex and they’re not sex workers. And so being able to have the freedom to do that and have the freedom to say, “I love having sex and I’m going to do it.” And not have the label that society puts on women, that you’re a slut or you’re a whore or any of those things, that they don’t put on men who have a lot of sex.
Sonia: Right, I love how – when I say love, I’m being facetious. But there’s 20, 30 words for a woman that has a lot of sex and I don’t think there’s even one word for a man that has a lot of sex.
Kimmery: Not a negative one.
Sonia: Not a negative one, exactly. But there’s a lot of negative terminology. We could come up in an instant with five, 10 words for a woman that has sex. And yeah, so our society really needs to change that. And we are helping to change that as we have this conversation at this point in time. There’s definitely more work to be done. But yeah, to normalize women’s sexuality. And there’s not such a thing as hypersexual, it’s just a person that’s sexual.
Some people enjoy sex, some people like to have multiple partners, whatever. Everybody is different and they get to choose whatever that they want to make. And it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with them. And it doesn’t mean that they are opening themselves up for violence and that it’s justification if something happens. That’s just not supposed to happen. Somebody’s not supposed to be raped or attacked in any way. We just say no.
If we felt safe, if women felt safe in general to explore their sexuality and to have it out there more so I wonder what the society would be like. If there was an honoring of women and allowing them to be sexual. From the beginning we allow boys to ‘be ‘boys’. Why can’t we allow girls to be girls? We just need to change the definition of what a girl is. It’s not sugar and spice and everything nice. There’s some sugar and there’s a lot of spice.
Kimmery: Yeah, spice can definitely be a part of it.
Sonia: And spice is a good thing, yeah.
Kimmery: Yeah. And the definition of spice, based on our society is not that of someone who owns their sexuality for sure.
Sonia: Right. But it is going to be. And actually, I’m laughing because I recently had an interview with one of my clients and we call her Spicy Girl. So, we get to claim who we are. And then also I’m thinking back to I did an interview with one of my clients called Didi. And she’s a woman in her 70s. And actually, if anybody wants to go back and listen to that podcast episode. I liked that episode because she really is talking about coming of age in the 50s and 60s and the things that she was taught.
And I think her father was a minister. So really having this concept that her sexuality belongs to her father till she gets married and then it belongs to somebody else. And now in her 70s, getting to that place where she’s exploring about her sexuality and actually owning it and making it her own. So, it doesn’t really matter how old you are or what’s going on, you always have the right to own your sexuality and to explore it.
But I think that that also gives a good conceptualization of an example of really what we’re talking about and how we have been trained from a young age, Black women, in terms of we don’t necessarily have ownership of our sexuality. And women in general, but I think within the Black culture and the context, that definitely there’s this concept that in order to be good you have to really be pure. You’re hypersexual or you’re asexual and you’re over here and you’re within the church and the religion. And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with church or religion.
But I am saying that if it shuts down our sexuality then it’s something that we need to look at.
Kimmery: Absolutely. And as I was listening to you talk about Didi, I was thinking, that’s the significance of the work that you do. It does not matter, your sexuality does not stop at a certain age and you can continue to explore your sexuality as you move towards whatever it is that your goal is or what you desire to have and be. And one of the things that you emphasize is you can make your life be whatever it is that you want it to be. And a part of that is what Didi is doing. She is seeking out the ability to have the sexual experiences that she wants to have even at 70.
And people put a cut off age, you shouldn’t be sexual, or they’re thinking about their grandparents, they have sex? Yeah. They can, they should. And so, people still have drives and they still have desires. And they should be able to adhere to those desires even in their 70s, or 80s, or however.
And one of the things that is really interesting in the work that I do is that a lot of assisted living places have outbreaks of STIs because everybody’s having sex with everybody. And so, people see the idea of the aged as not having sex drives when you can look at the data and see that a lot of the outbreak of those STIs happen because they’re having sex with the one man that’s there, or the three men or the four women who want to explore. And who want to do more, even after they may have lost a spouse, or a partner, or whomever.
And so, the exploration doesn’t ever have to end, it doesn’t ever have to end. And that’s significant work that you do and I think that that’s important for everyone to understand too.
Sonia: Yeah. I think it’s changing out there, even within nursing homes they are recognizing that people need intimacy time and they’re passing out condoms and things, so they have to watch out. It’s just like pneumonia, like an infection, take care. We don’t want pneumonia in the nursing home, we don’t want syphilis in the nursing home. We’ve got to do all we’ve got to do here. So that’s wonderful, when I see that I’m like, “Okay, things are changing.”
And then going back to Didi, I remember the day she called me from the sex toy store. She was so ecstatic and happy. She’s like, “Dr. Sonia, guess where I am?”
Kimmery: It’s so good, it is so good.
Sonia: Yes. So, we do get to do this work. Black women get to do this work and figure out how they want to express their sexuality. Now, is there anything else that we didn’t talk about that you want to touch on?
Kimmery: I think one thing that can be overlooked is sometimes the discomfort that we have within our own bodies. And sometimes that comes from being sexually abused and wanting to hide the body so that it doesn’t appeal to anyone. Other times it just comes from the fact that you hear societal messages about your body being wrong. And a lot of what we see as beauty, the standard of beauty in our society is thin white women. And a lot of Black women aren’t meant to have that body frame.
And so, when you’re not able to ‘achieve’ that body frame, then there’s shame that comes with that. There is the desire to hide what they really want sexually because they don’t feel their body fits the standard of beauty.
Sonia: Or become kind of have maybe the level of sex that they don’t necessarily want to have because they’re seeking external validation and approval. And so maybe they’re having sex with people they don’t necessarily want to because they’re feeling at least I’m getting some attention or I’m getting something. As opposed to focusing on just how beautiful their body is. It might be different from society’s norm. But society’s norm says that you should be a size two and 5’10, like the average American woman, white, Black or whatever is 5’4 and a size 14.
So that being the case it really is about looking at ourselves and recognizing this is our body and this is who we are. And we get to go through life either struggling about that or we choose to love ourselves and to recognize how unique and wonderful we are. And to go from that place when we’re focusing on our sexuality.
Kimmery: And the decolonization of the body also is a part of that. And one thing really quickly that I was thinking of too when you were talking is that in our culture when Black women do something that is sexual or is perceived as hypersexual they get labels or people are up in arms about it. But then when white women do it, the exact same thing, they’re seen as free and they’re seen as these models to kind of follow after and all of those certain things. And so even in that way their sexuality is taken away, is stripped away. Because that’s cultural appropriation at its best.
And so, we don’t have that freedom to be who we are and to show up as our full selves, including our sexual selves in a society that tells us our sexuality is wrong.
Sonia: Yeah. And listening to that makes me realize we just really need to be very brave in order to own our sexuality. There’s so much that’s going on there as Black women that it’s like you’re going against the norms of society. And then the labels that culturally have been placed upon you as well. And so, there is a lot that goes into saying, “Fuck this shit. I am here. I am on this Earth. I’m worthy and I get to explore my sexuality”, when there’s so many labels and so much that’s swirling around you.
It’s like other people, and concepts, and stereotypes are putting ownership on your body. And it’s almost like having to rip off all those labels to be free and to do what it is that we want to do. I see Cardi B. and Megan the Stallion. And I’m just like, yeah. Yeah, wet-ass pussy, let’s talk about this. People are like, “Oh.” And I’m like, “Yes, yes.” And this is just a woman exploring and discussing what it is.
Or I think about the Super Bowl with Jennifer Lopez that was done a couple of years ago. And when we’re looking at Latinx women versus if white women were doing the exact same thing, women in their 40s and Shakira and women in their 40s and 50s, we’re up there. There’s the Latinx women that are doing this at the halftime show for the football versus white women. There is a lot that was going around this just the same way that there’s a lot that Black women have to deal with.
So, I think that is important to recognize that this happening. That this is not something that we are just saying is going on. And luckily I think people are more aware now when you have this discussion versus even a couple of years ago because a lot has happened in the last couple of years in our society that has ripped the veil off of it. So that when people say, “Hey, this is what I’m dealing with”, in the past people were like, “Yeah, I’m not dealing with that so I don’t really think that’s what you’re dealing with. That’s what you think you’re dealing with.”
Now people are like, “Maybe.” Maybe they’re at least thinking well, maybe this is actually happening. But let me tell you, it’s happening. Yeah, it’s definitely happening. So yeah, so for everybody that’s listening to this call, yes, you all have ownership of your sexuality. And especially to the Black women that are listening to this call, to this podcast, 100% is your time, is your choice. You get to own your sexuality. You get to discover and explore. And you also get to let go of the shame because it was never yours to begin with.
It was society putting that shame upon you and I’m like, fuck that, get rid of that shame. It’s not yours. You didn’t ask for it. You don’t deserve it. Let it go. And there is a place for religion, and the spiritual path and that is there. And it does not necessarily mean that there’s anything wrong or bad in conjunction with that and being sexual in nature. Is there anything that you wanted to add, Dr. Newsom?
Kimmery: The last thing is that we must allow Black women to be the expert on their own lives.
Sonia: Thank you.
Kimmery: And in order for us to be able to do that, owning sexuality and defining it for ourselves is a part of that process.
Sonia: Yes. Thank you. So, if anybody wants to talk to you or get in touch with you, how can they reach you?
Kimmery: Yeah. So, my email address which is the best way to reach me right now is firstname.lastname@example.org. That’s D-R and then the word special and then K81@yahoo.com.
Sonia: Thank you, Dr. Newsom, thank you for coming. I really appreciate it.
Kimmery: Thank you for having me, Dr. Wright.
Sonia: Thank you.
Hey Diamonds, do you want to reignite the passion that’s gone missing from your life? Do you want to want to want it again? You know I’m on a mission to end the emotional pain and isolation that women experience associated with sexual difficulties. And many of you also know that I was once in that place where I was experiencing little to no sexual intimacy in my life. And I kept thinking that there was something that was wrong with me, that I wasn’t enough, I wasn’t attractive enough, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t smart enough to fix this problem.
And I was worried all the time that my relationship was too far gone because of this lack of intimacy. Well, you know what? I was right about one thing, the relationship didn’t last. But even though the relationship didn’t last I committed to doing the work that I needed to do to own my sexuality. And now I have this amazing sex life and it’s everything that I wanted it to be. And I’m also committed to helping my Diamonds by teaching them the same strategies that I figured out in order to revitalize the intimacy in their life.
So, if you want to stop feeling broken, if you want to stop feeling shame and guilt about sexuality, if you want to feel more comfortable with your sexuality and tap into that pleasure then I’m here for you, Diamonds. First of all, know that there’s nothing that’s gone wrong with you. You’re not broken. And you know what? You can solve your intimacy issues. You can let go of that shame and guilt, and you can tap into that passionate person that’s just waiting to come out. Let’s get on a strategy call together and let’s discuss how we can work together and how I can help you.
And know that a strategy call, it’s 100% a safe place, there is no judgment. We’ll talk about your intimacy situation, which is what’s going on right now. We’re also going to talk about your intimacy goals, what you would like your intimacy to look like in the future. And then we’ll talk about how we could possibly work together to come up with a personalized strategy plan for you so you can get the results that you need. So, Diamonds, I’m here for you, don’t wait another minute. Book that consultation call with me today and I can’t wait to talk to you.
You can get that consultation call by going to soniawrightmd.as.me. And the link is also in the show notes. Okay, have a great day. I can’t wait to talk to you. Take care.
Enjoy the Show?
- Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or RSS.
- Leave me a review in Apple Podcasts.