You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast episode 152.
Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.
Hey, hello, hello, hello, Diamonds. How are you all doing today? This is Dr. Sonia. As usual, I’m recording this in my basement studio early in the morning, just you and me and our friend, Lit Clitty that we’ve been talking about. We’re going to wrap up that series this week and we’re just going to talk more about enhancing your relationship with your clitoris. So we’ve talked previously about the clitoris and the vulva, and why it’s important to develop a relationship with it.
We also talked about what thoughts might be holding you back from having that relationship. What mean girl thoughts were keeping you away from your best friend. Finally, we’re going to talk about maintaining that relationship with your clitoris throughout your lifetime, because BFF stands for best friends forever, not for just a week or a month or a day or an hour, but forever. That means you guys get to be best friends from this moment on until you get into your 90s, 100s, whenever you pop off this Earth. But you get to have that beautiful relationship with your clitoris, with your Lit Clitty.
And if that’s the case, that you’re going to have that relationship, it’s going to require that you nourish this relationship with your clitoris. So let’s talk a little bit about that. How would you like to keep your relationship with your Lit Clitty strong, what would that look like to you? If you met somebody and thought that they would make the best friend in the world, what would you do in order to keep that relationship going? Maybe you would hang out with each other. Maybe you might call each other on the phone and visit quite frequently.
You might share secrets with your BFF that you wouldn’t necessarily tell anybody else, things that are close to your heart. You might go on vacation with them like a girl’s trip. Definitely, you’re going to go out to coffee or dinner with them. You’re going to celebrate their birthday or days that are meaningful to them. You’re going to buy them presents. Best friends forever means that you invest in your relationship with your best friend and it’s the same with your relationship between you and your clitoris, your Lit Clitty.
You want to make sure that your BFF never leaves you, whatever reason. Why would they want to leave? If you’re treating them well, they won’t want to leave. But if you neglect them and ignore them, send them mixed messages, send them text messages like, I appreciate you. And then your next message is I can’t stand your ass. That’s going to cause some confusion and at some point, they’re just going to leave. They’re just going to disconnect. You’re going to be disconnected from your best friend. We don’t want that to happen.
So with that in mind, what kind of long term relationship do you want to develop with your clitoris? Society says, essentially, that we should have a mean girl relationship with our clitoris. We should say mean things to it and about it, neglect it, not spend any time with it. We should treat it like a second class citizen. And if we focus on anything in our vulva region, then we’re supposed to focus on our vagina. But we’ve already discussed this and decided that that’s not what the plan is going to be.
So you get to be intentional about this relationship and developing this lifelong friendship with your clitoris. So each one of you, each Diamond gets to decide what type of long term relationship you would like to have with your clitoris. So here are some ideas that you might want to consider. And I like to think of it in terms of what would you do with your BFF, if you had the opportunity what would it be like? So Lit Clitty needs to know that she is important to you. That you’ll never let her go. That she’s your best friend.
And the best way to do that is to talk to her, to love her, maybe even to write love letters or journal about her. Whatever is it that you do, make sure she understands that she matters, that she’s important and you’re not giving up on her. If you’ve had any mean girl thoughts, let it out. Talk to her about it, journal about it. Acknowledge what happened in the past and also focus on that that is not going to get in the way of your relationship in the future, that you’re developing a different relationship.
You get to acknowledge the past and what your thoughts were and maybe where they came from. But you also get to focus on what you want this new relationship to be. Let her know that you’re 10 toes down for this relationship or maybe it’s more accurate to say you’re 10 fingers down. Whatever it is that you’d like to say, make sure she understands that this is forever. Also let her know as her BFF, that you want to spend quality time with her. You want to get to know her better.
What does she like? What does she not like? How does she like to be treated? These are important questions and things to know and can only learn about your BFF if you spend quality time with her. The health of your BFF also becomes important. Make sure and check that she’s got a great skin care regiment. If she’s postmenopausal, this may include localized estrogen. Talk to your gynecologist about this. Dr. Sonia is not your doctor, but this is more and more standard of care if you’re postmenopausal.
And to be clear, localized estrogen means that the estrogen supplement is localized just to your vulva and your vagina region, it’s not necessarily systemic, you can choose systemic options as well, but more and more people are using localized options. And most healthcare providers, if you go and ask for estrogen, they’ll give you estrogen for the vagina, but they won’t really talk to you about estrogen for the vulva. So it’s important to understand that your vulva needs estrogen as well.
If you put a pill in your vagina, it’s not going to really get to the external vulva region, so that’s something that may need some cream as well. So check in with you doctor about that. As I said, if she’s postmenopausal, her skin routine becomes very important. She needs to stay moisturized if it’s very dry. If you have the localized estrogen that also protects her from increased risk of urinary tract infections. So it’s not necessarily just sexual, it’s about the overall health as well.
So remember that for your postmenopausal BFF, you have to have each other’s back. And remember, she needs to relax. She needs to enjoy herself. So she’s going to need massages as well to keep her happy. So don’t skimp on the massages. Her love language is touch. She needs to be touched. She needs to be acknowledged and loved. And part of that is going to be massage. So if you’re enhancing your relationship, add the massage in there.
And finally, gifts are a very important part of your relationship with your BFF. It helps her to understand how valuable she really is to you, so I encourage all the gifts, these gifts may be in the form of vibrators or possible clitoral stimulators. Take her on a shopping spree to one of those wonderful boutique sex toy stores that are out there, they’re really beautiful, they’re just nice. They’re friendly, the people that are working there are very knowledgeable. Go in and have a day of it. Just enjoy yourself and treat your Lit Clitty to a toy, to a beautiful gift.
So there you have it, different ways to keep your clitoris happy, keep your Lit Clitty, your BFF, I’m quite sure there’s a lot more. And maybe I’ll end this podcast with asking you, what specifically would you like to do with and for your clitoris, your best friend so that she knows that she’s loved? Make sure to keep her healthy. Make sure she gets lots of massages. Give her lots of different gifts. Spend time with her, quality time is something that’s important. That’s the only way you’re going to get to know and understand your Lit Clitty.
She’s with you forever, don’t ignore her, spend time with her. Let her know that she matters. So, Diamonds, once again, don’t forget that this is your personal relationship with your clitoris. You get to make it exactly the way you want to. You get to give her, her own name. I use the name Lit Clitty because it’s fun. You can use clitoris, you can use an anatomical name. You can call it whatever you want as long as you have that relationship with her.
And you also get to encourage other women in your lives to have that relationship with their body as well. So as I say, you can call her clitoris. You could call her Lit Clitty. You could call her Cleo, whatever you want. You can call her Jane, whatever you want, go right ahead and call her. She gets to have whatever name. She’s your BFF. So good. Just remember that she’s yours. She gets to be a blessing in your life. You don’t have to have any shame around it.
Whatever you can do to replace shame with love, that’s really what this is about. You get to have that special unique relationship with her. So, Diamonds, I encourage you to spend time with your BFF, your Lit Clitty, your Cleo, your Jane, whatever, get to know her. Get to know her. Okay, Diamonds, Dr. Sonia out. I’ll see you next week. Lots of love.
Hello, hello, hello, Diamonds, have you heard the amazing news? Dr. Sonia, that would be me and my amazing team has started a sex coaching and life coaching monthly membership program called The Lit Clit Club. The Lit Clit Club was made just for you. It’s a safe place where women can come to create the lives that they want, the lives that you want. It’s a place where you get to talk openly about your sexual concerns and be heard. There’s no judgment, no reprimand, no labels, just acceptance, knowledge and freedom.
It’s a place where you get to ask all the questions that you ever wanted to ask about sex and about life too. You get to dream big and create your life your way inside and outside the bedroom. You know I love the concept of creating the life that you want inside and outside the bedroom, that soul bursting life that you deserve. So come to the club for the sexual intimacy coaching and stay for the empowerment and the freedom.
Do you have questions about libido, menopause? Lord help us, menopause is no joke. Sexual health, relationships, sexual orientation, pleasure equality and orgasms, religion and intimacy? I am not finished with this list yet. Maybe you have questions about toys, maybe about non-monogamy. Perhaps you’re interested in BDSM, maybe self-love, self-pleasure. Maybe you have questions about self-orientation. Maybe you need to work on healing from trauma.
Maybe body image is something that you want to focus more on and definitely embodiment. Perhaps creating the life of your dreams or journeying to your authentic self. Maybe you just want to stop people pleasing. Whatever questions you have and concerns you have, we have the answers and the coaching that you need. In all actuality, you have the answers inside of you. And the coaching will help bring that out. And you know what? You get to choose how you want to be coached.
You can be coached by video, by audio only or you can use the questions and answers session, it’s whatever works for you. You get to sit back and relax and get the help that you need and your cameras are off. And every month we have a new workshop in addition to our regular coaching sessions. So click on the link below in the show notes and find out more about The Lit Clit Club. We can’t wait to see you there in the club, come join us. Things are just starting to heat up. Alright, Dr. Sonia out. Love you all, Diamonds.