Ep #190: Aligning Masculine and Feminine Energies

The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast with Dr. Sonia Wright | Aligning Masculine and Feminine Energies

If you caught my last episode, you’ll remember I explored The Emperor card and how it represents the masculine energy within us. I covered embracing this energy to become more assertive in different areas of your lives, including the bedroom. This time, I’m thrilled to have Master Coach Lisa Hatlestad joining us to expand on this topic, as we dive back into the fascinating world of tarot cards and their connection to women’s sexuality.

Join us as we discuss how The Emperor’s energy goes beyond just authority and power. It’s about building something lasting and creating stability in our lives. It’s important to integrate both masculine and feminine energies and so we touch upon a time frame that’ll point straight to this. As The Emperor provides the structure needed to balance the creative chaos within us.

Tune in this week to learn how to harness The Emperor’s energy in your own life. We’ll help you figure out where you are on your personal journey and how to shift towards greater assertiveness and clarity in what you want. Whether it’s having those tough conversations or taking actionable steps towards your goals, this episode is all about empowering you to embrace your inner Emperor. My Diamonds, get ready to take the first steps towards manifesting your dreams. Trust in your ability to build the life you envision and give yourself permission to make it happen.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
  • How The Emperor card embodies a powerful life force and a building energy aimed at creating a stable and lasting legacy.
  • Explore the connection between The Emperor and other Major Arcana cards like The Magician and The Empress.
  • How to reflect on your personal journey, identify your desires, and take actionable steps to achieve them.
  • Recognize the importance of giving yourself permission to take steps towards your goals.
  • Embrace the structure and stability The Emperor provides to balance and nurture your creative energy.
Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:
Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, episode 190.

Welcome to The Midlife Sex Coach for Women™ Podcast, the only show that combines a fun personality, medical knowledge, sexual counseling, and life coaching together. To create unique sex coaching that helps busy women awaken their libidos, address intimacy issues, and learn how to express their sexuality for the rest of their days. Here is your host, certified life coach and sexual counselor, Dr. Sonia Wright.

Diamonds, seriously, 190, this is incredible. I am only 10 episodes away from 200. I have been doing this since, I think it was September of 2020 and I’m going to hit my 200th episode 10 episodes from now. I’m so excited. And we have some major stuff coming up and announcements in the future, but right now we are talking about the emperor. And we have the name, the emperor but I am thinking of it, your masculine energy.

But we are talking about all the attributes and characteristics of the emperor as related to women in midlife and around sexuality. And I know that you’ve been waiting for this, Coach Lisa is here to join us as we do this fabulous, amazing thing. So, Coach Lisa, thank you so much for coming.

Lisa: I’m so happy to be here and hello Sonia’s Diamonds.

Sonia: Yay. So, I had been talking on the last episode of the podcast about embracing our masculine energy. So often, women are put in these really small spaces in terms of how we define ourselves and who we are and how we have to be the feminine side. And if we’re not fitting into that or if we’re not expressing everything soft and wonderful and creative and that side of things, that there’s something that’s not quite right about us.

But for so many of us, we all have this internal balance of feminine and masculine, to a certain extent. It’s not balanced 50/50, we have that. And when I think of the empress and the emperor, I kind of think of the feminine and the masculine energies there and how each person has their own balance of those energies within themselves. And I was mentioning how when Jules was little, he had said that, mommy, if he was five then I would have been about 38.

And he was like, “Mommy, you’re kind of 30% man and 70% woman.” And now if you were to talk to him, he’d be like, “Damn, mom, maybe 50/50 on a good day.” So, we shift and change and it’s kind of an ebb and a flow and we get to be who we are. But I wanted to talk to you about the emperor, things that I’ve heard. And I want your take on the emperor as well, the divine masculine, authority, power, action taking, that type of thing. What, when you think about the emperor, what do you think about?

Lisa: Well, a lot of things. There’s so many sentences gathering in my head, so I want to just slow down so I’m not just spewing out word salad here. But the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of emperor because of the way that I understand it and just kind of embody it is, it’s really a building energy. What do emperors want? They want an empire and then they want to stabilize that empire so that it lasts. The emperor is really in the tarot and is all about creating legacy for the future.

So, I’m going to speak just for myself. It has been uncomfortable as I’ve gotten older to consider masculine versus feminine energy. Number one, I think we have a lot of implicit and explicit biases about what is actually feminine and what is actually masculine. So, it can be hard for women and then we also live in a culture where even though we’re in the 2020s, there’s still a lot of cultural bias about being a lady, being ladylike, etc. And so, all of that gets kind of thrown into the mix and can feel really confusing for some of us.

But everything that you said about the emperor wants to build. It’s about stability. And a lot of times when we think about that emperor masculine energy, what comes to mind are the, I guess, I can say shadow expressions. What I really mean are unintegrated expressions like war, you know what I mean? And things like trampling over somebody to get your way. And those are expressions of the masculine and the feminine as well.

So, when I think about the emperor, now that I’ve circled around it three or four times, I’m really thinking about the more linear process. When we are building, we can call it an empire, we can call it a life, we can call it what we want to claim for ourselves. That needs to take place in order to give that stability so that it can actually exist on its own. So, in terms of your Diamonds that are listening to this, it’s the linear, logical process of building the life you want.

So, when we’re in the empress, we’re just nurturing something, maybe it’s inside of us, the empress is always pregnant in the cards. There’s something inside of us, then we give birth to it. And the emperor is what helps raise that baby, so to speak, provides things that don’t always feel attractive to us when we’re really in our feminine energy, which is the order and the power.

And I don’t know, the stability, those things can sound really juiceless to a lot of women, and yet we need those aspects too or otherwise, all of that wild creation that we have doesn’t have a container in which to grow.

Soia: I love that. I love that. Oh, my goodness, I’m getting chills. The beauty of what you just said. You have all the creative energy of the empress but you need the container. You need stability. You need the energy to grow and nurture and support. It needs both of those things otherwise we have all these creative ideas and they just go shooting out into the world. But we don’t have the force, the energy, what we need behind it to bring it into fruition. That is everything.

Please, Diamonds, did you hear that? And it’s so obvious, if it’s expressed this way that we’ve always had the feminine and the masculine. Every woman is feminine and the masculine because we are focused on stability. We are focused on bringing life forth or bringing creativity forth and then establishing it in this world. So, we’ve always had both of those. I just love how my mind, it just understands that so much and it’s so beautiful.

And I like when you say the linear logical process of creating the life that you want. We have both energy within us to create and to extend it out and really grow this life that we want.

Lisa: So just going back to the empress, which we talked together last time about. We have this idea and we are feeding it but it’s inner, it’s within us. And now this is the thing about the emperor and its emphasis on masculine energy. If it doesn’t come out then it can’t manifest into the world. The emperor is so much about the actual manifestation.

Sonia: And so, I’m going to ask you. So, when we started we were at the fool. And then the second one is the magician. And when I think of manifesting, I think as the magician. So how would you say that those energies are different in terms of manifesting? Or maybe the magician is not the manifester. What do you think about that?

Lisa: I think the magician in the order of the major arcana is really about, he is the precursor. He is what helps us understand, he or she. We’re not talking about gendered beings here, we’re talking about actual life energy that is applicable and always in play for all of us. So, the magician is pointing up to the sky, to the heavens, to the higher mind, to all of that, and also pointing down to the ground, to our stability, to our roots, to the real world.

So, if you sort of think about, I don’t want to get too literal here because the magician, well, all of these energies are linked, but the magician and the emperor are very linked in there. There is something up here but eventually we need to draw from the resources that we have. And we need to bring it into fruition, into real life. And I feel like the magician is almost, that’s the life lesson.

Sonia: Kind of like the reality.

Lisa: And then we have the high priestess, which is kind of swimming in the primordial waters of the unconscious very passively, which is a part of all of us too. And then we have the empress which is now pregnant with this idea. Think about when you are pregnant, that is a bodily function. So, this is actually what the magician is pointing to up above, now getting ready to be born. It’s now in physical form, but it’s inside. Now the emperor is when it comes out.

Sonia: So, if we were relating this to women in midlife and their sexuality just in general, the women that are listening to this podcast, they are starting an adventure. If we go back to the concept of the fool, they’re jumping off the edge. Okay, I’m going to be exploring my sexuality. I’m going to define my sexuality. I would like to create this sexuality in my life, in my relationship, shift it from what it is.

So, it goes from the beginning of this adventure where I’m going to explore, understand my body, learn more about sexuality, what women’s sexuality in midlife can look like. So that’s kind of at the beginning of this journey. And then you get to this place where you’re starting to really think about things. And you get to that place where the magician comes in and you’ve got the thoughts that are in your mind and you’re manifesting from the point of thoughts.

We’re still kind of in the realm of the mind, so we still have our Diamonds saying, “This could be different. My sex life could look different. I could embrace my sexuality. I could become a sexual being.” So that’s kind of that stage. And then we end up with the high priestess where the unconscious needs to be kind of connected into what our thoughts are and where as you say, that primordial to where everything’s kind of brewing in our mind.

We’re like, “Is this possible? Can I shift who I am? Can I be a sexual being? Does that mean that somebody’s going to call me a bad name? Is this something dirty? Is this something I can do?” All that starts to come up and so we’re in that place. And then we kind of move over to the place where we are the empress, we’re shifting into that place where we are locked in. We’re like, “This is something that can definitely happen. I can create the sexual intimacy that I want in my life, in my relationship with myself, with whomever I choose.” You become definite.

You’re like, “I can do this. It may have looked like this in my 20s, and maybe it doesn’t look the same now but I can be creative.” And this is something I can get vested in and I can create the sexual intimacy that I want for now but also moving all the way into the future.

And then we make this shift with our masculine energy, with our emperor coming in and saying, “Okay, we’ve been pregnant with this concept. We’ve done all of the thoughts that we needed to on this adventure path that we started. We kind of got to this place where we’ve looked at our biases. We looked at our thoughts and everything. We’ve decided we’re locked in and we are going to create this sexual intimacy that we want.”

And now it is time to take action to go to that next place, to bring it forward into the world, to nurture it in this world. To have those hard conversations that we haven’t necessarily wanted to have in the past. Have those hard conversations with ourselves about what we think, what our bias is about sexuality, our sexuality and stuff. Have those hard conversations with our partner if we have them in terms of, this is not exactly what I want or this is okay but I want so much more. Can we do this together? Can we create something?

And doing the hard work that’s required. This is go time. This is the point, and I’m just talking, you can stop whenever you feel like it.

Lisa: I’m enjoying this timeline that you’re creating out of your mind, it’s so beautiful and so apt, yes.

Sonia: And it’s so amazing and wonderful. And for my Diamonds, I really want you to maybe if you have some time to look at your timeline. If you’re listening to this podcast that means at some point you stepped into this journey, into this adventure and decided that you wanted something to be different, that you were worth it enough to change and do the work. Now it’s go time. Now it’s the point where it gets a little uncomfortable. Before we were just kind of all on our own in our mind but now it’s the time where you have to be like, “Yo, dude”, or do that, or non-binary individual.”

And you might be talking to yourself or you might be talking to your partner or partners and being like, “I’m not happy with what my sexuality and sexual intimacy looks like at this point.” And I’m willing to do the hard work and have those hard conversations. And I’m willing to try knowing that it might not work from the beginning, knowing that it’s going to take periods of adjustment. And I have to be willing to be like, “I’m going to have hard conversations here which feel uncomfortable but I’m willing to do this because I know that this is how I create something different.”

And I love how you say the legacy because I like to talk about the fact that what we’re doing now in midlife is our legacy for the rest of our life.

Lisa: Right, exactly. Okay, so if you go to the garden center and you buy all these beautiful plants and all these great seeds. You can bring them home, but it is nothing until we put it into form. And that is what the emperor is doing. That is, so your legacy in that case, is your beautiful garden, which will reseed and regenerate itself year after year.

So, when you’re putting this in the framework of midlife, really the high priestess is that kind of unconscious swimming we do in the murky waters of, I’m changing and I’m seeing things differently now. And then the empress is really bringing us back to our bodies and to the sensual world. And just a word, this popped up when you were talking, Sonia, with the ‘masculine’ energy of the emperor. I want to use my husband as an example if you’ll bear with me.

His birth chart corresponds 100% with the emperor card. There’s interplay between tarot and astrology. And he’s not what you would consider this big model of masculinity as it’s portrayed in our weird culture with all of its fallacies. But what he does, I love to watch him in the spring and in the summer because he is out in our yard, nurturing everything, helping it grow, helping it get stronger, all of our plants, our yard, the trees, everything.

And I guess the reason I’m saying this is because, again, as women who I believe the majority, if not, all of your audience is or women identifying human beings. That masculine, that embracing our masculine side can sometimes feel comfortable because of the way that we’ve been made to understand it. And yes, there is the unintegrated side to the emperor just like there’s an unintegrated side to the empress and every other figure in the major arcana. But the emperor, when you’re embodying it, is really now I have all these beautiful ideas. I have all of these beautiful visions.

And it doesn’t mean again, you don’t have to be forceful, but what you are really understanding in an embodied way is that you are the force of life between or behind what you want growing into reality. So, imagining yourself as the gardener’s hands and as the sunshine and as the warm, one thing I love about the emperor is it just has this beautiful force of life energy and it is a gorgeous sexual energy as well.

Sonia: Wow, the force of life. So, Diamonds, hear that when we say the force of life is within you. The force of life is that energy, that special something that creates the future that you want, that is the key. Without that force of life there can be no future, no creativity, no difference. So, nurture that force of life within you and also bring it into existence into reality. Bring that and move forth and do what it is that you want to do.

So, Diamonds, your homework if you so choose, because you always have the choice with us. But it may be time for you to write out your journey so far. You can do it in terms of why you chose to listen to this podcast, why you chose to be in contact with Dr. Sonia and her amazing team. What is it that you want? Go through the process. You started this fool’s journey. There’s something that you want.

Some primordial juices have been flowing in there and your thoughts that things could be different and it could be a certain way, put what it is. Go to that place of creation, of pregnancy, of holding it within yourself and realize you’re getting to the place where you’re going to bring it forth. You’re going to create that container and take action to do what it is that you need to do.

And Lisa, what do you think our Diamonds will need at this stage, when they’re just starting to bring it forth and nurture and put energy behind it?

Lisa: I think what everyone needs, what all of us need, Diamonds, is our own permission to go ahead and start taking steps. Something Sonia had said earlier, start moving toward it, start taking action. When we take action it’s very rare that we know that we’re 100% certain and sure if it will turn out the way we want it. But if we sit passively and wait to be sure, then for sure, the one for sure thing that happens is it doesn’t get born. So give yourself permission to take action.

And one thing that I always say to my clients over and over again as a coach is that we literally cannot, well, I guess we can get on a plane or a spaceship or something. But we can’t get to the plane even without putting one foot in front of the other. So sometimes it can get so overwhelming when we want so much, and it’s all been stewing and growing within us and we want so much.

But those of you who have raised children, you may have had so many dreams for your child, and yet you had to and your child had to go through every single stage, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. And so, go ahead and nurture and dream and make those big dreams, but realize when it comes to taking action, it’s simply one step after another. And there’s a process and the power and the meaning and the life force of the emperor can be your guide.

Empires don’t get built overnight, as much as there is a mythology that it does within our weird culture, where we’re looking at TV and social media and it just happens. No, it doesn’t. So, give yourself permission to bring that thing to life step by step. And if it doesn’t work, trust your inner emperor to course correct.

Sonia: So beautiful. Trust yourself. Trust that is within you to help you bring it forth into fruition and grow it and nurture it and make it into reality. So really give yourself permission and trust yourself. That’s what we’re saying, and take action.

Lisa: And take action.

Sonia: And take action.

Lisa: But that’s why the emperor is there and the emperor, make no mistake, it is within you. And call it what you will, you can ask it to ally with you. You can ask it to be with you. And paying attention to that specific energy is exactly how you ask it and call it to you.

Sonia: So good. Alright, I think on that note, as we were talking, I’m just realizing that what we’ve been talking about is also the journey that we take our Diamonds through, the ones that go through Own Your Sexuality Now. And we’ll be doing this in the fall, Lisa and I, because I adore Lisa and I love working with her. So, we’ll be doing Own Your Sexuality in the fall, but it is this type of journey so we’ll be talking more about that in the future.

But it’s so beautiful how everything that is now has gone through this, the person that created it has gone through this journey, be it a cup or the iPhone or whatever. It starts as a thought and somebody’s willingness to kind of dive off the edge into this adventure and do the brewing and the thought of it all. And then getting to that point where it’s time to give yourself permission, take action and do what needs to happen.

Alright, Diamonds, I’m being inspired by this. I’m always inspired by Lisa, but I’m definitely inspired by this podcast episode today. So, so good to have you all here and we will be talking to you soon. Take care, Diamonds. Coach Lisa, thank you as always.

Lisa: Thank you too, Sonia and thank you, Diamonds.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Midlife Sex Coach for Women Podcast. If you enjoy Dr. Sonia’s fun and caring approach to sexual intimacy, head to soniawrightmd.com to learn more.

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Sonia Wright MD

Hi, I’m Dr. Sonia Wright and I’m YOUR SEX COACH! I’m on a mission to end the pain and isolation associated with sexual difficulties and to help women create satisfying sex lives.

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